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People Don't Like Me And I Just Recently Found Out Why.

Ever since I was small the only people I could make friends with were the other people that nobody else liked. I was constantly picked on and excluded from everything. Always the last person to be picked for a team in gym class, I didn't want to play anyway because I knew I would be last to be picked. I was never able to get a boyfriend from the same school I went to, they were always in another county. Any friends I did manage to make were also not from my school. I didn't find out that I had social anxiety disorder until I was about 35. But when I did, it explained every thing. While I was terrified to speak or move in front of other people they interpreted it as me being cold, selfish, disinterested, and rude. I still can't hardly make friends. I go to clubs and see people dancing and having fun and I want to too so much, but I just can't move. Once someone had bothered to make to effort to get to know me, in spite of my lack of ability to even move half the time, I can open up just fine and talk about just about anything and do silly, goofy stuff, and express my opinions. But until I believe that someone won't laugh at me, be mean to me, or make fun of me, I am convinced that they would have no interest in anything I might have to say which renders me unable to communicate because I don't want to annoy people with the burden of having to listen to me speak.
katnipkitkat katnipkitkat 41-45, F 41 Responses Dec 26, 2010

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It was the exact same way when I was a child. I was always picked last for teams, looking back I think my teacher got some sick pleasure out of seeing the class hierarchy develop itself. But I always thought the other students were stupid for not picking me because I was the best athlete in the class and everyone knew it. But maybe the kids didn't want to be rejected by picking the good kid that would beat their team. They'd rather lose than be rejected. I do remember while competing in track and field, someone on the sidelines asking another who they thought was going to win and the other said, 'Oh, Kate or Lisa '(my sister and I) And we always won. But that's just the way it was. We were good at high jump. However, we weren't track heroes. People just ignored us. My doctor once asked me if my father or grandparents ever came to see us in track and I couldn't say they ever did. We often had track meets in my grandparents town, and they were retired so they had time to come watch us, but they never did. I wonder if I tried so hard to be really good at track so that maybe one day they would come see me. They used to leave in the winter for Florida and we only saw them briefly and rarely during the summer so track and field may have, in our minds, been our chance to see them. That could be it.
One time in grade 3, I only got 3 valentines out of 30 kids in my class. And my sister got 1 and that was from the teacher. Maybe our loneliness was too much for other kids to bear. I don't know. We were also abused by our mother who suffered from bouts of psychosis so everything was our fault and naturally the rest of the family blamed us and still do. Although we were trying to be perfect we were never good enough. Thinking about it is very painful. But it still spills into adulthood . I never ask for money from anyone, but I put up Tilt campaign to help with expenses for a business trip I have coming up (I'm self employed) and not one person out of 252 friends has donated even 1 dollar. At first I thought maybe facebook had a glitch so i emailed a few people asking if they got it. No response, not even to acknowledge whether they got it or not. But then, I was talking with one person and she was the only one who posted about it and shared it, and she got the notification. I want to cancel the campaign because each day that goes by my embarrassment and hurt increases. And I am reminded as to why I am poor. People don't want to give me money or opportunity, although I would (and have) help others in a second! I then just realise that I will have to struggle through life on my own. I want to contribute. I want to add to the world but I feel so isolated. I doubt anyone would notice my works. I doubt anyone but my children would notice I was gone.

Yep, can definitely relate to that, your not alone. Always try and be friendly to people, just wish I knew where I was going wrong. I have social anxiety too.

I like you. ❤️

I like you. :)

memories come back but the hurt shouldn't. let yourself be that person who's one of the good kids that every decent person can be friends with. We may hate ourselves now, but dont hate because of someone's view of you. To be honest, the whole world cam just eat it! And ducking hell, if you are having a self reflection, it means ypu are capable of change and improvement. fight for beauty, fight for a good life, you just have to have a strategy. Even if it's manipulation, self-improvement, honesty, goodness, whatever. and kill all your heroes and all you demons. Do a reality check every now and then of what you want to become a reality. and dont forget to Keep Moving Forward. leave everyone behind.

