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People Don't Like Me And I Just Recently Found Out Why.

Ever since I was small the only people I could make friends with were the other people that nobody else liked. I was constantly picked on and excluded from everything. Always the last person to be picked for a team in gym class, I didn't want to play anyway because I knew I would be last to be picked. I was never able to get a boyfriend from the same school I went to, they were always in another county. Any friends I did manage to make were also not from my school. I didn't find out that I had social anxiety disorder until I was about 35. But when I did, it explained every thing. While I was terrified to speak or move in front of other people they interpreted it as me being cold, selfish, disinterested, and rude. I still can't hardly make friends. I go to clubs and see people dancing and having fun and I want to too so much, but I just can't move. Once someone had bothered to make to effort to get to know me, in spite of my lack of ability to even move half the time, I can open up just fine and talk about just about anything and do silly, goofy stuff, and express my opinions. But until I believe that someone won't laugh at me, be mean to me, or make fun of me, I am convinced that they would have no interest in anything I might have to say which renders me unable to communicate because I don't want to annoy people with the burden of having to listen to me speak.
katnipkitkat katnipkitkat 41-45, F 32 Responses Dec 26, 2010

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I Like u. I don't think I've got an anxiety disorder but I can easily relate to what you're saying.

Thanks.

Well, this all sounds awfully familiar...I hope you're doing well these days.

I never thought I might have social anxiety till this year when my hands started to visibly shake when talking to people, and I started losing my breath. It was easy to blame the bullies, since that's what teachers and parents tell you to do. But I realized looking back this year, that the common denominator in all my years of school was me and not them.

To those saying that its not a real disorder, look up 'oxytocin deficiency'. Oxytocin is a hormone that your body is supposed to naturally produce, but if there isn't enough of it, it causes social anxiety among other things.

How did you cure it? I'm going to a doctor soon for it. I want to know what to expect.

I haven't cured it. I am just doing my best to avoid the situations in which it happens.

I understand.
my inner voice rationalizes it this way -
"it's not that i won't bother with you, it's just i don't wanna bother you"

wow you sound like me.. can't get friends or boyfriend.. i do say hello to people but they naver answer me or they tell me go to hell

I was able to get a little more attention once I learned how to make balloon animals. :P

Sounds familiar.

To the person below me- isn't 'normal' a setting on the washer? Heheh. Have an awesome day!! :-)

I am the exact same way. I skipped gym class because no one ever picked me. I never fit in with any groups except other people who were not in the "norm". I was terrified to speak up in class and when the teacher called on me I would go completely silent. All the other kids thought I was so strange, and I guess I am. But now I'm learning to embrace it. Who wants to be "normal" anyway. I don't want to conform and I never will.

You can always talk to me, I love to listen! *hug* Hope ya have a great day!

I am sorry to hear that your husband so unsupportive to your disorder. I hope that you can get into a support group and get the help you need. If you ever want to talk just write to me anytime.

Omg you have my life im like that I work in a small team of 20 people and only one talks to me I cant talk about football or rugby just motor sport. It's so hard to fit in

No offense but I don't think that is a real disease. Nobody in the world wants to be laughed at. We are all afraid of it. But that doesn't mean we are all sick. Some manage to deal with it better than others, thats it.

I like you Katnip cuz ur so good looking, but i spoe i should ba<x>se my addmiration on ur great personality! ...tsk tsk, im such a sucker for cutie babes.

I don't know what your situation is, but if your husband is terrible to you, can't you divorce him? Are you tied to your marriage by family and/or religious obligations or sense of duty? My sister-in-law was never married but she cohabitated with a man for nearly 20 years. Always put her down and didn't let her have a life outside the home. The damage it did was incredible. Only now, years after leaving him, is she recovering mentally/emotionally from the constant put-downs. Social anxiety will always be there -- I suffer from it too -- but there's no need for it to be made far worse by living with someone whose only purpose in life, apparently, is to be a bully.

I can't leave just yet. I have my visa to worry about. I don't want to have to go back to the US and start all over from zero again.

you are to hard on yoursef

Sometimes if I try to make lists I can get all wrapped up in it and spend hours trying to make a simple little list.

I have tried. But I am not currently satisfied with the doctor I have been seeing since I moved. I did some reading on the internet and thought it would be a good idea to have a polysomnography test done. I took the test on Friday. I will hear the results on the 31st. I figure it would be helpful to try to determine if some, all, or none of my mental issues are a result of sleep problems. Right now I have decided to make fixing my sleep problem top priority. I am sick and tired of being sleepy all day long no matter how long I sleep at night!

Sorry to hear of your troubles. Have you tried meds? There are several on the market and it sounds like you need something that takes care of depression and the social disorder. I take meds, no way around it for me. As for your husband, try some couples therapy with role reversal. With your particular problems it is not helping you to hear from him how bad you are or any type of criticism. If you want to stay in this relationship its going to take some hard work from both of you. You should be with someone that understands you and loves you for you, not for who they want you to become and most of all you should be happy with your husband. I have been married 4 times, still in the 4th ...the first three were not good choices on my part and I wasted lots of time and energy trying to be happy with my bad choices.

