Probably Me

I know all I can do is my best, but sometimes I wonder if I was ever meant to be a mom.  I really suck at it.

Me hopes he makes his way in the world, my little man who struggles to fit in. 

~ I love you Buddy ~


DrewBerry DrewBerry
46-50, F
34 Responses Mar 12, 2009

I read the first two pages of this and can see you obviously love your child... and have made some fantastic decisions!... your doing great in my eyes and wish you well! :)<br />
my sister is autistic and its very hard to actually get through to them... you have to drill things into them, so I know where you are coming from.<br />
I think most parents wonder if they are making the right decisions for their children and it cant be daunting knowing that your decisions have a knock on effect with them... But as long as you love the child you will do your very best. Xx Hugs xX

Not insensitive at all AP.... I often feel sad when I see so called 'normal' parents with their so called 'normal' children. <br />
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I makes me very sad to see parents actually 'enjoy' their children as opposed to being in constant battle... <br />
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Insensitive no ! Relish in them. I will enjoy the experience through your eyes... although it be a bittersweet experience.<br />
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You're so sweet to even think about it from that perspective.... such a good man (shush - I won't tell anyone).

Thanks again legalities... I sure hope so........

What is more amazing is, after all the years of hard work hoping for the best, seeing your child grow up into an amazing adult , seeing the progress and all the wonderful interaction with your child in the process you will be able to see all you did in him. It can be a blessing.We weren't sure where things would lead with this child but he has done amazing things and we are so proud. It was all worth it. Hang in there and remember that even when there are difficult days there are always better days down the road.

Thank You legalities. You obviously care a lot about your child/ren as I know most mothers do. It's hard no matter how good the situation.<br />
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Thanks so much for your read and comments. Your encouragement means a lot.

My youngest is dyslexic and we had many years of dealing with all the symptoms while trying hard to keep it from his teachers so it could not be used against him nor could he use it as a crutch. To top it off he was hyper and slurred his speech for a long time, had difficulty reading and fitting in socially, and reversed most of his letters and numbers. It took many hours and many years working with him at home to "teach" him to the best of our ability how to "fit in" with his differences. Thankfully he was able to learn and adjust and only one teacher mistreated him which was in 2nd grade, while he was making straight A's in her class. It was hard work but meeting things head on and perserverance are the key to any progress. Clearly you are doing just that and deserve the credit. No doubt your youngster will blossom in your care.

Awww.. That's such good encouragement LHTS - thank you so much... <br />
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I am glad not to be in this place every day. It's as good as it's ever been and we will continue to grow in this journey.... it's about all any of us can hope for.<br />
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Thanks everyone for the encouragement!

You're doing a great job no doubt TDK.... I wish I had that 'normal' way of guaging things... <br />
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One of these days, the boy will find a friend... I believe.. I believe...

Yeah, I've met one or two incredible single moms in the same situatioin w/o parternal support... OMG... I'd be the one in residental treatment.. hook up the electrodes to my brain waves and iv in that haldol...

One statistic rang loudly in our lives... 80% DIVORCE Rate of parents...

ty SCW... its easy to act altruistic, but in actuality (before the residential program) - it was mostly like drowing.... war. <br />
It continually improves with treatment, and maturity... just in time for puberty... woo hoo..<br />
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Thanks for the encouragement.

Great advice Babshill - I think I'm actually doing every single thing you suggest, and then some... and for the most part life is pretty freakin' awesome... I have to say, gonna shine in 2009... it's all gonna be okay... yes it is.. indeedy. um huh. allright. YEAH.<br />
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Thanks CM... I think I'm doing all that... I get more out of talking with other parents in the waiting room while our kids are in 'group' than I do paying $225 / hour to the PRO... Therapists are just well paid friends I feel sometimes. And sometimes the greatest relief is gained through tearful shoulders and an empathatic ear.<BR><BR>Coffee with my Mate.. ha ha

Oh and before anyone else decides to suggest I Get Help... i am... really <BR><BR>but ATM I just don't think I can listen to another therapist telling me to do things FOR ME.. I am.. I AM... anything more for ME and I'll have to run off to Australia. I SUCK AT THIS REMEMBER!

