Blocking Arrows...My best friend is a woman with a big heart and truly cares for others and goes out of her way not to hurt or harm anyone. The problem is she has been surrounded with "Emotional Abusers" most of her life. I often hear her say, "why me?" when others take advantage of her. She sees herself as a victim and believes she must be doing something wrong to deserve unfair and mean treatment she receives.
I was talking to an old friend who I haven't seen for years and we have enjoyed getting to know each other once again. My friend is a kind person who has also has a big heart and he told me of instances where people have taken advantage of him, eventhough he has been very kind and has done them many favors. He feels as if he has a bullseye on his forehead and he is a target who somehow deserves bad treatment.
They ARE targets for these cruel people.
There was a time when I felt the same way and I wondered what I had done to have others treat me poorly when I always treated them well and often was very giving to them. "No good deed goes unpunished" was my motto. It was such a relief when I learned that it was not my fault. I learned that the people who treated me poorly are people who seek out nice people who do not understand that there are people who are just mean and self-centered and see kind people as weak. These unempathetic people find 'weakness' in others and use their weakness to control them. The result depends on whether the 'weak' person knows there are people who are users and takers and understands that the users and takers seek out people they can use and take advantage of their kindness. I did not change my giving nature and my kindness to others because of unempathetic people who use others. What I did change is if someone shows me who they are, I believe them. No more second, third, fourth, or fifth chances. I also acknowledged I was not taking care of myself by allowing my boundaries to be walked on. elieving as I did at onetime, that I had done something to somehow make people treat me badly is truly unrealistic. I nor anyone else has that much power to control other's behavior unless you allow it. And the friends I mentioned above do just that. You teach people how to treat you. You alone give these takers and users permission. Do I scold my friends or look down on them because they allow poor treatment? Absolutely not. I have empathy for them and try to give them healthy suggestions. I remind them that they are good, kind people who do not deserve this treatment from bullies and users. What I have learned is this is something my friends have to learn on their own as I did. Any change takes work, and blaming or holding on to your past doesn't give you anything useful to excuse your actions or inactions today. Checking your self inventory and taking responsibility for your part in not treating yourself well is hard for many of us to do. The best way to help my friends is to be a good example, and setting boundaries with people who try to side step them. I love to help others and I do my best to not hurt people and if I unknowingly do so; I apoligize immediately. I also try to keep my side of the street clean. This is my motto, and at this time I am doing the best I can do for myself and my friends.
Helper96 46-50, F 1 Oct 28, 2012