I wish I could say my story sound like yours but I cant. I knew I had anxiety issues early . LIke 9<br />
BUt I pushed threw them . I would vomit before cheer, choir, or track. and make my self dance, I would smile until it looked goofy. I love being in my house to this day. I am so much more social in m own home (after i have meet you at least once) . The first time people meet me they think im kind of a *****. oh well. the friends I really need are the ones that come back. I get not being ok with people you dont know in your face. But you have to learn to push your self thru that wall. start small, the next time you in a store a someone makes a funny comment , laugh. then the next time after that say somehthing back. push

Thanks.

i have recently found a doctor i feel i can trust i have only been seeing her a few months and already she has helped me a lot more than any other doctor has in my life allthough i am very sorry you are feeling this way i am also glad you posted this i finally know i am not crazy or alone in the way i feel i wish you luck in finding the help you need and the right doctor

@katie0001 If you think you might have it then try to find a good doctor to help you with it. I am still trying to find a doctor I like since I moved almost 4 years ago.

omg i totally understand how you feel and can relate to every word i am so sorry you are feeling this i know what it is like i have been wondering for a long time what is wrong with me i have never heard of social anxiety disorder i have just googled it and think that is what is wrong with me i am sorry i cant make you feel better i really wish i could do you feel able to talk to your doctor about how you feel they may be able to help<br />
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take care hun hope you find a way to get through this

Every time I try to start to work up motivation to do even one small thing the husband starts telling me how horrible I am and all motivation just flies right out the window.

just try one small thing at a time.

I just don't have the energy to do anything anymore. The apartment smells funny, I can't remember the last time I touched the vacuum cleaner. I can just barely get up to go to work anymore. I really think my sleeping difficulties are totally catching up with me. So I decided to try to get a polysomnography test done. Have an appointment Monday. Kinda like a consulting thing, answer a bunch of questions, yadda yadda yadda. After that is over I am guessing I will be able to make the appointment for the actual test. I am hoping once I get the sleep thing under control it will be a little easier to deal with my other issues.

Please please try a few supplements before you go on a anti depressent if they prescribe) start taking 5htp about a hour before bed. Take a good multi vitamin if you don't eat true square meals. Even if you don't take a multi buy a liquid multi b supplament - you can order from gnc. Once in the morning and mid afternoon. Finally look for this stuff called Natural Calm by Peter Gillian. Take that at night too. Please try these things for a few weeks and see if they help you you be able to sleep better and deal with your SA better.

I am powerless. I can only even stand and watch when I want to join in, I even try to visualize myself joining in but I just can't.

I completely understand how you feel. I have known I have SA for over a decade now, but still feel powerless to fix it. Sometimes I can force myself to socialize and trick people into thinking I am comfortable, but it never translates into actually being comfortable with other people. You aren't alone.

Hey, your story sounds the exact same as mine. I hope to god I didn't come accross as that rude in Social Situations (SS) but I suppose I do. However since discovering the phenomenon of Social Anxiety Disorder, and before it, I have been improving, and I'll try and explain how and maybe you might benefit from some ideas, and if not well at least you'll have thought about them.<br />
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1.) If you know somebody who is close to you, who you can truly trust, then try and open up to them, try and get so that you are able to open up slightly about your thoughts. Hopefully they will care about you and be concerned. If you can disclose your thoughts to somebody who you truly trust, bit by bit they will be able to pick them apart and tell you whether these thoughts are valid. Becase the root problem of SAD is: Wrong Beliefs/Thoughts. There was a time when I would not appreciate this comment, but a point in my life arrived with just such a person who inadvertently helped me 100fold.<br />
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2.) If you are with other people, try and keep in mind that (and I only learned this from a book otherwise I'd be oblivious to this gem) : Assume a connection with other people. Try it one person at a time, maybe start with somebody you've maybe avoided but feel is a caring person. Assume a connection and they will enjoy that person better. If you assume a connection, assuming that they like you before you have proof, you will come accross as much nicer. In other words "fake it til you make it", even if you feel anxious, focus on what's happening with the other people, allow your mind to leave its own analysis and focus on other people, fake feeling okay with other people and really, most people (but not all) ARE nice people, and those who are not nice, are not worth knowing.<br />
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There is a lot more to SA and dealing with it than these 2 things above, and most importantly it takes time, it requires patience, sustained focus, and you must believe that you can overcome it; There is nothing wrong with you and you must now learn that.<br />
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I wish you luck, it's not always an easy road but when you start making progress, your life will change, bit by bit, very slowly and you might not recognise it but other people will and they'll like it. Take it from my experience, and I still have a long way to go, I still have just that one friend but I am feeling confident about continued improvements.<br />
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Believe me I used to "know" that I could not overcome whatever my problem was, I thought it was built into my brain. Well that was wrong.

Yes, I do. My mother had bipolar disorder so I'm very familiar with it. Just trying to help, man. Some people are open to it, some aren't. You'll have to find your way. Good luck.