Join the club. Everybody hates me and I don't know why. I believe I am marked for people to hate because I got this same exact problem. I still go to clubs and have a good time and dance my way and feel real good about myself. Being unloved is one thing I just accepted as a part of my life. My life is pretty sad because I can go hardly anywhere without nobody throwing wordz and acts at me to express their hatred for me. It's just something they can read on me or see in me that makes them act or jump out of character to throw a lightening bolt of hate towards me.

I'm 17 now but when I was 16 I went I through a really bad phase of social anxiety. My words wouldn't come out when I tired to speak, I was scared to talk to my teachers and I'd hate getting up in front of class to go and get something or put something in the bin. I was terrible at making conversation in person because I was too nervous. I used to be a wreck. Then when I had to enrol at college it all sort of disappeared. I mean I'm still nervous but nowhere near as bad. I'd force myself to dance at parties and I'd force myself to speak in front of others. It's all about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. If you manage to do that, you should make progress. Drop me a message if you ever need to talk! 💕

People like me cuz i'm confident and funny.. But i try to avoid them cuz i'm afraid that i'll get hurt if i got attached to them..
Cuz when i like someone i do my best to make him feel like a king..

I just got a notification for this?

I Like u. I don't think I've got an anxiety disorder but I can easily relate to what you're saying.

Thanks.

Well, this all sounds awfully familiar...I hope you're doing well these days.

I never thought I might have social anxiety till this year when my hands started to visibly shake when talking to people, and I started losing my breath. It was easy to blame the bullies, since that's what teachers and parents tell you to do. But I realized looking back this year, that the common denominator in all my years of school was me and not them.

To those saying that its not a real disorder, look up 'oxytocin deficiency'. Oxytocin is a hormone that your body is supposed to naturally produce, but if there isn't enough of it, it causes social anxiety among other things.

How did you cure it? I'm going to a doctor soon for it. I want to know what to expect.

I haven't cured it. I am just doing my best to avoid the situations in which it happens.

I understand.
my inner voice rationalizes it this way -
"it's not that i won't bother with you, it's just i don't wanna bother you"

wow you sound like me.. can't get friends or boyfriend.. i do say hello to people but they naver answer me or they tell me go to hell

I was able to get a little more attention once I learned how to make balloon animals. :P

Sounds familiar.

To the person below me- isn't 'normal' a setting on the washer? Heheh. Have an awesome day!! :-)

I am the exact same way. I skipped gym class because no one ever picked me. I never fit in with any groups except other people who were not in the "norm". I was terrified to speak up in class and when the teacher called on me I would go completely silent. All the other kids thought I was so strange, and I guess I am. But now I'm learning to embrace it. Who wants to be "normal" anyway. I don't want to conform and I never will.

You can always talk to me, I love to listen! *hug* Hope ya have a great day!

I am sorry to hear that your husband so unsupportive to your disorder. I hope that you can get into a support group and get the help you need. If you ever want to talk just write to me anytime.

Omg you have my life im like that I work in a small team of 20 people and only one talks to me I cant talk about football or rugby just motor sport. It's so hard to fit in

No offense but I don't think that is a real disease. Nobody in the world wants to be laughed at. We are all afraid of it. But that doesn't mean we are all sick. Some manage to deal with it better than others, thats it.

I think it is real. If you don't have it, then I don't think you can truly understand how that fear can paralyze someone. People with social anxiety disorder actually can't just make themselves do things anyway. They aren't capable of doing the things that you may see as kind of unpleasant. But you are entitled to your opinion.

I like you Katnip cuz ur so good looking, but i spoe i should ba<x>se my addmiration on ur great personality! ...tsk tsk, im such a sucker for cutie babes.

