Questioning My 10 Year Marriage

 

My husband and I have two weeks holidays with only three days left until we both return to 'our life' as I like to call it. Having so much time together really scared me because we get to see a lot of the negative issues present in our marriage. For one, we have nothing much in common, we have different interests, personalities, etc.   I am an introvert, his an extrovert, I like the quite family life while he likes to go out on the town, I am responsible, he is not, I am a day person, he's a night owl, I don't use drugs smoke or drink alcohol while he does all of the above, I hate fashion and brands while he loves them, I like to keep fit while he loves to laze around.   Our biggest issue is different beliefs. I believe that married man should not have close female friends because it's like playing with fire as people who connect emotionally can accidently fall in love and use the excuse of "she's only my friend" to spend time together which can lead to 'accidental sex' or a full on affair. I should know because this happened to me once. I fell in love with one of my husbands friends. He was not my friend but he used to come over to our house all the time. I never told anyone about this, never flirted with the guy or acted on my feelings but I knew that i was madly in love with him. My husband and him stopped being friends (nothing to do with me) and so he stopped coming over. I was pretty strong so I never acted on any of my feelings.   The problem I have now is that for years I have been telling my husband how much I hate it when he flirts with his female friends (he says is innocent) via sms, makes himself  a listener of their troubled relationships, worries more about their feelings and problems than me, gets emotionally closer to them, tries to 'save' or 'rescue' them when they have problems, and sometimes is alone with them in social situations. My argument is that he gets emotionally involved with girls that are just supposed to be his friends and I know that these girls have more in common with him than I do, are usually good looking, younger and he could fall in love with any of them. I know because I fell in love with his friend who wasn't even my friend without even trying, just because we ended up spending alot of time together.   I am afraid for the future of our relationship. I know what my values are, he's stand is that he has the right to be friends with girls and that they can hang out in groups with other guys and himself, that he can flirt for fun but that he won't be tempted to have sex with them, that he loves me so much and that he doesn't believe he can fall in love with anyone else. BULLSHIT!!!! i AM A REALIST!!!   It is predictable that when someone spends time with someone else who has alot in common with them and on top of that is good looking, that sparks will fly and that this can lead to a romance, affair or 'one time only sex' if people feel gulty about it and they don't do anything again.   When it comes to this issue, married man should not befriend and hang around with friends that are girls because it's like playing with fire. He obviously disagrees with me, and i don't think we will ever agree on this issue. Meanwhile, I know that our marrriage lacks fun, interest and excellent communication (because we don't have much in common other than two kids and ten years of marriage). To be honest, i think its a miracle that we have lasted this long. The children changed everything though, they keep us apart alot. I haven't been able to go out with him on dates, to clubs, etc, like we used to when we first met.   I met him when I was around 18 yrs old and I used to be fun, outgoing, up for anything, had complete freedom to do whatever I wanted. As soon as my first son was born in 2000, at age 20-21, I was just a mother/wife. All I have felt since then, is that our marriage is getting really boring, empty and our differences are becoming clearer in my eyes. I have lost that freedom and fun in my life since becoming a parent, eight years ago. I am turning 29 in two months and I am afraid that things in my life and in my marriage will just become worse as we both get older.   I feel like I am headed for a marriage crises...another one of many....I wish I could just go back to the early years in our relationship where everything was new, exciting and we could go out together all the time. All I do now is work and stay at home with the kids while he gets to leave the life style he wants. A life in which I am not part of, since I am not a night owl, extrovert, attention seeker, fun seeker, drug user like he is and someone has to stay home to watch the kids and be the responsible parent.Please comment....especially if you have any similar experiences....or can relate...or offer suggestions to avoid impending crises....