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Pursuing Married Men

DISCLAIMER: Harsh words ahead. Click BACK if you are of faint heart.

I'm talking about the ones soberly and willfully get themselves involved with married men. Knowing what it is like. Yeah, I meant those of you who think that married men are attractive and fair game.

I know I can't tell this story without being judgmental but what can I do?

I can understand it when you didn't know the guy was married because I am not without sympathy and hey, I have been in a situation where I found myself attracted to a married man, too.

I am talking about those women who still put married men under the list of men they think are OK to flirt with and later pursue.

I used to think that women like these were one in thousands - imagine my disgust when I found them nearby. A lot of them too.

It's plain and simple - pursuing and engaging in an affair with married men is looking for trouble. Don't give me that crap about using him or worse, that he's going to leave her. You know what's going to happen. You're going to fall in love and then have your heart broken.

I am single and would like to be in a relationship as much as the next person but there are plenty of good single guys out there, why look at someone else's husband?

What I can't stand is the heartlessness of these women when they talk about the guy as if his wife doesn't matter, doesn't exist... and then they went on to tell me that they were afraid of commitment because what if their future husband cheated on them?

Well d'oh. With you guys around what do you expect?

As I said, I once found myself attracted to a married man too. But my initial attraction faded as soon as I found out he was married. We are friends and that's that.

You have a choice, you just choose to deliberately pursue a man, disregarding the fact that there is a wife (and probably kids) and then you tell me you know it's not something you're supposed to do but he was oh so charming and mysterious and it is something you couldn't control.

And you ask me why I call you stupid?

june1999 june1999 31-35, F 26 Responses Jul 5, 2009

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I do agree with this post. I personally think that any woman that gets involved with a married man should have their head examined. It's nothing but a heartbreak for the woman, sitting home alone wishing she could either be with this person. The man is to blame much of the time because they manipulate the woman and make them feel as if this is a relationship and it is not. Often times they do lie and trick the woman as well. Just look at the red flags and consider what is in store for you if you know a man if married. Also, do a background check on a guy if you meet them and really like them to see if they are married or not.

personally, i feel the men are more to blame than the women. don't get me wrong, the women are selfish *******, but if HE'S the one who is married it is HIS responsibility to stay faithful. she may be a home wrecker, but he is a cheat, a liar AND a home wrecker.
if anyone's to blame, it's him - i don't know why it's always the women in these cases who are more harshly judged!

I saw nothing harsh about your post - the disclaimer wasn't necessary. I kind of see your point, but it's been my experience and observation that married men usually do the actual "pursuing". If a man lies about his status, that's one thing but it will eventually come out. Married men are usually just after something extra on the side or an ego boost. Lots of times a woman will chat and complement a co-worker or go out to kunch, and the guy interprets it as something else. If he is really being flirted with or pursued, he should know how to handle it , , ,"No thanks, I'm married."



Curious as to what's really going on - is someone after your husband? Are you sure HE's innocent? A marriage cannot be broken up unless it's 'breakable'.

I agree with Shinigami69. At least some people still have morals.

I agree so much!

Wow! nicely said. and i just want to say that i completely and totally agree with you.



some girls are just not thinking about the logical consequences.

cheekslive, thank you for dropping by. You don't want me to start on the men, really. LOL.



I blame them just as much but the point of this story is women who think it's fair game to actively go after married men. It's something that bothers me in live off EP and I thought I'd share it here.



You know when you are attracted to someone, you get doubts oh, he's younger than me or oh, he's older by quite a lot or he lives too far away. But these women, they not only don't hesitate at all at the fact that their love interest is married, they actually prefer them to be married.

We are living in a society of double standards when it comes to married men and women, and no matter what happens involving a married man, the women will inevitably get the blame, this needs to stop. I am a married woman and have recently been persued by an extremely handsom man, I simply told him in no uncertain terms that I am happily married, simple! that is all a married man has to do, its easy if you are not selfish and lazy. I have an extremely high sex drive more than some men, so there is absolutely no excuse for men. I have no blame whatsoever for our own sex when it comes to this situation as I feel men should be strong enough to say no, men get away with far too much and women such as us need to come together and start to realise this without being sexist and unfair to members or our own sex.

People who find cheating not a big problem should look around at the number of people here hurt by it, and try telling them all that it's not a big problem - after all there can't be too many people hurt by it if it's not a big problem, can there? Or can there?! Sorry. This just gets to me. Thanks again, June1999 and everyone else in agreement.

You nailed it twice, JMO. Considering cheating an option and thinking it acceptable because it is a personal choice.



It is not an option. You once vowed to love and cherish all your life, the least you can do is end it first, cancel the vow - even if it sounds ridiculous as I typed it now.



Sure it's a personal choice but in marriage, you're tied to the other person. Whatever personal choice you make will involve your partner. Scary as it may sound, you have actually given up your personal choice when you said I do. So then, we're back to at least end your marriage first so you can have your precious personal choice again.



This idea of putting yourself and your happiness first is great to a degree and I fully agree with it but not when you achieve it by trampling all over other people's happiness.

Well people sometimes think they can do whatever pleases them and it should be considered acceptable by others no-matter what, because it's their personal choice. Yes, it's their personal choice, but others don't have to find their choices acceptable!

I don't normally go out and butt heads with people but yeah, this is something I can't sit still and simply watch.



