Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Whose Right Or Responsibility Is It to Make Such Decsisions?

It is the most wonderful, uplifting and glorious experience that most human beings will ever experience in this life. When two people, in a loving committed relationship, engage in sexual intimacy, where both are giving in a way that creates a synergy, where they both receive far more than what they are giving. Sexual intimacy has the power to create bonds greater than anything comprehended on the physical level. It can also be the most degrading, disgusting, humiliating, and or horrifying experience when it is taken by force, deception, and or without a sense of deep and lasting love, via commitment.
Women who experience rape face a gauntlet of mental and emotional trauma, as well as that of repressed feelings. I read that 13% of the women who have been raped commit suicide. I am certain that anyone who gives themselves sexually to another and then, for whatever reason, end up feeling rejected or betrayed goes through the same trauma, only on a smaller scale. Considering the prominence of sexual activity there must be very few that are not holding something inside of themselves in the form of repressed feelings, things that cannot or dare not feel.
There is something in sex that goes far beyond the physical realm. There is something in the human genitalia that goes beyond that of simply being another part of our bodies. It something we use to connect with another, and in that connection with the other, we have the opportunity to find a greater connection with ourselves, and a fulfillment that makes us more alive. It is in sex that the process of creation takes place. Not only the creation of another human body, but also the creation within the engaging parties of a deeper, more connected, healthier, happier, self. Conversely when sex (the gift of self) is taken on a basis of duplicity or force, there is something within us that is lost; some part of ourselves that we begin to become disconnected from.
Erich Fromm in his book, The Art of Loving put forth love as the ultimate need and desire of all human beings. Sexual intimacy can be the ultimate in fulfilling that need, but it can also do the opposite by telling us that we are unworthy of love. If we were worthy of love our partner in sexual intimacy would love and honor us by staying with us always and not be moving on to their next sexual partner and conquest.
Sexual intimacy will always do one of two things; tell you how worthy you are of another's love, or how unworthy you are of love. Those people who have sex without requiring, or desiring, connectedness or commitment have been made unworthy. In some way they have been told they are unworthy of love, to the point that they dare not feel for it is too painful to know our own unworthiness of such an essential need. The only people who can have sex without love are those people so disconnected from themselves, that they cannot feel the guilt. The pleasure of sex they equate to love, and it is as close as they can get to it. As such, sex becomes a drug, a fix, an addiction used to try and fill the aching hole within them that cries out for love. This need and disconnectedness gives them the ability, seemingly without guilt, to create the trauma in others that they are playing out in their own lives.
It is like sex is an open, yet secret, gate; a gate which can swing two ways, one way towards life, and the other towards death. In Cypher in the Snow a boy falls down in the snow and dies for no physical reason; later it is explained how babies given everything needed to keep their physical bodies alive died because they didn't receive affection. Babies died without love.
When we talk of sex we need to understand that our life does not simply exist within these hollow walls of flesh. There is more to us than flesh and bone. If we could clearly comprehend all that is us, we could easily see that sexual intimacy, without love or emotional intimacy diminishes the human spirit, just as sex with love increases it.
Religion and Science are supposed to be locked in a hopeless struggle one against the other, but I know it isn't true. I say that because both seek of truth, and are repositories of the same. It is only in false religion, and in false science that the struggle exists. Both falsehoods engender lies, lies that will die, just as that which is not true will fade away to nothing, just as sexual intimacy that is not true will fade away as though it never was. True religion and true science will not only substantiate each other but give each other more to build upon; just as true sexual intimacy does in making more of the two engulfed within it.
Sex is a subject that is in many ways hidden and tucked; but again, there is probably no other subject so widely focused on by the media. I doubt if there is any other subject so controversial as that of sex, especially if you consider not just it, but those issues that are innately tied to it. And how can you really look at a subject, comprehensively, if you have not taken into consideration the effects that flow from it. In this area of effects I have failed to find openness and objectivity on anyone's part. In the religious setting there seems to be an unwillingness to hardly acknowledge sex; except perhaps on a detached and impersonal level. God help us if we should actually admit to having perverted, filthy, sexual thoughts, longings, and lusts. On the other hand the secular world has become evangelical in its indoctrination of the populace via the media and scholastic settings. Don't you know that sex is normal and everyone normal should be doing it? Yet both are guilty of holding back information; information critical for those who are, or would be, passing through the gate to life or death.
