Nobody Is Listening

Until recently, I believed in a higher power, an all knowing supernatural being. But I cannot ignore the fact that not one single prayer of mine has ever been answered.
I used to pray to God for guidance, for help with financial issues, for just one friend to come into my life. 3 years ago, when things were going really bad, I reaffirmed my faith in God and became a born again Christian. I went through the whole ceremony and I opened myself up to Him. I did everything I was supposed to do. Know what happened? Nothing! I lost my job, my marriage fell apart, I went into financial ruin, and I don't have a single friend. Is this how God treats his flock? The mental image that comes to mind is God leading the wolves to the sheep!!!! I hear people saying their prayers are answered all the time, so why are none of mine? Was I, as one preacher put it, cursed at birth and therefore an abomination before God?

Please.... gimme a frickin break! Prayers may seem to work for some, but after 30 some years of believing in God, and never, ever having any response to mine, I think they are a waste of time. Here's the irony of it all... before I became "born again" I had always believed in a higher power. After becoming a Christian, I slowly lost my faith and now I don't believe there is even a God up there. If there is, He sure has a sick sense of humor.
Dragonhermit Dragonhermit
41-45, M
18 Responses Jul 25, 2010

What is happening here is you were praying to a false god, who if he had even existed, is more of a tyrant demanding worship and threatening people who don't worship with Hell. <br />
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I have a theory that there are multiple gods that keep hidden so we can't know of their existence. I think they have personalities that vary, much like they do for people. Now lots of people who have a religion or have had a religion prayed and the true gods heard the prayers, but didn't care if they were directed to them or not. I think what happens is it's all a matter of chance. Some people say a prayer and a kind and loving god hears it and then answers it. Some people say a prayer and an uncaring god or an evil god hears the prayer and then completely ignores it or laughs at the human's suffering. Since I can't prove this, then it will always be a theory, but it seems possible to me.<br />
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In your case, I would say that what happened is the first prayer you ever prayed was heard by an evil god and maybe for some reason this evil god decided to have some fun with you and called his evil god buddies to come and make sure your prayers were never heard by the nice gods.

Dragonhermit,<br />
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I can understand completely what you are going through. I do not pray to Jesus/God cause it never gets answered at all. My Christian lifestyle was changed in 2004 when my mother passed away. I prayed and prayed every day for God to make her well and to not take her away from me. He never did and when she passed away a little piece of me went with her & that's when my faith did as well. I don't understand why so many people want to pray to a being that doesn't listen to anything that is said. And I am surrounded by family that is major Christians. They are always telling me to pray and give it all to Jesus. And when anything good that happens in my life they praise God/Jesus for doing it. Not what I actually accomplished. I have an Aunt that is an actual nut case that prays over a 100 times a day and not one single pray has came true for her. She is really bad and makes me feel so sorry for her. It is no life to live, why believe in a God that is so hateful anyway? I have found my own path and I am very happy about and more at peace than being Christian. I feel the same way that a lot of people have been brainwashed from birth to believe that God is going to take care of every thing as long as you keep the faith. Which is not true! You have to take care of yourself, make yourself happy. Why live for a God that is clearly not going to help you with anything. You are not alone at all Dragonhermit. I would be happy to talk with you and be your friend. Even though it's thru a computer screen. I do hope things get better for you. I know it is hard, I'm right there along with you.

Thanks. Sorry for the delayed response. I've been in and out of the hospital over the last month. I would be my pleasure to continue this discussion with you. I still have so many things I'm trying to work out, and any and all view points are welcome! :)

Though it's been almost a year since I wrote this words, and many many months since I was even on EP, I read back through them, and realize just how little has changed. If anything, life has gotten more demoralizing and pointless. Since this post was first put up, I tried so many things to "find my path". I even joined an atheist group because they were the only ones who welcomed me, accepted me, and seemed to have the answers I sought. But I have since realized that although a few of them were great people who I would have gladly befriended (hard to be friends with someone you've never met in real life, and never will), most were narcissistic.<br />
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Needless to say, I really just joined that group because I was lost and hurt. When I logged in today for the first time in months, one of the first things I did was remove myself from their group, as it doesn't hold with what I have experienced. <br />
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That being said, nothing has changed for the better. I'm still out of work, living with my father, and friendless. And despite everything that I've been through, the loneliness, the physical pain every day, I would send a small prayer to God:<br />
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"God? I realize that you don't give a damn about me, and I don't think you are even there, but I desperately need something positive to happen in my life. I'm tired of waking up and dreading the day to come. I'm tired of not being able to find work, I'm tired of not having companionship, of not being able to trust anyone, getting hurt by everyone. I'm tired of the pain caused from my bad teeth. Isn't 15 years long enough? I'm so very tired of it all. I have no hope, and my faith in you evaporated long ago. If you're listening, please, I just want something to go right for once, I need a sign to restore my faith, to give me hope."<br />
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I honestly don't know why I bother though, perhaps because my belief was ingrained into me from birth. But what does any of it matter? I can't bring myself to worship and devote my life to a God who doesn't answer, nor belong to a religion in which even the followers disagree on the meaning of their sacred text. One thing I do know: I can't go on like this. This is not living... I feel so dead inside.

