I Disagree To An Extent...

Let me just start off by saying that age is just a number, I whole heartedly believe that. However, I believe that even though age is just a number, age does tell a lot about a person. A certain experience is expected, a certain level of maturity in life as well as within the person. And before all the older men go jumping on me for writing this, I believe that it is not only older men who this article applies to but older women as well. I chose to address only older men in this piece because this is the most common trend not only within EP but in the entire world. Older women seldom date younger men, moreover this is still seen as a taboo in most cultures when an older woman dates a younger man. So the examples stated in this story are more applicable to the older man, younger woman type relationship as these types of relationships are more prevalent. Here are my thoughts on the matter...

There are a lot of problems with this scenario. I think there are scenarios when the two are genuinely "in love". However, I believe that more often than not, the parties involved are indeed using each other. The older man usually using the younger woman for sex, an easy going girlfriend not too fussed about commitment, someone that he can mould (yes I said it, MOULD) into the woman that he wants her to become. And the younger woman usually using the older man for financial security and occasionally, for sex.

I'm only 25 and even I can see the gulf between most younger women and myself. What more someone who is 30+ years? Granted some women are very mature and some men are somewhat immature so it is not unfathomable to see how it could work. But after questioning myself as well as questioning a few older men as to what they find appealing in a younger woman, I found a few reasons why the younger woman may be preferred by older men.

1. Less baggage due to a lack of experience.

2. Easily influenced again due to a lack of experience.

3. Mouldable due to a lack of experience as well as her eagerness to please her older man who she would no doubt see as some sort of a "father" figure in her life as opposed to a partner.

4. Sexually more open. Once again this ties into the lack of experience and her eagerness to please.

5. Not really demanding. Though subjective, I do find that most young women are not too demanding. If they are demanding, the things they demand are usually attainable, sometimes.

I'm sure there are many more reasons but those are the ones I can think of from the top of my head. Now I have to say, even I wouldn't mind having a younger woman if I can have as much influence over her as I can. I certainly have a better chance of influencing a younger woman the older I am to an extent. Ultimately, this is the main reason I believe, why older men prefer younger women.

Of course these statements cannot be true for every young woman and older man. I would hate to make such sweeping generalisations. But more often than not, I find this to be the case. A younger woman is more likely to be submissive to an older man, and most men love a woman who is submissive. There is nothing wrong with that, absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. However, I do feel that there is a propensity within these relationships for domination and grooming to occur and equal partnership seldom achieved. I'm not knocking anyone in this type of a relationship, I believe that both parties can be very happy in this state. If they are both getting what they want, why not???

Happiness IS relative though. One does wonder, how relatively happy people in these relationships are. Just a thought...
Scorpio1987 Scorpio1987
22-25, M
4 Responses Sep 8, 2012

"Let me just start off by saying that age is just a number, I whole heartedly believe that".

AND:

"Happiness IS relative though. One does wonder, how relatively happy people in these relationships are. Just a thought".

Men and women the world over and since time immemorial have 'used' each other; chances are that the future will move onward in a likewise manner. But ... It doesn't take age difference for either man or woman to 'use' their partners, and so in the way that you mention differing ages 'using' one another, it becomes a mute point when it doesn't take age for this to happen in the first instance. Men use women, women use men and this is not age related and it doesn't take any age-gap because it simply 'happens'. In which case it shouldn't be seen to be that the age-difference defines the way in which people use each other and so the point is lost at this point.

Loyalty within the realms of love holds no age barriers either; it could be said that the older party has a better grasp on loyalty than the younger party and, likewise, it could be said that both party parties could be lacking in loyalty, so (once again) the age issue doesn't come into the equation. Maturity is not measured by any age that I have ever met; frankly, I have met a mature 18 year old who would put a 40 year old person to shame ... so much for 'maturity'.

Age cannot be said to 'tell a lot about a person' simply by the age equation; again, there is an assumption here that the older person is 'expected' to have a set pattern of maturity, and yet again it's clear that the older person is equally capable of nurturing his/her years as she/he is equally capable of not growing in maturity. In this case, age fails to tell 'a lot' about a person because age itself is not the defining character which reveals the person to us as we see them; I have met a lot of immature, older people in my time.

