It's Been A Year And About 2 Weeks Since I Last Talked To You... But Who's Counting?! Lol!

I know the felling well. I hope your paths cross again. It's been a yr and 3 months since the last time my best friend and I last spoke and saw each other. Our paths cross here and there at work, but, we really don't get the chance to speak. My job recently changed and we will have to cross paths more often. I am actually nervious about this.........I hope he and I can be friends like we were once before. If not, I hope him the very best. Again I hope your paths cross again :)

Bonnie - thank you for the kind comment! I wish my best wishes for me and SS too!! LOL!!



WonderWoman - you are right - gone (either temporarily or permanently) but NEVER forgotten!

Isn't this EP site all about sharing our grief and support each other. I have been following yours and SS stories.. I wish both of you my best wishes.. Bonnie

I have read this entire thread of comments.



DoO give 25 years of history the credit that its due. He knows how you feel. Love has conditions and boundaries. You both managed to maintain them for very good reasons, I'm sure.



If he did not know how you feel, he would not have cut off contact with you. If he did not love you, he would have been too selfish to depart. Then what love you did have would have been destroyed by the original catalyst of this situation, the broken relationship with your husband.



Right now time is serving you well. You have learned somethings about yourself and your relationship with him. You would know better than anyone else if he might be having a similar experience. I'd imagine so. Accept that. Know that this is an issue of "someday". And even if someday never comes, you have had something others never experience and survives in spite of the ending.



You are right, you need to have your solitary life in place before you can begin again. It would show him and your joint future an unselfish love that both of you will need to move forward.



And stop hoping he knows what the details of this event were. You owe it to him to explain, even if you don't get a response. And let him off the hook for the response. Let him know that you needed him to know. No strings, no response necessary. It is a single step for a bridge you will both have to build, if you will ever repair the breach caused by someone who sees you as a possession.



If your husband knew "how" to love you this situation would not exist. It is not totally his fault, but trust me he has no "intention" of doing anything, except keeping what is his. If he did you would know that. His actions would at least be contradictory, suspect or flat out unbelievable. But his inability to communicate, trust or accept his own or your actions, says there will always be imbalance in your lives.

Some people thrive on sameness even when it's bad.



Contact your friend. Settle your mind and heart. Make a plan for your future and stick to it......

And know that there are those who share this experience and are here should you need a shoulder or a simple word.

My husband knows I am on EP - he probably knows who I am - BUT I am not doing anything on here that he does not know about anyway - AND if he wants to read about how much I miss this friend, then he learns two things - 1) I am not over the friend and his role in my life (told him that I needed, at the very least, closure - and he has SAID he will apologize so that I can get the closure BUT that has not happened and I am not holding my breath!); and 2) that I am not sneaking around and trying to contact my friend PLUS why would he want to torture himself reading how much I wish I weren't married to him?!



Anyway, been thinking about changing my name just enough so that my friends don't get confused but my husband can't find me as easily - BUT, again, I am not doing anything that I wouldn't want him to see! Plus, though his promises don't mean much anymore, he has "promised" to leave me alone on EP - he KNOWS I need an outlet for venting and sharing!



I am hoping right there with you my new friend - hoping he will come looking for me, hoping he finds me and hoping he misses me as much as I miss him!



If I remember correctly, you joined a group about missing someone yourself - I hope that you don't have to always miss them! And I hope you have happiness in your life or are pursuing it earnestly!

Missteri!!!! I have been gone for some time too - taking a breather from analyzing myself too much which is what I was doing being on EP and writing! Thank you for the nice thoughts and for checking in! I hope you are doing okay!! And I do know that you can empathize quite well with me - I hope things are better!! Thanks for the hug and I am sending one your way too!

Yes, this is the same friend that I talk about in "I have a best friend of the opposite sex" and he was my rock - really, still is, in a way - he believed in me and reminded me of the good things I have in me - I knew they were there, but they were getting buried in a mountain of stress and depression and someone looking to me as the answer to all of the negative things in his life. I am my worst enemy and he told me to stop beating myself up - and he had a way of saying things that didn't put me off or make me defensive - I think it was because I knew he LIKED me - thought good things about me - appreciated me for who I was - not wanting me to change.



