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My Mom Likes My Brother More Than Me

It all started when I was 2. That's when my brother was born. All of a sudden my mom started spending more time with him so my grandma took care of me. I always thought that my mom just had to take care of the baby cause he was little and helpless. But deep inside I felt that my brother was gonna change my life, not only being a sister,but something else. When I was 5 my grandma got me a unicorn to sleep with every night so I wouldn't be alone.when I was 6 my mom would hit me and scream at me for no reason. i'd ask my mom if I could get something to eat since it was either breakfast lunch or dinner "GET IT YOURSELF YOU LITTLE S***! " so I would have to make ceral and eat it for breakfast luch and dinner. One day I got tired of it so I went to go get a pickle from the pickle jar and when I opened the fridge,BAM! The pickle jar fell right on my foot my dad came to help me and told my mom "oh she'll get over it" said my mom. That day I had glass stick in my foot about 4 inches and I was bleeding severly. But when my brother would get hurt like let's say he fell down,he would start crying and my mom would come rushing to help him. I would cry in my room every day. Starting to think tthat my mom didn't love me but i'd always deny it. Every day my brother would also get a really expensive toy from toys r us andmy mom said I was to spoiled to get any toys,even though I helped more than my brother and plus I also had nothing but a crib from when I was born to sleep in and a little blanket. When I turned 7 my mom had to be forced to to come to my my birthday parties. And when my grandma got kicked out of her house she moved into ours, she slept in my room and I finally got a bed to sleep in. My grandma and I used to watch the golden girls on a tiny tv she bought for 20 bucks and she'd by little candies and soda pop we would eat in the tiny bedroom. One day my mom caught us having fun and she started kicking everything over and destroying stuff. " THIS LITTLE PEICE OF CRAP DOESN'T DESERVE ANYTHING! WHY THE F**** ARE YOU REWARDING HER!?". And that was the last happy day I would have. I had no friends, and my own mother hated me. When I was 8 I started seeing that my mom would comfortt my brother over the littlest things. My mom would say I love you to him or oh my little baby and hug or kiss him. I saw what I never got, love. I am like a prisoner in that house, I never got to go outside or have fun. I would just clean up the messes my brother and my mom make. Right now at school I have friends to comfort me. One of them tries cheering me up with his jokes. I live with my grandma cause I can't stand to see my mothers face nor my brothers. I. Am 11 right now and on to 12. I cry and feel miserable everyday after what my mom has done to me, while others cry over how they dirty their blankey.I've tried running away sometimes. But now I dont . Now I have what I have always yearned for,love from my grandma.
milkshakecb1 milkshakecb1 13-15 30 Responses Feb 14, 2012

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This made me cry!

I feel the same except my brothers 10 now and now he my mom and my dad treat me like crap. They always stereotype me as the "Big Bad Brother" and when I cry they call me gay. I love my little brother. Today when I woke up I shouted," Don't!" In my dream I went in front of my brother to stop him from being shot. My mother said," Whats wrong with you?? Are you on your period???" Then they all laughed and made fun of me even though i truly love them all! Why do they do this???

I'm basically in the same spot as you are. Except I'm a boy. And instead of getting most of my love from my grandma or grandpa I get it from my dad. Mostly because my grandparents live in a different house. But otherwise I would be you! Sometimes I get so annoyed or pissed off I just pretend she never existed. Honestly I think my mom hates me so much, that she wants me to die. Well I hope you survive these messed up days. I know I won't :(

Hey, it's OK! My mom spends a lot more time with my brother too; she claims she loves us both equally, but I seriously doubt it. Even my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandma prefer him over me. My dad's the ONLY one who views us as equals. Nobody hits me or anything, they just ignore me and my main redeeming quality is to define words or lend my cousins and brother my laptop for games. If your mom has any co-workers, why don't you think about telling them about her? Like, you can request them not to tell her or anything. Does your dad act the same way? AND, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T CUT. Seriously. Just go on with your life. If you have any hobbies, distract yourself. Besides, you'll get your revenge when your older and when you have a job; if your brother's really lazy, you'll be the one your family relies on for money. =)

my mom always talks about how wonderful my brother is and when he gets b's in school, she flips out and tells him how proud she is and stuff. me, on the other hand, I get As. and all she says about that is "good job. " not even with any excitement. she gives my brother everything he wants when he wants it. I cry so much because I feel like she doesn't like me, and she makes fun of me for it. my brother abuses me, he punches/kicks/pinches/scratches me. she doesn't care, but if I tell him to shut up, I get grounded. lately I have been considering running away.