Religiously there seems to be this naive hope that if sex is never talked about or discussed, young or unmarried, people will simply not know that it exists. Granted talking about sex can be a stimulus to go out and do it, but in the right setting and in the right way this feared stimulus can be minimal. If there is only a chance that I am correct about sexual intimacy being a gate to life or death shouldn't that be essential for those entering adulthood to know? Shouldn't sexual understanding be a part of the knowledge that people acquire as their hormones begin to bubble and their desires begin to lead them toward a vortex that can suck them into an alien world unfamiliar to them? Be that knowledge given to them in religious jargon, or in psychological terms; irregardless of the language the elements of truth would remain the same. And that truth must contain within it the mental and emotional, the psychological and spiritual aspects of giving, not simply a fleshly part of your body to another to share, but in a way the deepest and most sacred part of who you are. The essence of, and the most intimate you. Because if these things are not understood then the physical desires for sexual fulfillment can override the need to protect and keep the quintessential you as a gift to someone who will take the gift with awe and gratitude thus forming within the giver that who and what they are is of infinite worth; forming a bond between the two that is not easily destroyed.
The most essential element needed for mental and emotional health is to love ourselves. To possess self-esteem and respect; to be able to celebrate who and what we are. There are many religiously who cannot celebrate human life as that would be contrary to the scriptures which tell us we are nothing. Nor can the sexual experience be celebrated as it brings out our carnal and devilish nature. How could anyone raised in this kind of religious environment ever come to love who and what they are; especially as they begin to experience sexual awakenings? What feelings of guilt, depression, and self-loathing must exist in the hearts and minds of those feel contaminated by such thoughts which go beyond the power of veto? If God is good then how can He, being good, create anything that is not also good? What a difference could be made if people were taught to celebrate the sexual awakenings within them? To begin to understand their entering into adulthood and the responsibilities and wonders that are, or will be, theirs. Can God be pleased with those who are embarrassed by His gift, or worse still, despise it?
Alfred Kinsey, famous for his sexual research in the 40's, failed to uncover the most pertinent of all sexual information; what does the sexual experience create . His associate Wardell Pomeroy stated that he and Kinsey, "went on the broad assumption that everyone had done everything." Simply put they had a hypothesis and set out to prove it. Kinsey's biographers concluded that he "was driven by a desire to… justify his own sexual compulsions." In the movie Kinsey he basically states that his findings are that everyone is doing it, and because everyone is doing it, it shouldn't be considered wrong. I'm using Kinsey because he expresses the mentality of the world at large.
What can sexual intimacy create? I have personally seen a man go to pieces after the woman he was living with decided to leave. A woman told me, "I gave him my saved virginity at age 24 as a gift to show him I wanted to stay with him always. He told me in actions and in words it meant nothing. He demanded sex his way after that for 5 years. Oscillating from, "it should just be desire, physical desire;" to (when I had trouble with hormonal birth control and infections from that, to having trouble with the condoms) him telling me I would not be able to abort if I got pregnant. But he wouldn't have been able to support me at all; and as a teacher being pregnant and unmarried would have been a death sentence. So I spent years having sex in fear. It screwed with me so bad I couldn't say no to the next four men that took me for themselves; none of them stayed. They went to the next women...right after...right in front of me. I was suppose to be ok with that and remain friends, which I did, and suppress my hurt and confusion. Now I loath my body completely because it's all that anyone ever wanted. I have been in the clinics many times hoping I haven't contracted something permanent and hoping the urine tests came out ok. I was ALONE!" . I had a woman I loved leave me after fourteen years. I lived through a car wreck that nearly took my life with the bone in my right leg poking through the skin; but I never really knew suffering until she left me. I could have lost a leg and still considered myself complete as a person, but when she left there was a part of my soul that was missing. I was not whole or complete anymore. I was a piece of trash that any woman could have picked up out of the gutter and have for her own, because that made me feel wanted and alive.
