My Sister Hates Me

My sister and I were close until we reached our thirties. We are now in our late forties. Ever since we were kids, I fought her battles, defending her against family members when she divorced, against her ex-husband when I thought he was being unfair. I began noticing a change in her after I separated from the father of my children. I realize now, years later, that there might have been some jealousy behind her behaviour. She seemed thrilled when things didn't work out for my kids, jealous if I got a good job, went as far as trying to break up a relationship I was having a few years ago, tried to seduce my boyfriend. She once called our local radio station to take part in a contest, pretending she was me, and said some really stupid things. A few people heard her and believed the person was me and thought I might have been drinking. I finally confronted her about five years ago about all the hurt she caused me. In response, she wrote an email to my brother and sisters, telling them to keep me away from her, that she was afraid of me, that I was crazy. When things finally started to go her way (she had met the man of her dreams), she decided to warm up to me. I was on my guard because by then I had her figured out. About a year ago, she said some very nasty things about one of my nephews who is only a teenager. When I reported those awful rumours to my nephew's mother, she started ignoring and shutting me out again, as though I was the one at fault. Now I've decided to just give up on her. I'm the one who's afraid of her. I realize she has serious problems. As long as things are going her way, she'll behave herself, but I don't want to be around when her relationship fails. What I don't understand is why she underestimates me so much. I get the impression she thinks I'm too stupid to realize that she's being sarcastic, or trying to insult me in a subtle way, etc. I realize that many people mistake kindness for stupidity. If she only knew, I can see right through her. It still hurts, but I finally understand that I am not responsible for her behaviour or mental problems. I have no other choice but to keep as far away as possible. I would like to know if anyone has gone through something similar and how they handle it.
Fedupsister Fedupsister
46-50
1 Response Jan 11, 2013

Hi Fedupsister
I hear what you're saying.
My sister is 4 years younger. When she was 7 she was sexually assaulted. Her life was always difficult after that. She picked the wrong friends, had many abusive boyfriends. She's been married and divorced 3 times. I've rescued her a lot. She's lived with me. I picked her up when police saved her from attempted suicide etc etc etc. She has 4 children from 2 fathers and only sporadically contacts them. She is on government disability and so sometimes I would help financially if she asked. Five years ago, her oldest came to visit us and stayed. She blames me for "taking her children away from her" and has rewritten her history. She has drawn in my brother who now feels sorry for her. I've tried to regain our closeness but it's been two years now. Should I just leave it alone and let her contact me if she wants to?
So I guess I'm saying perhaps your choice is the only choice.