Impossible To Please

There's nothing a child wants more than to make their parent proud, right?
That's all I've ever wanted, is for my mom to be proud, to love me with her whole heart, and to support me no matter what I do.

We had the closest relationship a mother and daughter could possibly have. I supported her through her journey through alcoholism, especially when my dad passed away.

I never left her side. Not once. She had broken my trust, said things that have wounded me, betrayed me.. Still, I never turned my back on my mother.

She is sober now. Today, actually, is the six month mark of her sobriety. Now it the time that I need her support the most. I'm in my final stretch of high school (junior, now), and I'm ready to launch into my adult life.

Ever since she's been in this relationship with her new boyfriend, she's gradually been putting him higher and higher above my sister and myself. It's as though he is her higher power, and he is all that matters to her.

I need her. But it's a battle in the house; my sister and I vs. her and her boyfriend. I will call him "Manchild" since mentally, he doesn't seem to have found his adult self.

She carries this anger within her, and it's gotten worse the past couple months. Today, when I got home from school, she rambled off an entire list of things about me that disappoint her. Ouch. I thought I was doing alright, better than I've been in a long time.

I called her out on her anger. She said she's fed up. I told her that even if she never had anything in the world to be angry at me for, that she would find something. She always does.

She just kind of shook her head at me and rolled her eyes. I asked her when the last time she was happy, and she had no response. I told her to find something to be happy about.

Because clearly, there isn't anything I can do to make her proud. Nothing I can do that will make her happy.
Sarah196 Sarah196
22-25, F
5 Responses Jan 23, 2013

sarah… *shaking head* -this is not about you and a measure of her esteem of you and you sister. sarah.. it's about her, her surprise at her life, her frustration and lack of control, her sorrow for not communicating better or performing as a mother she knows ya'll have deserved. -as hard as ti is.. she needs your support and patience. -course she may never grow to be just as she wishes.. but you have that chance today… to react to the circumstances that will help healing in the future. 'k? you get that other thought outa your head because it isn't real. -why do people behave that way ? it doesn't make sense? ----it is part of humans expressing guilt and deep regret and frustration and SHAME. one day you will be thankful that you let her be her best that she could be today. (not the best she is.. but as she could be 'today') -ya know? (arm-around-shoulder)

You are so right. Thank you so much. <3

I can relate to this about my mother and father, I hope you know that the emotional or surpressed emotions going on with your mom does NOT mean she doesn't love you, or want to support you; maybe in a way this is the only way she knows how to show any sort of "support" which sadly, is the exact opposite of what you feel and need. Don't ever doubt yourself, or question whether you should try harder or blame yourself. You are an amazing, beautiful soul, with lessons to give and hearts to touch. Make this thrive you to be the best that YOU can be to yourself, your sister, and yes even your mother. She will wake up one day, and be more proud of the person you become, and sad that she didn't always have your back in the ways that you needed it. Open your heart to happiness, joy, and excitement for the opportunities ahead of you, because you are so young and have so many AMAZING experiences to live: you are the master of your own universe, don't hold yourself back. Time and good faith is all we can hope for. be the best YOU can be, love yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Be proud of where you have been, and how you have grown. You stronger than you think. Head up pretty lady, there's family with you.

Love you. &lt;3

Sarah, you are clearly a very intelligent, articulate young lady. It is important for you to know that the problem here is your mum's NOT yours. Adults do not always act in a mature manner, as you have seen in your mum's boyfriend behaviour, and it seems, with respect, in your mum's. Sometimes you must accept that others' behaviour is not your responsibility. Be only the best person you can be and make YOURSELF proud. Stop trying to appease your mother until she grows up. xx

Thank you so much. &lt;3 You're too kind. Thank you for believing in me!

My pleasure Sarah. :)
I wonder if the following book might be of help to you?

"Toxic Parents - overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life" by Susan Forward PhD. You can google it to find a supplier.
All the best, xx

Thank you! I will definitely look into that. :)

Sarah... I would like to add you to my circle, however your profile is blocking me from doing so. Can you assist? Thanks MOM

Just added you to my circle. :)

Great! I am here for you anytime you need me..... the things you said really touched me and I am happy to be here for you.

Same to you! Your support is very much appreciated. :)

Sarah, Know that you ARE special and you DO have worth. You can do anything you set your mind to in spite of your mom NOT because of her. You sound like a strong young lady and I would be proud of you if you were my daughter!

Your response made me cry. I cannot thank you enough for the words you just said. Means more than I can put in words. Thank you. &lt;3