Well here is another perspective from someone who is in the exact opposite position to you... your brother! (I'm the youngest girl of three)
Firstly, maybe she rates up your brother's grades because he really struggled and worked hard to achieve that and she doesn't want him to feel discouraged. Initially I did the worst of us in school and when I barely passed a test I got a toy while my sister was an A-B student and she wasn't really recognized in this way. Yeah it was common knowledge about her grades but my mother understood that her and I were apples and oranges and that while this was an easy life's passage for her it was a great source of anxiety, depression and low self esteem for me.
'It's not that I love your brother more than you, it's just that sometimes a mother's child needs their mother than the other at that time and I have to be there for all my children in their every time of need, but you were always my stronger son. You didn't need me the way Ron always did.' Got that from a movie. It was obvious I was the weakest child. Fs and could never make friends and couldn't read and crying about dying all the time even though there was nothing wrong with me. I had to get evaluated because the teachers thought I was 'disturbed at home.' I always compared my self to my cousin who was 1 year younger than me and my sisters and they were always doing FABULOUS in everything. It made me feel worthless and my mother knew that.
Another thing is that I got everything I wanted when I wanted it from since baby was because I never wanted ANYTHING. Seriously, I gave money back or away to people who needed it all the time. My sister was and still is a serious Monica. I never wanted for anything and was always content but because she always found something to be disgruntled about and lust and covet after she was miserable and was always looking at whatever anyone else had and thought, 'She always gets everything!' I was always very understanding and wouldn't beg for things or ask for things AT ALL and would rather that my parents save the money for useful things like food or bills or something, and I was saying that since I was 5 even though it was never really that dire. You can see why my parents would probably prefer being around me compared to my older sister who was always wanting and harassing her parents for something expensive in taste then playing the 'You love her more!' card when she didn't get it.
On top of that she never realized what she had. My parents always bought things in two's for us both but if she wanted something expensive my mother knew I understood how she was and how much it meant to her and she'd get it even though it meant nothing of anything for me for a while. But I didn't mind, I never wanted my mother's STUFF or MONEY, I wanted HER TIME. Even now she has the biggest room, the biggest bed, the TV, the DVD player, the laptop and computer, don't even talk about the number of gaming systems and anything else she asks for and I'm in a broom closet... but just because I got AC BAM!
'I know she's your favorite!' No matter how much things you get you will never be happy, money isn't happiness ignore what he gets. You might say you get nothing, but I'm sure that's not true even if you think it's the tiniest thing and it doesn't count don't take it for granted.
...And my mother can be pretty mean too! I cry about it sometimes but at the end of the day I never question my love for her or her love to me because I'm SURE I've said some pretty hurtful things too. ...And you don't know my mother's sharp tongue and she considers these things 'jokes,'... good god. And that doesn't mean she's a bad person and neither am I, we're just people trying to be better people and that's family... even though some times or even most times it doesn't look it.
My sister and I have gotten into PLENTY physical fights ...I mean scratching to the point of scarring, biting to the point of swelling and stomping on her till I feel her smaller frame below me bend, and I have been blacked out more times than a boxer. The last thing I remember was being strangled but I've done some pretty horrible things too and I'm a pest at heart.
I'm sure in some quiet moments you get you defend yourself or 'defend yourself ;)' Your mother is probably just afraid that since you're the bigger one you could seriously hurt him, that's hat my father always used to explain to me us.

In most times my sister(s) secretly wish I fall flat on my *** too but this is just childhood woes and I assure you it feels real and I sound delusional but if and when you have children of your own you will understand.

My mom hates me now all cause my older brothers I say you love me the most she said your my favorite girl I'm her only girl one brothers in the service she's probly most proud of him my other brother came in the room and said I can't sleep she told him to come and sleep in the room I was laying with my mom and he always tells lies about me he took my spot and then I was falling off the bed and I said omg I have no space my mom said FINE you have no space she went in my room my brother is in his room now I'm all alone I'm the youngest I'm really sad sometimes I wanna die

My mom always tells me that my older brothers have done greater things than me and that I don't understand how to be the person she wants me to be. Everyday I get yelled at by her because I'm not like her and my brothers...my dad accepts me for who I am but my mom doesn't my parents argue almost every day then they don't talk for a while. The past weekends have been rough for me since my mom has yelled at me every day. She isn't happy with me since I had a filling on a cavity and she had to pay $400 bill. The fact that I try to be the best person I can be everyday seems to not work since she yells at me every day

i am sitting alone in my room waiting for it to be safe to go downstairs (my room is tiny...and dark)

thats ridiculously abusive. i thought i had it bad my little brother is being pampered as we speak.