Amen to all that friends. I just apprecaite the love, support and of course the CANDY...

Just know WE LOVE YOU! {{{{{{{HUGS & KISSES}}}}}}} Here's some candy! I'm sharing today!

oh zeggle hun.... there is NO PREPARATION for parenting a special needs kid and frankly NO ONE who doesn't live in the trenches with it has a clue what it's like to do all the right things and still nothing works...<BR>We had 4 months residential psyc treatment last fall which has not only made my time with him enjoyable for the first time ever, it actually saved his life... we were going down the road to suicide or homocide (god knows what).<BR>I don't want to stay on this subject much longer.... EP IS MY SANCTUARY FROM REALITY.<BR>I'm off to talk about the wonderful pleasures of MOVIE THEATER CANDY.<BR><BR>~ PEACE OUT DOG ~

Everyone keeps telling me that... I don't feel special, just battle fatiqued much of the time..... though it really is much better than it used to be... <br />
TODAY - is a good day. I take them whenever I can get them...

I like what MissYoo said. Raising kids with special needs takes a very special parent.

Thanks salar1 -- we parents will make it as well as our kids. no one said it would be easy and i'm definitely a more patient and compassionate person from this experience... everything has purpose

Heh Drew..... I am a parent of two boys 19 and 14 I have told on many an occaision over the years that this is my first shot at this thing ...... Parenthood is a blessing for which there is no formal eduction , so you just hang their girl, the rewards far out way the losses......<br />
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Oh and by the way still learning :O)

~ GROUP HUG ~<br />
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I love you all so much!

You are doing it,where most would have given up, its ok, you are human too, the child will understand it better, *salutes*

Worrying about being a good parent is usually the sign of a good parent. You'll make it and so will he. My one son is mildly Learning Disabled -nothing serious but bad enough that he has been a challenge for sure- yet he survives and even flourishes and is (one of) my pride and joy. You'll see, it'll happen. Good luck.

Oh, honey, I KNOW you are doing your best, and that is all any of us can ever do. Please forgive yourself the occasional human reaction and take some comfort in knowing that your son feels your love.

Yes - the short bus will be a salvation for him. It is the best, I know... but the fact that that is what he really needs is hard for a hopeful mother to accept. <br />
Thanks Myo, IVFP and Bassey - your encouragement and well wishes mean more than you know.<br />
~ bless ~

Every parent at some point wonders if they have what it takes. Hang in there. You best will be more than good enough.<br />

That short bus may be a salvation compared to what a long bus full of bullies could do to him. You're doing the best you can with what you've got. Motherhood is hard even when everything is "perfect". If you had a video rolling the whole time you're with him, you could see all the things you do right. As moms, we tend to zero in on all we think we're doing wrong. Be gentle with yourself.

OMG nrcsguy... 'How is he like' other kids would be a shorter list. Lots of anger and frustration. Lack of social skills. I signed the papers this week for him to go to a 'special school' for Fragile kids.... Yes, he is FRAGILE; that's an understatement. <BR>My kid will officially ride the short bus... This has been a hard week.<br />
I am thankful for your healthy and happy little girl. Cherish her.

I'm the dad of a healthy girl, who thankfully didn't get my genes of allergies. But she did get my nose for a great sense of smell. So with that, i haven't really met a lot of kids with autism. I have no clue what behaviors to look for when i take my kid out to the play ground. How is your kid different from any other?

Thanks for the encouragement jojo and flour... truely. just needed to vent today. i feel better now.

he is autistic.. it's just so hard to be super mom all the time. which even isn't all the time since the divorce.. good grief.. i feel like such a ***** when i hear my tone with him sometimes; during those damn meltdowns that seem to come breath by breath.<BR>argh.. this too shall pass.. it actually already has.<BR>~ whew ~

imsure you are doing ok--- i had 4 kids and i sometimes wonder too. well i only have 2 at home now!

I'm sure you're doing a great job, Drew. We all feel so overwhelmed with everything sometimes, it's hard to remember how wonderful it is to have the opportunity to nurture the human life of someone who depends on us so.<br />
All you can do is the best you can with what you have and go on loving your little man with all of your heart.