I can't say that I agree OR disagree with the issue of older men dating younger women and that is because there are no set rules or boundaries in what is deemed to be 'acceptable'. Those rules are set within the individuals who get involved in such a way and, as such, it would then be down to them in how they get along with each other. Who can tell a couple who are 'unequal' of age that they aren't in love, that what they are doing will all end in tears, that they are using each other or that they won't carry on being in love? None of us really know that.

The final analysis comes down to 'Experience'. No one can tell a younger man or an older lady how we only think they *should* feel; they feel what they feel and there is no harm in that and the older party falling in love with the younger party (and vice-versa) is down to chemistry, but that doesn't mean it will fail as it equally means it will continually be a success. If either are out to deceive, then it would be up to them to find out, but then dosen't this happen to those who partner up with people relative to their own ages anyway?

I can't say I agree with your 1 - 5 list because, frankly, they are open to question by those who live within different age-groups who would say these statements do not apply to them

"Live and let live" seems to strike a bell with me here and I am not really sure from which angle you are pitching or, for that matter, from where you stand and that is why my response pitches from both ends. :)

~F~

I am probably jumping in very late, but I've only just seen Scorpio's excellent post.
I have been searching for a young gf/lover for many years. In that time (only) 4 stand out, but distance always prevented us from getting together.
Two of these were very wealthy and, in their own circles, well known, one nationally. They knew that I am married, but there is/was no sex.
I make no bones about it, they were all very attractive, sexually. One said, very early on, "You know you want IT" and I said, "Of course I do !!".
I love attractive women, covering a wide age range and, of course, in the very nature of things, young women of child bearing age are designed to be very attractive to most men. But what did they see in me ?
Well, I aim to be just me. Life has dealt me some hard cards because I am a highly creative and talented, but gullible, person in a grasping, cruel business world (it needn't be !) and I have been the loser. So I am not wealthy, and they all knew that.
I have a gsoh and can laugh at myself. Despite my appalling business experiences, I can hold my head high and am at peace with myself.
I can carry on a good conversation over a wide range of topics and take an interest in where the girls were at, whether it was a young sportswoman, a member of the "minor" aristocracy, a glamour model, or a student who did photoshoots for top shelf magazines !
Now, at the age of 76, very fit and still with a healthy sex drive, I think that they felt that good, physical sex would have an extra, possibly indefinable, interest. And let's face it, life is not just sex, although that is an important ingredient. I think that they all felt that there was also a bit of a mystery of all my life time experiences, many of which were in an immediate post-war world that has gone for ever.

I would never seek to groom a young woman. I know that it would be ridiculous and irresponsible to consider children. I know that she would probably move on. But, I would hope, always, that she would look back on that wonderfully intimate time with an old man, as one that was wholly creative, healthy, and encouraging. in some cases, I hope that she would want to remain friends, if she were allowed to do so.
Peter

Thank you for your comment Peter. :-)

I think older women should see younger men.....

I definitely believe that age concerning young men and older women should not be regarded as a taboo in this case. Though life experiences, goals and aspirations may clash, it is important that both parties understand where they stand and what they want from the relationship. If each individual is honest with the other then I do not see the problem with this union.

I wonder what happened to people dating someone their own age...

*sigh* - We live in a world were the young have to grow up fast and being with someone way older or younger than yourself is becoming less of a taboo. In some ways this is good, but in many ways it isn't so good.

I like that you don't want to pass judgement on every individual couple. I have had an amazing guy friend who is fifteen years older than me. I don't care about his age, because he is an amazing person. He is a gentleman. I would marry him, but he doesn't see me that way.
However, when some random guy off the street, who's older than me, tries to make a move one me, his age adds to the creepiness. So creepy.
My friend is different. Other older men, that's different.

That's interesting. I guess age plays less of a role once you get to know the person in question.

Yeah, that's exactly it.