I don't know what your situation is, but if your husband is terrible to you, can't you divorce him? Are you tied to your marriage by family and/or religious obligations or sense of duty? My sister-in-law was never married but she cohabitated with a man for nearly 20 years. Always put her down and didn't let her have a life outside the home. The damage it did was incredible. Only now, years after leaving him, is she recovering mentally/emotionally from the constant put-downs. Social anxiety will always be there -- I suffer from it too -- but there's no need for it to be made far worse by living with someone whose only purpose in life, apparently, is to be a bully.

I can't leave just yet. I have my visa to worry about. I don't want to have to go back to the US and start all over from zero again.

you are to hard on yoursef

Sometimes if I try to make lists I can get all wrapped up in it and spend hours trying to make a simple little list.

I have tried. But I am not currently satisfied with the doctor I have been seeing since I moved. I did some reading on the internet and thought it would be a good idea to have a polysomnography test done. I took the test on Friday. I will hear the results on the 31st. I figure it would be helpful to try to determine if some, all, or none of my mental issues are a result of sleep problems. Right now I have decided to make fixing my sleep problem top priority. I am sick and tired of being sleepy all day long no matter how long I sleep at night!

Sorry to hear of your troubles. Have you tried meds? There are several on the market and it sounds like you need something that takes care of depression and the social disorder. I take meds, no way around it for me. As for your husband, try some couples therapy with role reversal. With your particular problems it is not helping you to hear from him how bad you are or any type of criticism. If you want to stay in this relationship its going to take some hard work from both of you. You should be with someone that understands you and loves you for you, not for who they want you to become and most of all you should be happy with your husband. I have been married 4 times, still in the 4th ...the first three were not good choices on my part and I wasted lots of time and energy trying to be happy with my bad choices.

I wish I could say my story sound like yours but I cant. I knew I had anxiety issues early . LIke 9<br />
BUt I pushed threw them . I would vomit before cheer, choir, or track. and make my self dance, I would smile until it looked goofy. I love being in my house to this day. I am so much more social in m own home (after i have meet you at least once) . The first time people meet me they think im kind of a *****. oh well. the friends I really need are the ones that come back. I get not being ok with people you dont know in your face. But you have to learn to push your self thru that wall. start small, the next time you in a store a someone makes a funny comment , laugh. then the next time after that say somehthing back. push

Thanks.

i have recently found a doctor i feel i can trust i have only been seeing her a few months and already she has helped me a lot more than any other doctor has in my life allthough i am very sorry you are feeling this way i am also glad you posted this i finally know i am not crazy or alone in the way i feel i wish you luck in finding the help you need and the right doctor

@katie0001 If you think you might have it then try to find a good doctor to help you with it. I am still trying to find a doctor I like since I moved almost 4 years ago.

omg i totally understand how you feel and can relate to every word i am so sorry you are feeling this i know what it is like i have been wondering for a long time what is wrong with me i have never heard of social anxiety disorder i have just googled it and think that is what is wrong with me i am sorry i cant make you feel better i really wish i could do you feel able to talk to your doctor about how you feel they may be able to help<br />
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take care hun hope you find a way to get through this

Every time I try to start to work up motivation to do even one small thing the husband starts telling me how horrible I am and all motivation just flies right out the window.

just try one small thing at a time.

I just don't have the energy to do anything anymore. The apartment smells funny, I can't remember the last time I touched the vacuum cleaner. I can just barely get up to go to work anymore. I really think my sleeping difficulties are totally catching up with me. So I decided to try to get a polysomnography test done. Have an appointment Monday. Kinda like a consulting thing, answer a bunch of questions, yadda yadda yadda. After that is over I am guessing I will be able to make the appointment for the actual test. I am hoping once I get the sleep thing under control it will be a little easier to deal with my other issues.

Please please try a few supplements before you go on a anti depressent if they prescribe) start taking 5htp about a hour before bed. Take a good multi vitamin if you don't eat true square meals. Even if you don't take a multi buy a liquid multi b supplament - you can order from gnc. Once in the morning and mid afternoon. Finally look for this stuff called Natural Calm by Peter Gillian. Take that at night too. Please try these things for a few weeks and see if they help you you be able to sleep better and deal with your SA better.