This just makes me angry, very angry. That is so unfair.

that happened to me, too, actually. but i don't have my grandma at my house, so......
i'm all alone

HHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! you are literally a son of a b****,no offense to you,but.......I'm so angry,YOU DON"T PICK FAVORITES when it come to children.

Good Luck in the future

So she abuses you,kinda.Huh,hate to say it...but you might want to call CPS.Sorry for everything that's happend

I knw how it feels like. I have tried evrythng to change their mindset.bt nothng work.you cant chage their behaviour, you cant change them.only one thng u can do is to adjust wid it..nd go ahead fr ur future.nd try to be a self dependnt grl. Nd nw ths is my dream too. Nd thn i want to live my life in my own way....

I knw how it feels like. I have tried evrythng to change their mindset.bt nothng work.you cant chage their behaviour, you cant change them.only one thng u can do is to adjust wid it..nd go ahead fr ur future.nd try to be a self dependnt grl. Nd nw ths is my dream too. Nd thn i want to live my life in my own way....

I know what you are experiencing. My ma does not respect me. She calls me fat and a dumb a. I am 14 and I don't even have my grandma. She hates me. I am sorry.

I'm deeply sorry for what you've went through as a child... I've spent most of my child hood with my grandparents as well. My mother at me young so she always has gone out with her friends. When she told me stories about when I was a baby I felt loved and cared for. When I was 10 my mom had my baby brother and at first we were equal and though I just never really cared. I'm 16 years old now, I'm in sports so I have gained muscle. And muscle weight, weighs more then fat weight. Everyday my mother and step father yell at me about how I'm 188lbs I can't help it. I've been dieting for a year now and only lost 7 pounds. After reading your story it broke my heart and I just have to tell you how I feel about my own mother. My mom is about 230lbs... Everybody even my coach says I look 160lbs which makes me happy. Even though I have many kids in school who hate me, my coaches and close friends are what keeps a smile on my face everyday. When I get home the smile goes away, I walk pass my parents and we don't even glance at each other. She only talks to me when I need to get yelled at. I stay in my room most of the time unless I'm hungry or I need to use the restroom. I refuse to spend any time with them, because I don't consider them my family. Me and my stepdad are always getting into fist fights and my mother breaks it up only to agree with my stepdad on how I'm a ***** and I need to lose weight. I try to tell her all things I've done so I can get a good job Cass, or way to go keep working at it. But no, all I get is a...okay? At times I feel alone so I call up my aunt in jersey. I truly feel like she's the only one who cares about my sports and goals. My mom says I'm not smart or beautiful without makeup on. She never notices I'm losing weight until I tell her. And now we get to my brother. Brother has a mild case of Aspergers. So he is very smart. Smarter then me, (going onto my senior year of high school) he cry whenever he wants something of mine and my mom makes me give it to him. I treat him like a normal brother I look out for him because I know well I like to believe that he loves me as much as I love him. But somehow he pins his problems on me and I get yelled at. Like where's his iPad! Stop annoying him, go in your room and stop being a *****! Which most of the time he whines because I want my charger back and he uses it for his iPad. One day I opened the fridge door and hit him. My mom close the door pushed me out the way grabbing him calling me a fat-*** and how I don't need to be eating. I barley eat dinner or breakfast anymore, I don't ever eat lunch either. I drink a lot of water, so at least I'm doing something right. When my parents gang up on me, my little brother joins in. And I'm alone getting names called, being emotionally abused by everyone I depend on. I'm 16 but mentally at times I feel stuck in 5th grade because I crave the love my brother get from my mom. Today walking out my room I see my mom hugging and kissing my little brother and my stepdad laughing. When I walk out there they look at me and ask me when I'm going to lose weight that I won't be able to do my sports because I'm so over weight. Trying to leave them my stepdad starts onking at me like a pig, calling me a fat pig and that I should have went down the drain or been swallowed. I try to shake it off and act like nothing has happen. I go on imvu and it's the one place I feel myself like nothing can hurt me and if they do I boot them out my room. After a while my head began to hurt from crying so much day after day. At this point I've been having killing myself but then I think no that's stupid. I've been having thoughts I don't want to do! And just like you I've wanted to run away I even printed out a letter I was going to give my parents the night of me leaving. I don't know maybe I'm complaining to much. And I'm sorry about what happen to you at least your better with your grandmother now.

Sweetheart what you describe here is called abuse. I am so sorry the adults in your house behave like a bunch a jackals! Shame on them for being so rotten to you! Is there someone you can trust at school you can tell?