I'm not a Kinsey, I don't have a PhD., but do I need one? Sometimes I think people who spend their lives in books fail to comprehend the reality of life that exists with common people who have that inner knowledge called common sense. Sometimes I think people like Kinsey are so smart that they are stupid. If everyone doing something makes it alright then why don't we still use DDT. Everyone was using it, and it was great until we realized that it was getting everywhere, and that we had to stop if we didn't want to end up killing ourselves. If what the majority is doing is automatically right what should I conclude after hearing the radio say that two out of three people are thieves? Does that automatically make stealing right? Just because everyone is having sex doesn't make it right. There are a myriad voices that cry out their pain. To be married to, and have sexual intimacy with one person who loves and adores you; one person who hears the news of a forthcoming child with gladness and joy; one person who you can count on to be there for you always; where is the downside? The opposite cannot be said. Fear of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, fear of being alone, fear of not really being loved for who you are but only for your genitals, fear that you are unworthy of love, fear that you have no value, and fear that the pain may get so great that death looks good compared with life. That is one hell of a downside!
I am not promoting marital versus non-marital relationships per se, because marriage to me is like having a car sitting out front of the house. Everyone can see it, but that doesn't mean the fool that owns it knows how to put fuel in, start the ignition, put it into gear, or steer it down the highway. Many, so called, marriages are more like torture chambers that people with religious convictions or feelings of unworthiness are trapped in. Marriage is supposed to be a committed relationship where not only physical bodies are shared but hopes, dreams, as well as mental and emotional anguish. Life and love must innately be a part of any sexual connection in order for it to be a marriage… indeed that is what marriage is. A piece of paper will not a marriage make, and that is just as important a bit of information for people to have as that of, sex without commitment will cause psychological damage. People have to know what a marriage s supposed to be, and what sexual intimacy is supposed to accomplish otherwise they will keep doing the destructive things that hurt themselves and others. Neither science or religion desire to keep people trapped in their pain.
I know there are people who will not agree with me; and I know I will never be able to prove my points. But that is not because my points are un-provable. It is because people will believe what they desire to believe irregardless of evidence or reason. Sex being more stimulating than abstentia, and multiple and continuing partners more enticing than one committed partner; many will simply desire to believe that I am wrong. It simply has to do with the heart.
We can easily comprehend the term "the desires of our hearts," but no one uses the term "the desires of our intellect." If the desires of ones heart are based on truth and right they will lead the intellect to pursue of those desires. Likewise, if the desires of the heart are based on sex; those desires will lead the intellect in its pursuit of sex.
When we want something bad enough we rationalize, or warp, twist, tweak whatever we have to so that what we want becomes rational to us. We engage our intellect in pursuit of our desires, be they good or bad. Now the intellect has the ability to restrain the heart based on its understanding. Through understanding the intellect can rule over the heart, but…. but… only upon the willingness of the heart to acquiesce to the intellects understanding.
There is a bond between the heart and mind that is inseparable. The only possibility, in my mind, of there being a separation of the two would be with the mentally ill. The heart leads, but the intellect governs; in them we can comprehend what the union of marriage should be, and also check to see if there is imbalance.
When two people are truly in love and decide to engage in sexual intimacy without a marriage ceremony that does not mean they are wrong… it only means they are not taking a scientific approach. No true scientist is going to conclude that his hypothesis or theory is correct without testing it. People who jump in the sack are concluding they are in love without giving themselves some sort of test to make sure. They are certain they are in love, but are they really? Everything they feel tells them that this is love. Everything within them tells them they were meant to be together. Listen to the words of love songs: "If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?" "No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be. The only one for me is you, and you for me." "I don't care who you are, what you've done, as long as you love me." The feelings of love, and the feelings of wanting to be in love, are exactly the same. There is only one difference. The reality of love does not fade or disappear with the dawning. When two people decide to get married and begin to plan for a wedding the testing begins. As they begin talking about family, friends, jobs and or careers, housing; when parents, relatives, and friends start getting closely involved many people conclude that their love is not enough. That is why marriage is a more scientific approach to sexually intimate, committed, marital type relationships.
It is people who do not love themselves enough, and thus no one else, to make a marriage who will argue for sexual freedom. If they were honest they would know they were not arguing for sexual freedom but for sexual irresponsibility. There is only one sure fire guarantee of non-pregnancy for a woman, and that is abstentia. Whenever a woman gives her body to a man sexually, even with contraceptives, there is always the chance that she will conceive a child. Men and women both are guilty, and they should feel it, when they are willing to gamble that their pleasure of the moment will not create a child (that will need them both to be responsible in caring for and raising it); a child they are unwilling to be responsible for.
