Register

I Think Solitude, Freedom And Isolation Are Related

And Are They Also Related To Selfishness?

By: thinkandfeel
Written on December 17th, 2009

I like the freedom that comes from the solitude and isolation. Part of it is also independence. I never bother people with my issues, unless there is some concrete action they can take, which would help me.

However I usually forget the other side: people might want to "bother" me with their issues and might need my support. As I manage well my life by myself, I end up expecting other people to do so as well. Pretty selfish, huh?

I guess independence made me the center of my own world for too long.

Yesterday my sister threw at my face that I am very selfish. She has been struggling with something for months and I didn't notice, partially because I would handle it differently. Now I am trying to talk to her and help, but maybe it is too late, maybe I am just worsening the situation.

In any case, I am feeling pretty guilty right now. It is an awful feeling. I feel ashamed for every good moment I have while my sister is struggling.

By: thinkandfeel
Age: 36-40 , Female
417 people have read this story

Your Response

Please respond with authenticity, support, and respect
By clicking "Post", you confirm that you agree to the Terms of Service of Experience Project, Inc.
4 responses
  • ijensen
    ijensen

    I'm the rough equivalent, though younger and have yet to collide face-first with the downside. I suppose it's something one has to experience to find the necessary motivation to change it.



    However, I will say that preferring independence and autonomy is in no way excluding the possibility of being there for other people when they need you. For me at least, I find it very hard to pick up on things that are bothering friends or family unless they come out and bring it to my attention. I can emphasize with them and sometimes help them, but if they don't mention it or seek out my help / shoulder / ear / etc..., it's unlikely that they'll get it. I don't know if you're the same way, but I've never understood it to be a selfish tendency.



    I come from a family with a genetic disposition towards constant, never-ending, borderline absurd drama. I've learned that the best way to deal with it is to lock the door and put on some headphones, or leave the house and wander through some abandoned stretch of land. That response is what has evolved into my personal bent towards autonomy and isolation now, in adulthood. The alternative would have been to embrace reality-TV-esque social behavior (or so I'm told by 'objective observers' - I don't watch TV and haven't for some 10 years). Knowing how I got to be how I am, I can't see it as that bad of a thing.

    Dec 6, 2011
    1 like
  • thinkandfeel
    thinkandfeel

    you are right, she should have said openly what was bugging her. but family always has this ability to shake you up. besides knowing she is suffering breaks my heart. thank you for your comment.

    Dec 17, 2009
    1 like
  • fukkboii
    fukkboii

    stop that! misery loves company! she should have been an adult and spoke up instead of playing a private game of charades... my sister does the same but we are both grown. it's hard enough to manage me. i don't have time to monitor someone else. be there for her... if ur both down u can't help lift her spirits now can u? don't let anyone steal ur joy. take care of u.

    Dec 17, 2009
    1 like
  • tulick
    tulick

    not selfishness self preservation

    Dec 17, 2009
    1 like