I hope that my friend feels the same way, but I am sure that how things ended really did not sit well with him PLUS I had told him I would never reveal the extent of our relationship - but he may think that I did - what I didn't realize is that my husband was getting on my cell phone when I was asleep and forwarding my email to his email plus he was reading FICTIONAL stories I had written and saved and thinking they were NON-Fiction!



Why we didn't end up with each other in the first place?? Well, since we have talked about that since reconnecting, I now realize (VERY SADLY!) that we both misunderstood each others' feelings - he thought I deserved better than him and I thought he didn't care about me except for the physical aspect, but really, he was pulling away because he thought I deserved better - so we mis-read each other due to our own insecurities - AND we never really got closure and talked about it - I just didn't come to something he invited me to - told him I wasn't and that was kind of it! And then here we have NO CLOSURE again!



Today, I miss him more than ever - good grief!



Thanks for such support!!! Everyone of you that have commented, it has been an encouragement to me today!

I think you need to send this to him. Snail mail would probably work best (so hubby can't snoop through your e-mail). In the mean time, you still have your EP brother as a friend who loves you very much :-) You should give him a buzz sometime...

Dorothy, you and I are married to men who just cannot love the way our hearts desire to be loved. I won't feel guilty any longer. After 28 years of being with this same man and he still doesn't get it, he never will. Same thing with your man. I too wish you the most incredible life and love, I THINK YOU DESERVE THIS!!!!! :-D

Good for you - as long as you are aware of the limits, that will help to guard your heart!! I wish such good things for you - I want you to be happy and content with your life AND to feel loved and cherished!! What is wrong with people that they can't see how they ruin wonderful things in their lives by taking them for granted?!?!

I got tired of doing farmville too. I was able to meet someone else on another game which has a chat place. He helped me to move on from YOU KNOW WHO, HAHA!!! Except this timI'm not going into this TOTALLY BLIND!!! I know where I stand and what can or cannot happen. Nothing will come of it, he lives on the other side of the world!!! Still, it's nice to move on from something which cause me the most incredible heart ache in my life....

You are so sweet Lily!!!!! I think I will eventually contact him, but I want to be clear with myself and my plans for the future, minus him! I know I can always count on you to speak to the romantic and hopeful heart in me!!! I HOPE he feels the same way - I HOPE he misses me 1/2 as much as I miss him AND I sometimes hope that he is secretly on EP checking up on me and reading all of my stories, etc... but he may be afraid to do that even!



I hope you are doing well!!! I haven't been on Facebook much because I got tired of farming and having to check on things all the time AND because, what do you say to people that are catching up with you when you don't know what you are doing with a big part of your life??!! : )

I still say to you, life is too short!!!!! Call this man, write to him do everything in your power to contact him. Let him know how you feel!!! I have this feeling he feels the same way!!! What will it hurt, if he says NO, then my dear friend, YOU can move on. Hugs and kisses to you...:-D

You will have a better understanding of things..

Thanks, D....





Penny

No I have not - I will do that right now!!

Yes..you're right about the years of hard heartedness....which is where I am trying to keep my eye....but, sweety...have you read his story "The Blackness"?......

Thanks P - I think that a person can not be honest with others until they are honest with themselves - which is STILL not happening in my marriage. And I wonder, how long do you wait for someone to pull it together?!



I do think that sometimes, we need to consider that some people have struggled for some time with living with someone that was so hard-hearted and unforgiving and harsh; and that they need to come to realize that the new person in their life is NOT going to treat them so harshly when they simply tell the truth!



I am a VERY forgiving person (as you seem to be too) and hope the best from people, so I believe I have not "enabled" my husband with his lying - I mean, 16 years of forgiving, moving on, understanding, get my hopes up and then having all of that work thrown back in my face by continuous lies and criticism that if I was just different, he would be different YET I am the one trying to change HIM - ugh!