To destroy tissue inside ones body may seem like the perfect solution, but there are women who have suffered deeply after having done so. Other women may claim to feel no emotional or mental distress over abortion; but considering other women's traumatic experiences, isn't it more logical to believe that they have simply repressed their emotions? The fact that does exist is that women who do not have abortions don't take the chance of psychological scarring.
People who preach sexual freedom are really saying let's play sexual roulette. Let's spin the wheel and play this dangerous game. Who can say it is not a dangerous game? We used DDT thinking it was benefiting us, but there was a downside. Have we come so far, has our understanding come to the point that we can know that sex outside marriage (committed relationship) is not innately harmful psychologically or spiritually when there are ample examples of the destructive mental and emotional scarring it has caused?
What are the differences that exists between a woman who has a man who is committed to her in ways that go far beyond sex, and who hears the news of her carrying his child with joy and happiness; and the woman who has conceived by a man who hears the news with dark looks of disgust or despair? On the one hand the woman has given the man she loves the greatest gift she can ever give to him; on the other a burden he did not seek and does not want, but one that he is innately responsible for. On the one hand the woman is loved for all she is; on the other, her genitals seem to be the only part of her that was desired. And what about the children that do come?
Can you understand the feelings of Bobby Darin, in the movie Beyond the Sea, when he finds out his real mother is the woman he always thought of as his sister? Can you understand the feelings of Bobby Darin when he asks his sister/mother who his father is and she is unable to answer him, because she was dating a lot of boys at that time. When guys date girls who put out, and think they have done nothing wrong because she gave herself willingly, they are wrong. It is worse still when men become so callous as to make sex a game to play for points so they can keep score to see who wins this week or next month. Is a woman 3 points because she's blonde, or 2 points because she's brunette? Is a woman worth more because she's younger? We improve with age, or at least we can. How can anyone who loves a woman want her to look in the mirror and feel she will be less deserving of love because she is beginning to develop wrinkles? Yet these things come with sexual freedom, co called.
Can you understand the pain that comes into a woman or man's life when their sexual partner is through with them? Sex is bonding. It simply is. The only people who can have sex and move on are those people who cannot connect to someone else because they are not connected even to themselves. If I had a PhD and funding to determine all I say there will always be those who will not agree, because in their hearts they are unwilling to see the hurt and suffering that comes with sexual misconduct. No one can have uncommitted sex with out creating, in themselves, to some degree, the act of deleting themselves. God isn't up there saying things just to be saying them, His commandments are there to help protect us; and that is exactly what they would ever do if they weren't misunderstood and or misinterpreted.
Take all of the above into consideration and then see if you can understand the feelings of a man who holds in his arms a woman who wants him for always. A woman in whose heart the song is still singing after years have gone by, "If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?" Whose pleasure doesn't just come from her sexual experience, but from the one she is giving to him as well. Who is happy just because he is near. What kind of value must this man feel? What kind of value does the woman have who understands that her husband looks at her as his most precious possession, yet does not try to possess her; but loves her as if she were a goddess or a queen? What is the joy of these two as they contemplate the arrival of a child yet unborn?
Yet we live in a society where rape, spouse and child abuse and molestation are common. It can be argued that sexual permissiveness are not a factor in the above abuses, but I believe they are. As long as the media via television, magazines, etc. sell women as sex objects, and sexual intimacy without commitment; and schools pass out condoms young adults will hear the message loud and clear that they were created for sexual expression and use.
They will learn to fear pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, but feel the use of contraceptives and condoms will protect them from the same. Classrooms may teach abstinence or use of contraceptives, but with only the physical issues being discussed young people will have a dark void within them. Until the understanding of sex and how it affects us psychologically are taught, young people will continue to enter into an alien and hostile world, cruel and destructive. Unless the need for love and value are taught and included in what sexual intimacy should consist of, people will fail to gain all from sex what it was created to give.
It is life itself to those who come to understand it and use it in the way it was intended. It is only in this way that true sexual freedom will exist as two become one without guilt, without fear, without sin… in completeness and wholeness. We need to understand that that which is termed sexual freedom is actually sexual irresponsibility, and or addiction, and always destructive as it takes from men and women their sense of value, their self-love or self-esteem, and with some, their very lives. Who can fail to see that sexual intimacy should be connected to love the ultimate need and desire of all human beings?

