And I Did It
i went out drinking with a work buddy last week and didn't get home til the sun was up the next day. while that is bad enough i made it worse by not calling to say i'd be late. i really don't remember too much except that i was having a great time until i realized i was too drunk to stand up w/o swaying and decided to leave.
it was after midnight, when i finally found my way out of the bar. but by the time i made i to the train station, the next train was 4AM. it was only like 2ish. whatever. suffice it to say i screwed myself royally and am a class A inconsiderate *******.
she had been calling me and left a few choice voicemails, but i could tell she had been crying. the second vm she left basically said we were done. i can't blame her.
but then we talked saturday and i told her that i wasn't happy either. we spoke about how we keep repeating this process where things get better then get worse, then get really bad, then get better... its true too. it seems to follow that pattern. i told her its more of a three steps forward two steps back dance, but its hard to see the progress now...
i won't leave her. but i think i've damaged us too much for her to stay...thing is i do really love her and who she is, i just don't think she likes or loves who i am. how can she?
i think we made goodbye love last night...i won't be surprised if when i get home tonight she's packed up and taken my son...
what a ******* pity party huh? i did it. now what?