I pasted some info and a hotline number below for you:

What Does An Abusive Relationship Look Like?
Does your partner/family member/parent ever….

> Embarrass you with put-downs?
> Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
> Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
> Push you, slap you, choke you or hit you?
> Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
> Control the money in the relationship? Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
> Make all of the decisions?
> Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away your children?
> Prevent you from working or attending school?
> Act like the abuse is no big deal, deny the abuse or tell you it’s your own fault?
> Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
> Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
> Attempt to force you to drop criminal charges?
> Threaten to commit suicide, or threaten to kill you?

If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions, you may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. In this section, you’ll find all sorts of information on different forms of abuse. Don’t hesitate to chat or call us (1-800-799-SAFE) if anything you read raises a red flag about your own relationship or that of someone you know.

We’re here to help.

I have a twinso i kno w whats its like my mum and dad always ask me to jobs but never him when i say something to him i got told of but when he calls me names he doesn't and i spend a lot of time with my grandma like you. I'm 10 btw.

Iam also a girl n am reading this in my phone in a dark conor of the room wid a pillow shoved in my mouth so no one can hear me weeping.my mom didn't cook dinner so i told her to buy.afta buying she gave all the good stuff to my stupid brother n one small piece to me though Iam more skinny n weak n faint.one time i fainted in school n my brother made fun of me which hurts n when I told my mom she said i deserved it.I hate my mom,my dad always loves money n buys expensive toys for him.my grandma hates me cos Iam my fathers child.my other grandma favours my big brother cos he's older.my. little brother gets things cos hes young n my big brother cos he's older n mature,then Wat am i?????????

So sorry to hear. I am in my 40s but my mom loves my brother more. It's crazy but don't take it personally. It's not your fault it's hers. Some women live in a world where they think women are crap and men are everything. Times are changing but their minds wont. I hope you believe in yourself enough as an adult to go after what you want. Best of luck.

I'm 31 and grew up in an identical situation. It really hurts deep down to your core because people should love their children no matter what sex they are. The problem is your mother was brought up in a society where boys are more highly regarded and girls are treated like cats, a burden and easily replaceable. It is hard to do, but for your own sanity, you have to write her off and find a mother type who is interested in you and who will guide you when you need it. My dad died when I was 16 and my mom kicked me out of my house shortly thereafter, 3 years later I made the mistake of going back to her to help her out of an abusive relationship, and for the next 10 years she ruined me with her conditional love and acceptance. It is a cruel existence desiring a relationship with someone who only accepts you and treats you well when it is convenient for them, and it ruins your relationship with all authority figures because you can't ever trust them even if they deserve your trust and will treat you well. I am damaged goods, but hopefully you can make a break now and salvage what's left of your formative years...

I feel as if nobody will ever love me as they love my sibling, too.
My mom, unlike yours, cares for me.
My dad is a gambler and he does not live with us. To be honest, I don't even remember how he looks like.
Either way, they both seem to love my sister than they love me.
My mom tells me that my sister is prettier than me, and hates it when other people tell her that I look like her.
My dad also tells me that my sister has all the looks in our family, and denys it when others tell him that I look like him.
My mom compares me with my sister all the time. She gives goodnight kisses to her and hugs her about a million time per day.
If my sister starts crying, she would hit me without hearing an explanation, and there is a difference in her voice when she is talking to me and my sister.
She gives full attention to my sister, but she barely recognizes my existance. She would always blame me for my sister's wrong doings, and tells me to be more like her.
She tells me to go back to my dad all the time, and tells me that she doesn't know what she did to deserve a daughter like me.
I got kicked out of the house about twenty times, and I tried running away twice as much.
I feel miserable every day.
She would never know how much I cried under the bedcovers- silent tears would fall.
I don't know who to tell my feelings to. I just feel alone and unwanted and helpless.
I always thought of suicide since nobody really cared about me. My death would not effect anybody.
Bu again, I don't want to make the wrong decision
I just want to be loved equally.
I don't think it's a selfish, rash wish, and if it is, I apologize for thinking so selfishly, but I just want someone to love me like they love my sister.
Is it too much to ask?

Your parents suck. No getting around it. Accept that they are lower life forms who should never have had children and find love and support from healthy individuals who do not put the sum of a person's worth in their outward appearance.