It is something I oppose actively and I even enjoy a little immature pleasure at having people like you in my camp, so to speak! :)

I'm glad you said this june1999. I think there's a load of crap said on EP about cheating somehow being acceptable, e.g. in such and such circumstance etc. Amazes me how selfish people are who consider cheating as an option. I'd never want to relate to any of them. I think they'll end up cheating themselves and being cheated on repeatedly. Maybe some time they'll start finding it an unacceptable concept. Then again, who knows. Each to their own I guess.

Thanks, Blue.. I really admire people who, when they have troubles in their marriage, still try to work it out or if they choose to leave, they end it as well as they can before thinking about starting another relationship.



Of course not everybody can do that as there are a lot of emotions involved and strong ones, too at that.

I would tend to agree with you. It is the cheating thing that gets me. Be it the man or the woman doing the cheating, it is wrong.

I know life is sometimes lonesome and sometimes we feel neglected/taken for granted/unappreciated but to cheat on the one we have taken vowels with to love honor and cherish is just wrong.

To break anyones heart that loves us is sad.

Cheating on anyone married or not will break someones heart that cares for us. This is true I would think 90% of the time. There are those instances where all love is gone on both sides and neither cares what the other does.

After that point I think it is something other than cheating. It becomes more like a desire for some type of passion that they would otherwise never get.



But knowingly getting involved with a married person is wrong anyway you look at it. it is simply wrong.

June1999 - I agree with you. My ex had an affair with his girlfriend, then married her, and since then has had a few more affairs... She even complained about him at my son's wedding (albeit after too many drinks!). He was terribly embarrassed. Thank God it was after my son and his wife had left.



I had a great time! LOL...



And for every woman who thinks that the wife at home is a horrible shrew... newsflash - YOU ARE THE SHREW! Decent woman don't go after or make themselves available to married men.

I ENTIRELY AGREE WITH YOU!!SO SO TRUE!!

I don't agree with adultery for any reason, either. For better or for worse right? Each party is equally guilty, if you ask me. That's just my opinion but the world is not always such a simple place.



You should realize that when you make generalizations and try to put people into "neat" little categories, that someone is going to get offended. That's when all the weirdo's come out to defend their unlikely, jacked-up, complicated, life-situations.



Just because someone out there has what they think is a good excuse to act inappropriately, that doesn't make it right, now does it?



I once worked at a place where it seemed like everyone was sleeping with everyone. It didn't matter if they were married, had families, or anything. A couple of people even got caught "doing it" at work. I heard every excuse in the book; none of them made it right.

I don't either, FG... It's just that those women, the ones that I know at least, admit as much that they believe in marriage and are scared that they might end up marrying someone who might cheated on them.



How's that for amazement?

Wow June I almost don't know what to say on this post. I really don't judge the decisions of other women. If they want to be in a relationship with a married man, as long as he is not my man (and he won't be for long if he is doing that) I can't tell her/him what to do. However I recently read somewhere in one of my magazines that is estimated that approximately 60% of all men cheat on their wives. 80% of them get caught cheating, and about 65% of all men that cheat remain with their wives. Of the ones that leave their wives it was estimated that only 6% actually marry the women they cheated with while the rest either stayed single or moved on to new relationships beyond their mistress. It would depend on what the other woman was looking for in the relationship whether these odds are good or bad for her.

I love your statistics..having been cheated on, i am very sensitive to the issue..all i can say is if he cheats on me, he will cheat on her and guess what? My ex cheated on her too. Just desserts

Don't worry AD, I am worried about not writing to the best of my ability more than anything!



Grumpy, huh? I actually like grumpy guys. Just not sure about the airborne part! LOL.



DF, plus that ultra wattage lights to make everything looks clearer!

geraltt, I can understand the allure of wanting something/someone one can't have. It is human nature after all.



But again, what I was talking about was how all this has evolved into something second nature to some women. How they actually prefer married men. God, I'm really bad at expressing myself when I'm this riled up.



I sympathize with those who fell in love and was trapped when they found out that he was married. I sympathize with those who went out and thought, he would leave his wife - only to get burned later on.



But I can't sympathize with those who develop a thing for married men simply to feel superior, as in I can steal him from under your married nose, how hot am I?

I agree!

Naturally, anyone who reads this has their own perspective, but there is not reason to dig your heels in about someones opinion, SunTripper. June1999 already said she was talking from a biased point of view.

thehippy, I'm not laying all the blame on the women. I am equally disgusted at the men who are involved in this kind of relationship.



I was too emotional about this subject that I guess my writing wasn't as clear as I wanted it to be. I wanted to talk about how I thought some women were stupid to actually believe it was fine to pursue married men, thinking it was cool and sophisticated.



SunTripper, I fully realize that stating such opinion may lead to the belief that I see things in black and white. I don't. I sympathize with those who fell in love and realized too late that he was not the one. I just don't care much for those who go after what they want, thinking they are the only thing that matters.



I don't care much for your patronizing tone and what you try to imply, either. I didn't write this story to judge your relationship, hell I didn't even know you.

I fully agree with you, june. You're better off having a clear conscience even if that means you're sometimes on your own.

i gotta agree with you to a degree, there are plenty unmarried available men out there i think some women see what these men have and want to either belittle the wife or its about one upmanship or they are money hungry and cut throat. Either that or they have been used themselves so many times they get to the point where they think its all about me. Sod his wife sod his kids and sod the world. Thing is i gotta say there are many men who fall for it...and you cant just blame the women as its the man who is in a committed relationship/marriage. Yes the women that do this are wrong but then if the men are that fickle...can they be blamed fully. Personally i think not.