Nice Guys Never Stay Nice

At least I didn't, anyway.

I used to be really nice, I was the kind of guy that would give you the shirt off his back If I thought you needed it more than I did. I gave everyone rides when they were in a bind, I held the door for women on dates, always picked up the check at the end of the night, walked them to the door and so on and so forth. Hell, I even paid for my friend's groceries a couple of times and made an easter basket for his little brother when he and his mom couldn't afford anything; And I used to feel really good about doing these kinds of things, too. It gave me a sense of satisfaction that I was really helping people when they needed it the most, that I was always courteous and respectful and that people thought I was a decent guy. That is until I started to notice a disturbing trend: I would start hearing these "friends" that I helped out telling each other that I was a pushover and they could get me to do whatever they wanted me to, that I was a doormat and I had no spine. And those women that I was so respectful to never wanted to take anything past "just being my friend" or not being ready for a relationship, and not wanting to talk to me anymore when I started to make allusions to the fact that I thought of them as something more than that. This would usually happen after I had paid for dinner and a movie six or seven times, sometimes I'd see the same girl downtown getting hammered with different guys every weekend. Of course being me I figured that the trend wouldn't continue and things would start to look up for me soon.

I don't think I could have been more wrong, I kept getting walked on and kicked to the curb again and again for the next year and a half before I realized that people were just using me for their emotional and financial wants and didn't see me as anything more than that. 

After realizing what's going on I've resigned myself to the notion that you can't trust anybody, especially not women, and that having close friends is a waste of time because they just burn you in the end anyway. I know that it sounds callous, even harsh depending on how you look at it, but it's kind of vindicating to feel that way. It makes me feel better because even though I don't like myself much I can almost justify not liking anyone else either.
I wouldn't really recommend living that way though. So if there is someone generous and giving in your life that you take for granted, at least give them the benefit of a kind word every now and then, you'd be surprised at what it can do for their self esteem to know they're appreciated by someone.
thesunnevershines thesunnevershines
22-25, M
10 Responses Jul 18, 2010

aww :3. and this is why I dislike the whole dating game. but ya being nice just because ur nice is great. u do something without expecting to get something in return. thts the way it should be. don't let anyone take a way ur niceness :3. and give r nicenesss to someone who deserves it! lol

I have had in my life five great friends. They have helped me at the lowest point in my life. Four I have known since grade school one I met in college. I still keep in touch with them. When they helped me I never thought of them as a pushover, I was grateful. What they have done is teach me what a true friend is. I have been able to help them, but its more than that. They accept me for who I am and I accept them. We have been there for each other. I have never met a woman though (except my sister) that would go this distance. Yes I have my fun, but I have seen to many men stuck in a miserable relationship to let this happen to me.

I was, still am, and always will be the "nice guy". Sure, alot of what you wrote happened to me too. "no good deed goes unpunished" is a very true (though unfortunate) statement. Ive been where you are and in many ways I still am there because no matter how frustrated, run down, or disallusioned I become with it all... I just cant find it within myself not to consider my fellow human beings. No, I am not as much of a doormat or push over as I used to be. I can come across as cold hearted sometimes, and uncaring which is far from the truth as can be. Being the "nice guy" IS the most unappreciated way to be that there is. It doesnt make you "popular", or "hot" or even "cool"....in fact it often makes you the biggest "fool" that there is. But as I got older, it didnt matter to me what others thought of me and I didnt care if it make me look like a "loser". Ive become alot more cautious...even skeptical over time, but I still take pride in that I am here if someone needs me, I will help in any way I can IF I can. That makes me trustworthy, reliable, and dependable. Alot of the values of this world have changed drastically, especially here in our culture and society. Personal and social responsibility are fast fading our existence, you can see that every day just about every where you look. It makes me feel good that I can be among those who are keeping those values alive. No, Im not perfect and Im definitely not better than anyone else. There is only one person I know who truly appreciates me for who I am...and that woman married me. So dont give up...we nice guys may finish last, but we do finish, and thats what is important.

I am the nice gal to your nice guy. I was always the nice gal in the relationship with jerks who took my kindness for granted, ultimately walking all over me. I had my heart broken one too many times when I met my recent ex and I treated him like crap when he was nothing but amazing. I have great remorse and have resolved to always be the nice gal, but always trust my instincts and stand up for myself. The truth is, sometimes you have to teach people how to treat you, but the one you don't will be the one worth keeping around. This goes for friendships and relationships. Fortunately I learned that lesson 8 years ago when it pertained to my friends, because now I have a great support group to lean on while I mend my broken heart from another lesson learned, a little late but better than never. The truth is, I feel like a sh*tty person when I am not, it is not okay to not like yourself. You have to be a good person, because those other people that are bad are only trying to get where you are and have yet to find the courage to break the mold.<br />
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Nice guys finish last... So do Nice girls. We will all meet up one day and make great love and music

youre different from me, i thought i was being nice but in fact i was being selfish, if i were you i would enjoy my singleness to the fullest, marriage is forever and being single is temporary, so you should enjoy it before you get married. the world is big and so are the opportunities awaiting for you so take advantage of it. dont play with women though, use your time to improve yourself until you marry your true love

Amen to being that good guy... boo to giving up on it. Be nice to people, but guard yourself against users and abusers. Nice Guys do finish last, but remember.. In the race of life, the winner dies first.

socalman463 <br />
That was said perfectly.

sad but true.

That is how my fiance is. He is the nicest guy. It hurts me to see him get takin advantage of. <br />
I hope you are still a sweet, good guy. There aren't that many men like that out there. Some day you will find a WOMAN that doesn't like to be treated like trash. I know because my first real relationship was full of daily beatings. I really am thankful for him. I tell him every chance I get.

Great story, dude. Well written and, unfortunately, very true. But I still believe in trying.