It is the most wonderful, uplifting and glorious experience that most human beings will ever experience in this life. When two people, in a loving committed relationship, engage in sexual intimacy, where both are giving in a way that creates a synergy, where they both receive far more than what they are giving. Sexual intimacy has the power to create bonds greater than anything comprehended on the physical level. It can also be the most degrading, disgusting, humiliating, and or horrifying experience when it is taken by force, deception, and or without a sense of deep and lasting love, via commitment.
Women who experience rape face a gauntlet of mental and emotional trauma, as well as that of repressed feelings. I read that 13% of the women who have been raped commit suicide. I am certain that anyone who gives themselves sexually to another and then, for whatever reason, end up feeling rejected or betrayed goes through the same trauma, only on a smaller scale. Considering the prominence of sexual activity there must be very few that are not holding something inside of themselves in the form of repressed feelings, things that cannot or dare not feel.
There is something in sex that goes far beyond the physical realm. There is something in the human genitalia that goes beyond that of simply being another part of our bodies. It something we use to connect with another, and in that connection with the other, we have the opportunity to find a greater connection with ourselves, and a fulfillment that makes us more alive. It is in sex that the process of creation takes place. Not only the creation of another human body, but also the creation within the engaging parties of a deeper, more connected, healthier, happier, self. Conversely when sex (the gift of self) is taken on a basis of duplicity or force, there is something within us that is lost; some part of ourselves that we begin to become disconnected from.
Erich Fromm in his book, The Art of Loving put forth love as the ultimate need and desire of all human beings. Sexual intimacy can be the ultimate in fulfilling that need, but it can also do the opposite by telling us that we are unworthy of love. If we were worthy of love our partner in sexual intimacy would love and honor us by staying with us always and not be moving on to their next sexual partner and conquest.
Sexual intimacy will always do one of two things; tell you how worthy you are of another's love, or how unworthy you are of love. Those people who have sex without requiring, or desiring, connectedness or commitment have been made unworthy. In some way they have been told they are unworthy of love, to the point that they dare not feel for it is too painful to know our own unworthiness of such an essential need. The only people who can have sex without love are those people so disconnected from themselves, that they cannot feel the guilt. The pleasure of sex they equate to love, and it is as close as they can get to it. As such, sex becomes a drug, a fix, an addiction used to try and fill the aching hole within them that cries out for love. This need and disconnectedness gives them the ability, seemingly without guilt, to create the trauma in others that they are playing out in their own lives.
It is like sex is an open, yet secret, gate; a gate which can swing two ways, one way towards life, and the other towards death. In Cypher in the Snow a boy falls down in the snow and dies for no physical reason; later it is explained how babies given everything needed to keep their physical bodies alive died because they didn't receive affection. Babies died without love.
When we talk of sex we need to understand that our life does not simply exist within these hollow walls of flesh. There is more to us than flesh and bone. If we could clearly comprehend all that is us, we could easily see that sexual intimacy, without love or emotional intimacy diminishes the human spirit, just as sex with love increases it.
Religion and Science are supposed to be locked in a hopeless struggle one against the other, but I know it isn't true. I say that because both seek of truth, and are repositories of the same. It is only in false religion, and in false science that the struggle exists. Both falsehoods engender lies, lies that will die, just as that which is not true will fade away to nothing, just as sexual intimacy that is not true will fade away as though it never was. True religion and true science will not only substantiate each other but give each other more to build upon; just as true sexual intimacy does in making more of the two engulfed within it.
Sex is a subject that is in many ways hidden and tucked; but again, there is probably no other subject so widely focused on by the media. I doubt if there is any other subject so controversial as that of sex, especially if you consider not just it, but those issues that are innately tied to it. And how can you really look at a subject, comprehensively, if you have not taken into consideration the effects that flow from it. In this area of effects I have failed to find openness and objectivity on anyone's part. In the religious setting there seems to be an unwillingness to hardly acknowledge sex; except perhaps on a detached and impersonal level. God help us if we should actually admit to having perverted, filthy, sexual thoughts, longings, and lusts. On the other hand the secular world has become evangelical in its indoctrination of the populace via the media and scholastic settings. Don't you know that sex is normal and everyone normal should be doing it? Yet both are guilty of holding back information; information critical for those who are, or would be, passing through the gate to life or death.
