Favoritism?

I know my mom hates me. Why? That, I don't know. Perhaps because I'm a girl? A mixed girl who came out with curlier hair than her son and is obviously not as pretty? Because I'm quiet and introverted and not a loud, obnoxious, rude child like my brother?

When I was a kid, I was a good kid. Good grades, awards, nice, quiet, whatever. I was afraid to get into any sort of trouble. My brother, on the other hand, was horrible. Loud, screaming, spoiled. Talked back to her, and did things I would never dream of doing to her. But she always liked him better. She bought him toys, made him his favorite foods, while I got none of that. I was ignored until I made mistake, and then it was like my parents were happy to punish me. I could see the physical joy and smugness in her face. That pierced me to the heart and I would cry so much at night because I knew. My mother didn't love me. It's one thing to not have your dad love you, but your MOTHER too? It hurts to even type this. The memories are too vivid.

I was always the one no one cared about. I was slightly chubby as a kid, and my parents, especially mom, would call me fat. My brother...? Got none of that. No ridicule whatsoever.

I got along well with my grandparents far better than with my parents, and my parents got mad over that! I had grown too big for my clothes, and I asked mom if I could get new ones, but my mom would say in a bitchy voice," Why don't you ask grandma. She gets you everything." Was she jealous? Step up to the plate and be a real mom, *****, then I wouldn't have to go to grandma for everything. They'd try their hardest to keep me from my grandparents, because they knew it would hurt me, as well as them. My parents are sick bastards, and never got along with either of them. Ugh, things like that hurt me as a child, and it still hurts today. It chokes me up. Parents are supposed to love their kids... Where did I go wrong? What did I do to make you not love me? Why did you love my bratty brother, but not me?

This is a theory I have, and correct me if I'm wrong. I have witnessed this first hand three times in our family. This happened with my aunt and her mom, me and my mom, and my cousin and her mom. Is it because naturally, women love boys more? It seems that way. At least in my family, I see the boys getting away with **** that is inexcusable. "Boys will be boys" is the phrase that comes to mine. Oh but when it's one of us, we're bad, disgusting, blah blah. My aunt fought with her mother constantly just to be heard, because her mother would ignore her, and her mother would call her horrible things for it like "*****" and "worthless". Horrible things. And then, when the boys in our family get sexually promiscious, I swear it's as before. "Boys will be boys." But when I even mention a cute guy, I get the sex talk, it's immoral, wait until I'm married, blah, blah. What about THEM?! I am convinced that women just like boys more, and therefore will excuse their bullshit more because of favoritism.

I know you hate me and you don't care for me, mom, but guess what? You'll need me down the road, and I'll ignore you just as you did me.