Sooo i dont do drugs or anything anymore. It has been 32 days infact.
But  im off my meds now for being bi polar because i dont have a job
to pay for them.  My moods are starting to become all out of wack
because of this. Im reallly really struggling to stay sober.
Alot of people dont understand the concept of 
being an alcoholic addict, so please dont criticize this story if you dont.
I live with my parents still, only 18. Still in school.
I see a chemical dependency counselor 2 times a week usually. but the
appts are usually right after another in the week soo what the hell am
i supposed to do the rest of the week when i am about to relapse?
This Borderline Personality Disorder crap doesnt help either.
I want to Use some sort of drug sooo bad but i dont want to let
anyone down. Everyone is counting on me this time.
I been to treatment twice and im finally getting sober so there
really excited but its one of the hardest things i have ever done..
i keep having dreams of me relapsing. without evven knowing it.
and i wake up thankful i didnt. there is pills and airduster in my house
which neither are my drug of choice but if your an addict and you wanna
get that high you  usually arent picky, soooo i just dont wanna
lose it.   

tsafbrat tsafbrat
5 Responses Feb 5, 2011

Attend a 12step group like Narcotics annonomous and get support and understanding on a regular basis, cuz u cant beat addiction on your own.

i love AA meetings and NA but my parents wont take me.. i would really really love to go but they wont take me.

Do you attend any type of 12 step meetings? I found great tolerance, kindness and even unconditional love in the rooms as I worked my way through behaviors. I had to try a few different groups, all AA though, to find one with a personality that felt comfortable enough for me to keep coming back but in the end I'm grateful I put forth the effort. At the time it was tough in a way only they understood.

I wont do it michelle, its just extremely hard. <br />
i talk to my counselor tomorrow so ill talk to her about it but its rediculously hard!<br />
and i will get through it alice it just takes time thanks tho!

Don't do it...please ! Your money since you don't have a job right now would be better spent your counselor or someone from your group and talk about it...don't give into temptation it will only bring more problems !!