Religiously there seems to be this naive hope that if sex is never talked about or discussed, young or unmarried, people will simply not know that it exists. Granted talking about sex can be a stimulus to go out and do it, but in the right setting and in the right way this feared stimulus can be minimal. If there is only a chance that I am correct about sexual intimacy being a gate to life or death shouldn't that be essential for those entering adulthood to know? Shouldn't sexual understanding be a part of the knowledge that people acquire as their hormones begin to bubble and their desires begin to lead them toward a vortex that can suck them into an alien world unfamiliar to them? Be that knowledge given to them in religious jargon, or in psychological terms; irregardless of the language the elements of truth would remain the same. And that truth must contain within it the mental and emotional, the psychological and spiritual aspects of giving, not simply a fleshly part of your body to another to share, but in a way the deepest and most sacred part of who you are. The essence of, and the most intimate you. Because if these things are not understood then the physical desires for sexual fulfillment can override the need to protect and keep the quintessential you as a gift to someone who will take the gift with awe and gratitude thus forming within the giver that who and what they are is of infinite worth; forming a bond between the two that is not easily destroyed.
The most essential element needed for mental and emotional health is to love ourselves. To possess self-esteem and respect; to be able to celebrate who and what we are. There are many religiously who cannot celebrate human life as that would be contrary to the scriptures which tell us we are nothing. Nor can the sexual experience be celebrated as it brings out our carnal and devilish nature. How could anyone raised in this kind of religious environment ever come to love who and what they are; especially as they begin to experience sexual awakenings? What feelings of guilt, depression, and self-loathing must exist in the hearts and minds of those feel contaminated by such thoughts which go beyond the power of veto? If God is good then how can He, being good, create anything that is not also good? What a difference could be made if people were taught to celebrate the sexual awakenings within them? To begin to understand their entering into adulthood and the responsibilities and wonders that are, or will be, theirs. Can God be pleased with those who are embarrassed by His gift, or worse still, despise it?
Alfred Kinsey, famous for his sexual research in the 40's, failed to uncover the most pertinent of all sexual information; what does the sexual experience create . His associate Wardell Pomeroy stated that he and Kinsey, "went on the broad assumption that everyone had done everything." Simply put they had a hypothesis and set out to prove it. Kinsey's biographers concluded that he "was driven by a desire to… justify his own sexual compulsions." In the movie Kinsey he basically states that his findings are that everyone is doing it, and because everyone is doing it, it shouldn't be considered wrong. I'm using Kinsey because he expresses the mentality of the world at large.
What can sexual intimacy create? I have personally seen a man go to pieces after the woman he was living with decided to leave. A woman told me, "I gave him my saved virginity at age 24 as a gift to show him I wanted to stay with him always. He told me in actions and in words it meant nothing. He demanded sex his way after that for 5 years. Oscillating from, "it should just be desire, physical desire;" to (when I had trouble with hormonal birth control and infections from that, to having trouble with the condoms) him telling me I would not be able to abort if I got pregnant. But he wouldn't have been able to support me at all; and as a teacher being pregnant and unmarried would have been a death sentence. So I spent years having sex in fear. It screwed with me so bad I couldn't say no to the next four men that took me for themselves; none of them stayed. They went to the next women...right after...right in front of me. I was suppose to be ok with that and remain friends, which I did, and suppress my hurt and confusion. Now I loath my body completely because it's all that anyone ever wanted. I have been in the clinics many times hoping I haven't contracted something permanent and hoping the urine tests came out ok. I was ALONE!" . I had a woman I loved leave me after fourteen years. I lived through a car wreck that nearly took my life with the bone in my right leg poking through the skin; but I never really knew suffering until she left me. I could have lost a leg and still considered myself complete as a person, but when she left there was a part of my soul that was missing. I was not whole or complete anymore. I was a piece of trash that any woman could have picked up out of the gutter and have for her own, because that made me feel wanted and alive.
