Garbage

I joined the military, falling for the recruiting propaganda that I would gain confidence, self esteem, and "brotherhood." The truth is I have never felt more alone and worthless. I have old injuries that cause me constant pain so i am not good at pt and because of it I am treated like garbage or shunned. I get treated bad if my hair, uniform, etc is not perfect. All of these things are so superficial and I hate myself for being shallow enough to care about being perfect. I have no social life because all I do is study, and no one cares that I am top in my class because all they still see is a slow runner. I eat almost every meal alone. I am away from my family and have grown apart from my friends at home. I try to think of ways to get discharged but there are none that won't ruin my life in some other area. All life has been for the past few months is stress and loneliness, I have no time to be myself and even if I did I don't know who I am anymore. I think about killing myself every day.
Khgtm23 Khgtm23
22-25
1 Response Nov 28, 2012

I had a similar experience in the military - ran away from terrible family life, and was scooped up by recruiters. I suffered from that moto bullshit later when I got injured. You should see if you can speak with a psychologist or therapist - the M.D. will try to drug you out, but there are psephologist at the hospitals that can help get you through some of it.