I am powerless. I can only even stand and watch when I want to join in, I even try to visualize myself joining in but I just can't.

I completely understand how you feel. I have known I have SA for over a decade now, but still feel powerless to fix it. Sometimes I can force myself to socialize and trick people into thinking I am comfortable, but it never translates into actually being comfortable with other people. You aren't alone.

Hey, your story sounds the exact same as mine. I hope to god I didn't come accross as that rude in Social Situations (SS) but I suppose I do. However since discovering the phenomenon of Social Anxiety Disorder, and before it, I have been improving, and I'll try and explain how and maybe you might benefit from some ideas, and if not well at least you'll have thought about them.<br />
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1.) If you know somebody who is close to you, who you can truly trust, then try and open up to them, try and get so that you are able to open up slightly about your thoughts. Hopefully they will care about you and be concerned. If you can disclose your thoughts to somebody who you truly trust, bit by bit they will be able to pick them apart and tell you whether these thoughts are valid. Becase the root problem of SAD is: Wrong Beliefs/Thoughts. There was a time when I would not appreciate this comment, but a point in my life arrived with just such a person who inadvertently helped me 100fold.<br />
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2.) If you are with other people, try and keep in mind that (and I only learned this from a book otherwise I'd be oblivious to this gem) : Assume a connection with other people. Try it one person at a time, maybe start with somebody you've maybe avoided but feel is a caring person. Assume a connection and they will enjoy that person better. If you assume a connection, assuming that they like you before you have proof, you will come accross as much nicer. In other words "fake it til you make it", even if you feel anxious, focus on what's happening with the other people, allow your mind to leave its own analysis and focus on other people, fake feeling okay with other people and really, most people (but not all) ARE nice people, and those who are not nice, are not worth knowing.<br />
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There is a lot more to SA and dealing with it than these 2 things above, and most importantly it takes time, it requires patience, sustained focus, and you must believe that you can overcome it; There is nothing wrong with you and you must now learn that.<br />
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I wish you luck, it's not always an easy road but when you start making progress, your life will change, bit by bit, very slowly and you might not recognise it but other people will and they'll like it. Take it from my experience, and I still have a long way to go, I still have just that one friend but I am feeling confident about continued improvements.<br />
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Believe me I used to "know" that I could not overcome whatever my problem was, I thought it was built into my brain. Well that was wrong.

Be your own best friend its the only real love, once you love and accept urself fully errything will fall into place. You dont need people you need yourself. And be yourself and live freely.. And speak openly when u feel to.

Yes, I do. My mother had bipolar disorder so I'm very familiar with it. Just trying to help, man. Some people are open to it, some aren't. You'll have to find your way. Good luck.

@ cappergirl Yeah and I suppose that will cure cancer too. Do you have any idea what the word disorder means?

The additude in THIS repy is why people may not like you. If you speak to people who are trying to be nice to you like this I can't imagine how you speak to others. You can't blame social anxiety for all your bad behavior. I so felt for you reading your story, until I read this response. I do believe you have problems but having anxiety and know many people with disorders, trust me you need to learn to think before you speak. Try to think about what you say and how it comes off. If you truly can't control it, you may want to be tested for Aspergers. Or you may have had a ****** example if humanity and are just kinda a jerk on top if being shy. Both are manageable in you want to change. Also you can get used to doing things alone and enjoying your own company. Try to say or do something nice to/ for someone that seems worse off than you, everyday. See how that goes.

The word disorder has a definition in the dictionary but I think it's false. To me it's means extraordinary, a person with abilities beyond the average.

I love this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Try to stop thinking about what other people think and do what makes you happy. When you begin to do what makes you happy, that will shine through and people will gravitate to you. You have to be true to yourself in this world. These might be big steps for you at first, but take it a little at a time and you will see.