I'm not a Kinsey, I don't have a PhD., but do I need one? Sometimes I think people who spend their lives in books fail to comprehend the reality of life that exists with common people who have that inner knowledge called common sense. Sometimes I think people like Kinsey are so smart that they are stupid. If everyone doing something makes it alright then why don't we still use DDT. Everyone was using it, and it was great until we realized that it was getting everywhere, and that we had to stop if we didn't want to end up killing ourselves. If what the majority is doing is automatically right what should I conclude after hearing the radio say that two out of three people are thieves? Does that automatically make stealing right? Just because everyone is having sex doesn't make it right. There are a myriad voices that cry out their pain. To be married to, and have sexual intimacy with one person who loves and adores you; one person who hears the news of a forthcoming child with gladness and joy; one person who you can count on to be there for you always; where is the downside? The opposite cannot be said. Fear of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, fear of being alone, fear of not really being loved for who you are but only for your genitals, fear that you are unworthy of love, fear that you have no value, and fear that the pain may get so great that death looks good compared with life. That is one hell of a downside!
I am not promoting marital versus non-marital relationships per se, because marriage to me is like having a car sitting out front of the house. Everyone can see it, but that doesn't mean the fool that owns it knows how to put fuel in, start the ignition, put it into gear, or steer it down the highway. Many, so called, marriages are more like torture chambers that people with religious convictions or feelings of unworthiness are trapped in. Marriage is supposed to be a committed relationship where not only physical bodies are shared but hopes, dreams, as well as mental and emotional anguish. Life and love must innately be a part of any sexual connection in order for it to be a marriage… indeed that is what marriage is. A piece of paper will not a marriage make, and that is just as important a bit of information for people to have as that of, sex without commitment will cause psychological damage. People have to know what a marriage s supposed to be, and what sexual intimacy is supposed to accomplish otherwise they will keep doing the destructive things that hurt themselves and others. Neither science or religion desire to keep people trapped in their pain.
I know there are people who will not agree with me; and I know I will never be able to prove my points. But that is not because my points are un-provable. It is because people will believe what they desire to believe irregardless of evidence or reason. Sex being more stimulating than abstentia, and multiple and continuing partners more enticing than one committed partner; many will simply desire to believe that I am wrong. It simply has to do with the heart.
We can easily comprehend the term "the desires of our hearts," but no one uses the term "the desires of our intellect." If the desires of ones heart are based on truth and right they will lead the intellect to pursue of those desires. Likewise, if the desires of the heart are based on sex; those desires will lead the intellect in its pursuit of sex.
When we want something bad enough we rationalize, or warp, twist, tweak whatever we have to so that what we want becomes rational to us. We engage our intellect in pursuit of our desires, be they good or bad. Now the intellect has the ability to restrain the heart based on its understanding. Through understanding the intellect can rule over the heart, but…. but… only upon the willingness of the heart to acquiesce to the intellects understanding.
There is a bond between the heart and mind that is inseparable. The only possibility, in my mind, of there being a separation of the two would be with the mentally ill. The heart leads, but the intellect governs; in them we can comprehend what the union of marriage should be, and also check to see if there is imbalance.
When two people are truly in love and decide to engage in sexual intimacy without a marriage ceremony that does not mean they are wrong… it only means they are not taking a scientific approach. No true scientist is going to conclude that his hypothesis or theory is correct without testing it. People who jump in the sack are concluding they are in love without giving themselves some sort of test to make sure. They are certain they are in love, but are they really? Everything they feel tells them that this is love. Everything within them tells them they were meant to be together. Listen to the words of love songs: "If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?" "No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be. The only one for me is you, and you for me." "I don't care who you are, what you've done, as long as you love me." The feelings of love, and the feelings of wanting to be in love, are exactly the same. There is only one difference. The reality of love does not fade or disappear with the dawning. When two people decide to get married and begin to plan for a wedding the testing begins. As they begin talking about family, friends, jobs and or careers, housing; when parents, relatives, and friends start getting closely involved many people conclude that their love is not enough. That is why marriage is a more scientific approach to sexually intimate, committed, marital type relationships.
It is people who do not love themselves enough, and thus no one else, to make a marriage who will argue for sexual freedom. If they were honest they would know they were not arguing for sexual freedom but for sexual irresponsibility. There is only one sure fire guarantee of non-pregnancy for a woman, and that is abstentia. Whenever a woman gives her body to a man sexually, even with contraceptives, there is always the chance that she will conceive a child. Men and women both are guilty, and they should feel it, when they are willing to gamble that their pleasure of the moment will not create a child (that will need them both to be responsible in caring for and raising it); a child they are unwilling to be responsible for.
To destroy tissue inside ones body may seem like the perfect solution, but there are women who have suffered deeply after having done so. Other women may claim to feel no emotional or mental distress over abortion; but considering other women's traumatic experiences, isn't it more logical to believe that they have simply repressed their emotions? The fact that does exist is that women who do not have abortions don't take the chance of psychological scarring.