I so agree. hugs and best wishes to you knitted.
If you need a safe person to talk to call anytime day or night
1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

Same Situation, My grandma raised me for twelve years I never lived with my mom because she was always busy and she never had time to play with me or take me out, than my parents got divorced and now I have stepdad and halfbrothers. My mom spoils them more than me and spend time with them, now I'm living with her but only thing she talks about with me is studying, she never asks how i feel and If I got A - she will ground me. that's why i never tell her any grade. I also have 5 tutor and have no time for myself. Oh and my mom is famous now and she always posts my brothers pictures and stuff like that when they have birthdays she writes long post how much she loves them and when i had birthday she only wrote happy birthday and nothing else. Everyone likes my brothers more, her friends too. No one notices me but My Grandparents and father are always here for me. Sorry I had to post this, Stay strong I'm with you.

i am kind of like you my brother was born and i had a feeling it was not good every morning he would cry and my mom and dad takes care of him and always tell me that "hey do this do that"i feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry for you i wish days like that will turn lucky for you

I am so sorry your mom does that. My mom has spent a boring 4 days with me in the past 3 months and she cares so much about my brothers ba<x>seball than my softball I am 13 he is 9 what should i do?

Stop looking to your mom for approval. She is ill equipped as a mother and will disappoint you for the rest of your life. If you let her be your barometer for how loved you are, you will expect less than you deserve and will settle for unsatisfactory and shallow relationships. Are you playing Softball because you want her attention or do you like playing softball because you like it? Do what's best for you and the rest will work itself out...

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Shoot i totally get this...When i had my son...my daughter was forced to grow up in my mind..i had to get her to take care of more of herself...or i would not be able to handle baby number two...so i pushed her to learn to dress and eat by herself...and stop drinking her bottle..she was already two when my son came. But i realised also that it was soo easy to be happy with the baby than with my own daughter..whom prior to giving birth i though i would love more than anybody in the world. When we moved into my inlaws...they were rude to me.They kept telling me that i was being unfair to my daughter for not babying her...and dressing and taking care of her like a little girl...she was three. I was strict about her being independant eating her food with a spoon, dressing, and picking up her toys...But then again they did not know that i had come from a home where i was the only one taking care of them. my husband worked 5 am 7 pm. So they made drama...in front of her and she rebels because they put into her head that i loved her less than her brother..but it was her behavior that changed and made me feel less inclined to be playful. She is rebellious. Now my son is three and because i have no younger children. Im much more linient..i still feed him when he doesnt want to eat, and i still dress him...but guess what...i dress my daughter now too..lol Just because i am getting eight hours of sleep...and they are both so independent that i m rarely worn out because of them. I live by myself that helped my relationship with my children. So this is what i consider normal. What you had was probably a mom who got postpartum...which depression...can also be reflected in anger and a total hatred for someone or somethings. Your mother might be able to be fixed if she wants to. But its not your fault or it really has nothing to do with you personally..i believe its mental. i think that you have suffered and will need to see couseling...which will give you cooping mechanism...and talk to you about how to put behind all your suffering. And give you the warning signs of whether you might do the same to your children. (I have my own personal story i could share with you about repeating the parenting style.) Take care sweety. Enjoy your grandmother...not all children are lucky to have that one person in such an ugly storm.)<br />
hugz<br />
meroli

Thank you for being so honest. It seems like a lot of mom's feel like if they don't admit that they do treat their kids differently that it would make it less of a reality. The reality is that it happens whether you want it to or not, and being in denial makes it worse because the issue never gets discussed or resolved.

Honey, my kids felt like you did to, my son was the baby and my two girls had to understand that it wasn't that i loved him more. babies need care 24/7. But i do hear the hurt in your voice, and i'm sorry your mother did things like that to you. It must of been very hard. Remember your better than that , and that you are valuable and your feelings matter. Don't let her dysfunctional parenting depress you, that's her problem not yours. Don't own her bs, accept the fact that it happened, but don't claim it. It took a lot of courage to tell us this, i think you have what it takes to put it away from you as well. Be your own best friend, love yourself in spite of her foolishness.

Sorry that happened to you. I'm glad you get to live with your grandma. your mom is just broken & you cant fix her. that's not your fault, she is just not right. parents should love children unconditionally. hope things keep getting better for you, be kind to your self.

That's awful of your mom, and it sounds like abuse. I know of a book in which a family had five boys and the mother abused one and loved the others, and this is similar. I know the kind of treatment you received is wrong and a parent should love all of their children. Because you're a girl and your sibling is a boy, I wonder if your mom just favors boys to girls in general. Still, remember that you're worthy as a person, and not worthless, and I'm sure you're good and not deserving of that kind of treatment. I'm glad you have your friends at school and your grandma and that you live with your grandma instead of your mom.