Nobody Ever Seems To Like MeAll my life, for as long as I could possibly remember, I have always been disliked from my peers. Not to say everybody, but it's hard for me to make friends and it's hard to find someone who really does like me. I have very few friends. Pretty much more enemies than friends.
It never used to bother me before, but it's getting out of hand. I had to leave my old school and go to a new one, for crying out loud! Let me start at the beginning...
In elementary school, there were a lot of people that didn't like me, but there were also a lot of people that did so I didn't care about those that didn't because the ones I did balanced it out well enough for me.
Then my parents divorced and my mother and I moved to a different city, which of course meant new school (I was starting middle school that year) and new friends. In middle school, oh my goodness. That was very tough. I had a hard time all throughout middle school because I couldn't fit in and the only friend I had for a while was the school bully who picked on me, but I put up with her because she was the only friend I had.
Due to how badly I was disliked in middle school, before I got to high school, I decided that whatever was wrong, it wasn't anyone's fault but mine. I didn't do anything to those people in middle school to make them dislike me so I decided that whatever it is, it had to be my personality. So the solution: Change and be anyone but who I am. So before I got to high school, I worked on my personality change.
By the time I got to high school, I had already made myself into one of those happy, bubbly girls (because everybody likes the happy, bubbly girls) and it actually worked! I was very well-liked...for a few months.
Then I don't know what happened. It was like middle school all over again, only worse. Like I mentioned above, I had to leave that school. It was hell.
When I tell people my story, they say that the reason why they didn't like me is because I wasn't being myself, which I guess is true. I wasn't being myself and maybe they saw through that after a while. And it pissed them off, I don't know. But I don't think it was just my fake personality change. People disliked me way before that. What would have been the point of changing my personality if I was well-liked enough already being who I was? Obviously I made up a different more likeable personality of myself BECAUSE people hated the real me. Simple logic. So all that "Just be yourself" advice is actually bad advice in my case. Being myself got me into this.
The real question is...What is wrong with me? What do I have in me that other people see and decide they don't like in the least? I know it has got to be something with me. I will admit, I'm a very sweet girl. Very kind, friendly and big-hearted. I'm basically a good person, but I'm pretty sure it can't be that everybody I meet is screwed up. Surely it can't be that. It has to be me somehow. There has to be something wrong with me. There just has to. There's something about me that people don't like. I'm sure of it. But what?
deadmoon 18-21, F 33 Responses 5 Jul 18, 2010