Thank you for your insight into my mess of an observation. LOL. It's always helpful to get a different view point and I appreciate yours. Careful what you offer though, as I will no doubt take you up on your offer of conversation. :)

Dragon, God does " give a damn" about you. In order to know Jesus and grow in a relationship with him, you must endure the good with the bad, just as Jesus did.

While I appreciate your response, it comes too late as I haven't bought into that mumbo jumbo in several years. "Endure the good with the bad". Okay, so where is the good? I've endure the bad plenty. Made up entities don't give a damn because they don't exist. Nobody alive today can possibly know Jesus, as he was just a man who died 2000 years before any of us were born.

Don't have faith in "God". Do however have faith in yourself. When I realized that "putting it all in God's hands" was an exercise in futility I was able to take control of my own life. Only after that did I truly feel alive. <br />
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Once you start praying, you stop doing. Faith is nothing without action.<br />
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Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to pray for a fish and he'll starve.

I think you're right. I too got so sick of people telling me that things would change, things would get better if I just kept my faith. They never did get better. I quit believing, and decided that there is no higher power that's going to do a damn thing for me, so why should I keep faith?

It seems that we have reached similar conclusions. I used to be "christian" and prayed a lot and guess what happened. Bad crap. Bad marriage, bad life, far away from everything I've loved and those who love me, lost my job, got kicked while down - so many times. And people tell me "Keep the Faith." "Stay positive." I just want to spit when they say that. I think they might be on anti-depressants. That has to be the reason they are giving me this awfully maddening simple advice.

Ah... many Kudo's to the recently departed comic genius. :)

I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well. -- George Carlin

He didnt even answer 'no' to me, thats how f.cking much he cares, just ignored... discard your christian identity, because let me tell you something the churches dont, there are others out there, gods, paths, people, go search yourself and the world for your 'way', thats a taoist belief for example, none of this bow down to me or suffer! Bullshit

ok, so I pray before typing a reply to your letter....I say "Dear Creator, please help me say the thing that will help this man", so i get done typing what I think is a masterpiece of supportive spirituality, and i moved one little finger........and poof......gone. hmmm, I was shocked at first, that just couldn't be......yep it was. <br />
So what I am going to say is that .......I feel your standing on the edge of understanding. i think It's hard to have a personal relationship with God based on someone else's interpretation of who God is. Parents, clergy doesn't matter. Question everything and then be open for the answer , even if it doesn't show up exactly as you asked. Pay close attention to what your thinking. prayer to me is focused thought based on the best of intentions........with that said I will pray for you. There is a balance in the Universe and your very needed . :) Namaste' friend

If there is a lesson to be learned here, and assuming that God is real, then the lesson would be that I'm worth nothing to anybody.

As for the story of Job, it is easy to see why he remained faithful to God. Because God gave Job EVERYTHING he desired BEFORE taking it all away, giving Job a reason to believe in the power of God. If God had done that with more people, actually showed us that he was there, then we might have retained our faith.

Wow... I never realized how many people out there are completely brainwashed. Listen to yourselves, People! If someone you loved and trusted kept beating you up, lying to you, breaking treasured possessions, crapping in your food, are you telling me that you would love them, even as they choke you to death screaming "I hate you!!"??? This is what everything you are tellin me amounts to. And to suggest that I've not been patient with God is absolutely moronic. I have done everything that you guys describe, yet nothing happens. Searching for answers here was a mistake, since most Christians are brainwashed into the slave mentality, meaning you like being treated like crap, and being thankful that your master gave you any attention at all... This is why I stopped believing. And to fool yourself into thinking that God is only good is ludacris. Who creates famine and drought, disease, floods? Christians believe that God created everything. If so, then God created Satan, who is bad. Perhaps if you guys actually looked at your religion, you'd see that it is full of contradictions.

As think we as Humans want the rite now factor, just pray n and not trust n, hope n and not beleive n is not open n urself up to him. Now I don't claim to know all the answers nor do i know ur full circumstances, but what I do know is that all things happen for a reason and everything you go thru is for a reason, i know that he allows us to go thru things to c if we will lean completely on him ans trust only on him. U lost all these thing how did u handle it did u complain or go against God or did u praise him in spite of. we tend to say God why did u let me lose my job, my marriage are u asking what part did u play in the despair of ur life? God just wants the opportunity to to give u all that he promised but he can only do so when u trust fully in him. I can assure u that it is never his goal to c u or anyone one suffer. Trust that and know that inspite of everthing that God has ur best intrest at heart and that what the devil meant for good that only he can turn around and make it good. I am here to encourage you to stay strong and listen to his word, u will find that he has been with u all the time. I love u if know one has told u today I lve u for the Jesus in u.

