It all started when I started doing ballet, when I was about 5. Whenever I finished a lesson my mum would drive me home in my car and say to me, in the most menacing of ways, "You need to point, you need to stretch, its basic stuff, you learn it when you first join (And this is the mean part) if you dont do that, you may as well quit and sit around and play video games and get fat. Big, sloppy and fat." And everyday i would go to my room and cry my eyes out. I used to write notes out on pieces of paper and tape them on the walls and give them to my dad to give to mum, because i was too afraid to actually say it. The notes would usually contain things like 'I hate mum' 'mum is mean' 'stop it mum' 'mum, why'. And whenever my brother got hurt or something happened to him my mum would come running, but if i sat in my room and cried for hours (Which i do on a daily basis) my mum would be sitting on a couch watching some random show. My dad was more caring though, i really liked my dad. And my mum practically TRAINED my brother to push me, hit me, kick me, call me '****' 'pooface', and most of all he sweared to my face and mum didnt care. It had been going on for days. My only escape was going outside, hiding and singing songs of suicide. I know it sounds horrible, but i used to do it. I would say, 'I didnt know any better, i thought it was a toy, so soon enough Mr Knife met Mr heart.' I loved my grandma, but my mum hated her. If im able i will write a note and stick it on the wall and get my scissors and do u kno wat. Its ot like i want to, but life really seems to hate me. I am afraid of murderers creeping into my room, and that just encourages these weird dreams. I am sleeping and i dream that my someone comes in and gets a knife and stab me and then cut off my eyes then make my mouth into a smile with the knife then covering my face with flour then putting mud on my lips then writing 'Now i am happy' on the walls then connecting my hand with the knife to make it look like suicide. i hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it. thats all for now, bye bye
KawaiiKween KawaiiKween
16-17, F
Mar 20, 2016