Sorry, I hit a nerve for myself - LOL!



Thanks for the words of support!!

D....I know just how you feel...the lies not only hurt at the time, but make it impossible to trust anything. Where do you start to build back the trust when you can't find a single honest thing to use as the foundation? I have no idea..but I search....tenaciously....for that one thing.....

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((DoO))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



xoxoxoxo

zall1rog -



You said: "Who would not want the friendship of someone as generous hearted as you are, in such sad circumstances?"



That is so nice of you to say! I sometimes wonder why MY HUSBAND didn't see me that way! (I'm not sure he still sees me this way!)



You said: "I am sure I am not the only one, reading this, who wonders whether he deserves you"



I got confused by this - which "he" are you talking about - the friend? And why do you think that - really interested to hear your take on that!



You said: "but our feelings for others do not depend simply on how they feel about, and treat, us."



You got that right - good thing for my husband for many years!! I didn't feel overwhelming bitterness until about 2 years ago! (lol!)



Thanks for the comments!!!

Ephabalas - He WAS on EP - only to talk to me - but when it ended, I checked from time-to-time to see if his profile was still on and eventually, it was no longer there. I can't remember if I posted the letter my husband wrote to him, but it was AWFUL - threatening his family, his job, everything! He (the friend) doesn't know that I know about the letter - he was threatened to not tell me that my husband had anything to do with it - but I KNEW the moment my friend ended things so abruptly. My husband has finally admitted that he wrote the letter not only out of rage and wanting "that man" out of our lives but also to punish me. I can't blame my husband for being hurt and angry but, at the same time, my husband was supposed to be wanting to "win my heart back" and had promised that he would allow ME to end things - get closure, etc... so, it was a big mistake on my husband's part! One that I have had a hard time getting over because one of my husband's biggest issues is lying to me - all the time, about stupid stuff and not so stupid stuff! I feel funny saying that, considering I am the one that cheated, but I guess, I think, I didn't do anything to make him doubt me or NOT trust me UNTIL I felt emotionally abandoned and took a friendship too far (about a year and a half ago) and he has been lying to me since before we were married YET, he did NOT trust me from the start and I continued to hope and trust that each lie was a one-time-deal, and he would not do it again - fool me once, shame on you, fool me about 200+ times, shame on me - LOL!



Sorry to ramble on - having a "down" kind of day and really missing having my friend to talk to more than ever!

Who would not want the friendship of someone as generous hearted as you are, in such sad circumstances? I am sure I am not the only one, reading this, who wonders whether he deserves you: but our feelings for others do not depend simply on how they feel about, and treat, us.

ME TOO!!

Well Dorothy .. I should add, while I often feel as if it's a bittersweet situation now ... I am at heart very, very, very sappy ... and I'll always hope to get stuck on the sweet part.

Mirvi - you are right - it does help to know that someone feels what I feel - or at the very least, understands and even better, empathizes! I also agree that the past helps make us who we are today - we learn from it so we can create a better future for ourselves and, hopefully, for our children! I so wish that you weren't right about having the "right love at the wrong time," but I KNOW you are and that makes it, as SS said, BITTERSWEET!

Bittersweet

Hi,

I also feel the lost of my frieindship,he was the best friend i ever had.I feel lost and wonder if some day our roads will cross again.If he only knew how much i miss him,its not true that time helps you forget it actually makes things worst.Its the unknown that can kill you.I do wish the best for him and really truly hope he is happy,as i rather give up so he can have.



WE all know that the past is not earasable,its what makes us who we are today,while still keeping the memories alive.It just happen that we had the right love at the wrong time,thats how our cards are dealt some people win when they gamble and some lose.



He will always be in my heart and some how i sence he knows that,if i meant anything to him at all he will never forget me either.And i truly hope that he misses me as much i do him and he will at least email and let me no how he is doing.



Well you take care and i hope we can someday bring closure no matter how it turns out.

If you need a friend iam here,we are both feeling the lost of people.And sometimes its good to know that there is someone else thats feels what you feel.If you want to write to me private i will reply.