There is no 'bad.' I actually learned one of the most valuable lessons of my life on this post right NOW. The person who replied to you made me aware of the things we consider to be the most painful, are actually experiences we intrinsically crave. Nothing's 'bad', since God is all good, He can't create anything bad. What we call 'evil' are the never-ending mindgames we play on ourselves, our spiral -spiritual soap operas continually enacted to realize who we are. We are the children of God, eternally and joyously experiencing that reality. If we could remember that, we would relax and enjoy the ride. God is Good.

So being threatened with suicide and being molested by my mother wasn't bad? It made me want to cut off my penis, kill everyone around me and then jump off a cliff into the sea. I didn't ask for that ****, i didn't crave it I moved out of the house when I was 15 and I haven't talked to her since. I only have occasional nightmares.

I understand what you are saying, but if the problems we face in everyday life are meet and faced by us as individuals, and in some cases overcome, how then can we attribute to God what we have done? Following that line of reasoning, wouldn't it then be God who makes all the bad things happend to us, since he supposedly controls everything? I have done quite a bit of informal researching and it seems that these so called "miracles" happend to bad people just as often as good. People who never believed in God, who are treat others harshly, who break all the 10 commandments, seem to be rewarded with blessings just as often as those who firmly adhere to the teachings in the Bible. "Ask and ye shall recieve" has been a quote that has come to haunt my every moment, as it is simply not true.<br />
Also, if God's ways are not our ways, then how is it even possible to relate to God? That's like asking your dog to go to the store and pick up a newspaper for you, then getting mad cause the dog didn't understand.<br />
Consider this image. Lets say you have several anthills in or around your home. Do you care about the individual ants? No. That's what it feels like to me, like I'm just a single ant and as one comic put it, "God is just a big kid with a magnifying glass, burning all the ants"<br />
Congratulations for those of you who do have prayers answered, but I'm tired of being left out in the cold, tired of never being guidded, tired of being mislead by those who represent Him.<br />
My experience shows that God cannot make the impossible, possible. One of my biggest prayers has been for God to bring me a true friend, because I'm so lonely. Not once in my 34 years has He ever done so. Sure I've had aquaintances, but nobody that was a true friend. What does isolation accomplish? <br />
There are no life lessons that can be resolved by others making you feel like you are "less than", and God seems to be the biggest purveyer of injustice. I've been told that God doesn't cause all the harm in the world today, but inaction is just as wrong as commiting crimes. If you saw someone being murdered, and did nothing to stop it, you would be just as guilty because you ALLOWED it to happen.<br />
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I'm reached the end of my rope, and have been hanging there for some years now. I just cannot go on thinking that this is all there is to life. If God helps others, great, I'm happy for them. But some of us are forgotten, and condemned because we are tired of being kicked while we're down, tired of being lied to. I don't want to just exsist and survive, I want to LIVE life, and I find that I cannot do that thru prayer.

I feel your letter ......have turned and asked "God" wtf many times. <br />
About 5 years ago, I was heavy into praying for patience,I wanted to attain patience. I remember one day driving to the grocery store and it was freaking packed, parking spaces at a premium , i felt myself getting frustrated, as someone else would hurry up and grab a spot i was headed for, well this happened like 4 times before I finally got it......when we pray for something , like patience , it is my feeling that in our existence we are given the opportunities to display what we asked for. I prayed for patience , and I was given ample opportunity to display patience. needless to say I learned to apply that lesson to all of my prayers. I thought I lacked patience but ,like God ,it was hidden inside me all the time , just waiting for the opportunity to come forward. If I hadn't experienced the contrast I might have missed the lesson altogether. <br />
this may sound trivial compared to financial and marriage ruined but I have walked down all of those paths in the last 8 years also and really, it's not so much about what you go through, it is the attitude and mindset with which you go through it. <br />
relationship breakup was devastating but allowed me to get closer to unconditional love. financial ruined forced me to examine what it is I really valued. In every seemingly oppressive circumstance was a blessing rolled up. I really do feel you, it was hard, but now I am thankful for every bit of it. <br />
What disturbs me most about your letter is this statement "Was I, as one preacher put it, cursed at birth and therefore an abomination before God?" I am assuming that this is a ordained minister and has ample opportunity to spread this type of misinformation to others. sad. <br />
Perhaps you can't see it now, but when you are past this portion of your path, and can look back ..get a larger perspective, you will see that "God" was and is with you every step of the way. <br />
Namaste" friend.

Much depends on your persception of God. If you believe in a higher power, does it have to have human traits? Perhaps not? Peace....Namaste