How I Completely Ruined My Life...I was a promising high school student i got high marks on my grades, was a programmer, writer and a bit of a philosopher. But i unknowningly made mistakes afterward that would forever alter my life for the worst. It wasnt because i did drugs, got in with a gang, got into trouble with the law. No it was because of my college choices. I went to community college for 2.5 years and got a completely useless liberal arts degree thinking it would help me get into a good school into a program i wanted.
Under this pressumption i thought i had to worry about my career later, when i got into my bachelors. I found my state university wouldnt accept my full associates but i found a school that would. it was non-profit regionally accredited and private. It had a physical campus and people i knew who had decent jobs went there. To my horror i found out the college ran like a for-profit. I was stuck for the semester with debt and no way out.
The program i was in had no accreditation and all the classes were disgustingly subpar. I am now transfered to my state college in a MIS program with mathmatics that is way over my head. I will likely fail out with even more debt and no career. If i do manage to push through i will end up with a bottom of the barrel IT degree with no experience and insurmountable debt. So little of my credits transfer from my associates degree that it is now like i never went to college at all. All of the credits from that diploma mill forprofit are useless and can be applied nowhere but that school. I am 22 btw and i have gone nowhere in life at all. Not having a viable career i still with my parents and given my circumstances i will probably be stuck living with them for a very long time.I also have a one year employment gap and i am working a minimum wage job i JUST found. no one not even fast food resturaunts wanted me.
My depression has reached paralyzing and suicidal heights.in addition to all this I have been losing all my friends because they are moving away, i shut everyone out because im so depressed or i talk about how much ive screwed up. I am not the person i used to be in high school. I was confident to the point of arrogance, believed that i was destined for something greater because of my hardship. But now i am a self loathing, unmotivated, indivdual who feels like a burden, disgrace and a leech to his family. They are already looking down on me, i am looking down on myself. I hate myself for making the horrible mistakes i have. I do not see a future for me ahead. I wish i had a painless way to end my miserable existence. Or If there was a way to be back in high school again so i could fix everything i would do it in an instant. I thought i knew what suffering was but i realize now all of my problems before were mere slights. I could have been so much happier and even have had made more of the right decisions. But now it seems like my days where i could have been carefree are over. Things are only going to worsen from here on out and i can blame no one but myself..
Darkslayeryuu 22-25 2 Responses 0 Dec 7, 2012