People who preach sexual freedom are really saying let's play sexual roulette. Let's spin the wheel and play this dangerous game. Who can say it is not a dangerous game? We used DDT thinking it was benefiting us, but there was a downside. Have we come so far, has our understanding come to the point that we can know that sex outside marriage (committed relationship) is not innately harmful psychologically or spiritually when there are ample examples of the destructive mental and emotional scarring it has caused?
What are the differences that exists between a woman who has a man who is committed to her in ways that go far beyond sex, and who hears the news of her carrying his child with joy and happiness; and the woman who has conceived by a man who hears the news with dark looks of disgust or despair? On the one hand the woman has given the man she loves the greatest gift she can ever give to him; on the other a burden he did not seek and does not want, but one that he is innately responsible for. On the one hand the woman is loved for all she is; on the other, her genitals seem to be the only part of her that was desired. And what about the children that do come?
Can you understand the feelings of Bobby Darin, in the movie Beyond the Sea, when he finds out his real mother is the woman he always thought of as his sister? Can you understand the feelings of Bobby Darin when he asks his sister/mother who his father is and she is unable to answer him, because she was dating a lot of boys at that time. When guys date girls who put out, and think they have done nothing wrong because she gave herself willingly, they are wrong. It is worse still when men become so callous as to make sex a game to play for points so they can keep score to see who wins this week or next month. Is a woman 3 points because she's blonde, or 2 points because she's brunette? Is a woman worth more because she's younger? We improve with age, or at least we can. How can anyone who loves a woman want her to look in the mirror and feel she will be less deserving of love because she is beginning to develop wrinkles? Yet these things come with sexual freedom, co called.
Can you understand the pain that comes into a woman or man's life when their sexual partner is through with them? Sex is bonding. It simply is. The only people who can have sex and move on are those people who cannot connect to someone else because they are not connected even to themselves. If I had a PhD and funding to determine all I say there will always be those who will not agree, because in their hearts they are unwilling to see the hurt and suffering that comes with sexual misconduct. No one can have uncommitted sex with out creating, in themselves, to some degree, the act of deleting themselves. God isn't up there saying things just to be saying them, His commandments are there to help protect us; and that is exactly what they would ever do if they weren't misunderstood and or misinterpreted.
Take all of the above into consideration and then see if you can understand the feelings of a man who holds in his arms a woman who wants him for always. A woman in whose heart the song is still singing after years have gone by, "If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?" Whose pleasure doesn't just come from her sexual experience, but from the one she is giving to him as well. Who is happy just because he is near. What kind of value must this man feel? What kind of value does the woman have who understands that her husband looks at her as his most precious possession, yet does not try to possess her; but loves her as if she were a goddess or a queen? What is the joy of these two as they contemplate the arrival of a child yet unborn?
Yet we live in a society where rape, spouse and child abuse and molestation are common. It can be argued that sexual permissiveness are not a factor in the above abuses, but I believe they are. As long as the media via television, magazines, etc. sell women as sex objects, and sexual intimacy without commitment; and schools pass out condoms young adults will hear the message loud and clear that they were created for sexual expression and use.
They will learn to fear pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, but feel the use of contraceptives and condoms will protect them from the same. Classrooms may teach abstinence or use of contraceptives, but with only the physical issues being discussed young people will have a dark void within them. Until the understanding of sex and how it affects us psychologically are taught, young people will continue to enter into an alien and hostile world, cruel and destructive. Unless the need for love and value are taught and included in what sexual intimacy should consist of, people will fail to gain all from sex what it was created to give.
It is life itself to those who come to understand it and use it in the way it was intended. It is only in this way that true sexual freedom will exist as two become one without guilt, without fear, without sin… in completeness and wholeness. We need to understand that that which is termed sexual freedom is actually sexual irresponsibility, and or addiction, and always destructive as it takes from men and women their sense of value, their self-love or self-esteem, and with some, their very lives. Who can fail to see that sexual intimacy should be connected to love the ultimate need and desire of all human beings?

grailsearcher grailsearcher 51-55, M 2 Responses Dec 22, 2008

Your Response

Cancel

Thanks Tusharg

Never read such a marathon story before, But I agree with each word.