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It's Over...

As Roy Orbison once sang, "It's over, it's over, it's Ooover.....", so is my marriage.  Tonight is the night I talked to my kids about it.  They understood as they witness my husband jump down my throat the second he walked through the door. 

My oldest daughter asked me why he does that... I told her I don't know.  I told her that sometimes people think only of themselves and don't ever stop to think about the hurt they cause others - even if it is unintentional.  In this case, it's definately intentional and has been for the whole 6 years we've been married.

I told him today that this (the hurtful words) is the reason that I don't care for him anymore.  So now it's been said.  Those words that can never be taken back.  'I don't care for you anymore.'  Wow, I was shocked that it actually came out of my mouth!  But I'm glad I said them.  Because now he is fully aware of where I am at.

I have been controlled for all of our relationship (8 years together in total), and now it's time to get things done.  I'm still not permanent at work, but honestly, I am at the point where I just don't care anymore about that when it comes to my relationship.  I want out - and for financial productivity, I don't care if he fixes up the basement as a suite and lives there and the girls and I live upstairs.  We will be separate in our lives but this way the girls won't be so upset when push comes to shove and it actually unfolds...

I just feel like a weight has been lifted....

Cheleanne Cheleanne 66-70, F 19 Responses May 11, 2008

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What in the Hell is wrong with this man? There are countless nice decent men on EP living in sexless marriages who'd give ANYTHING for a woman like you who wants sex fairly often or at least is interested?



Kick his butt so far to curb! Move on dear! Some man will want you and treat you as a woman and want you? Of this, I am so 100% sure!



Good luck in getting your NEW life started pronto! Wishing you only the best!

My husband and I take turns hurting each other with our words.

Thank-you King... that means a lot to me!

Elle, thanks! I hope so - because I keep putting it off for financial reasons, but I HAVE to be set up financially - don't I?



I want this to end amicably and I know he will fight me for the kids and the house. Those are 2 things I'm not willing to give up... how do I deal with the legal bills? I don't qualify for legal aid and they are no good anyway.



Man, if anyone out there knows a good lawyer who is not money hungry, PLEASE let me know!!!!

Thank-you Dorobo - your comment makes total sense and I have told my daughters many times that they are not to blame for anything that their dad says.



Unfortunately, I have no family or friends here that I can depend on. Only me...

I used to teach a court ordered class to the abuser in Domestic Violence cases so have heard stories like yours many times. You're lucky, in a way, that his insecurity that drives him to try to control others has only been verbal. However, as you have concerns for your daughter, words, if we believe them can wound us for a lifetime. Having him live there may only lead to more verbal abuse. If you could move in, temporarily with family or friends till you get divorced or at least legally separated so he pays support for your daughter you'd be able to start rebuilding your life. Look for support groups. You and your daughter will benefit from knowing this isn't unique and you two aren't at fault! I'll pray for you both.

Oh I hear that Bass... oh so well......

I lived next door to my ex wife for three years. We truly have become something that we never where while married and that is good friends. Sometimes two people can be like oil and water as lovers but surprisingly good as friends.

SCG, I have missed you terribly! Thanks for the comment, I do feel confident to a point - I'm trying to figure out a way to tell him he can live in the basement.



Has anyone seen that movie - The People Under the Stairs? LOL That's my hubby - a sexless freak of nature!

Chele,

This is the first time in a year that I have known you that I can honestly say that you sound sure of yourself, positive, and in control. Good for you. You know I, as well as all of your friends support you a hundred percent. Everything will work out in the end. I love you!

You - Oh my gosh.. I am so in awe of the wonderful people here... thank-you all for your comments and support. I can't believe the support here today.



Boy, I love all of you! Hugs to all of you!

Congratulations on being a new statistic.

Cheleanne I’m proud of you. No one should be subjected to abuse especially at home, and especially from some one who supposedly “Loves Them”. Keep you head up and keep up the hard but good work. KUDOS!!!

You are all so kind and supportive! Thank-you!

Maybe not all roses, but definitely all gardens...

I do know how you feel - freedom at last. It's no good hanging on if it's not going to work and it's not going to work if you are stifled, you need to be you.



Now you can start on the wonderful journey of finding you. It may not be roses all the way however you'll find the strength to get past any rough patches.



I wish you well.

Good for you. Hurtful words are abuse. I am glad that you are getting yourself away from that. No one should ever have to put up with them.

Thanks Blue. I hope so too...

i am happy for you. It sounds like this has been a long time coming. I hope you can begin to gain control of your life and that the roads you choose will deliver you to happiness.