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Having To 'defend' Myself...

i have experienced feeling badly a lot of the time my entire life. i am technically diagnosed with major depressive disorder,but i feel that people think i'm not dealing with this because sometimes i'm sociable,i try to be cheerful as much as possible,and i'm a good actress, i don't want everyone to bear the brunt of how i feel a lot of the time,and i need to give myself a break sometime...i wouldn't have survived this long without my sense of humor. but i am constantly paranoid that someone from social security is going to read the funny banter i post on facebook with friends and family...under private,yes,but there was a case of a woman in canada allegedly posting on facebook who lost disability benefits because she went to the beach with friends and posted about it! if you are depressed,and able on a given day to go to the beach and feel better for awhile,it does not mean you don't suffer a lot from depression. that's all i'm going to write for now. i'm glad i found experience project,because i need to talk to somebody,and i don't like to bother my family all the time...they have a lot of their own problems and i feel guilty i can't help them and i hardly visit my dad who has alzheimer's because he and i used to be good buddies and i miss who he was and it's very depressing! thank you for being here!
deeaqua deeaqua 51-55, F 4 Responses Oct 14, 2010

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Much of your post could have been taken right from my brain. I know exactly how you feel.

Just remember that you aren't alone. *hug*

thanks,steelergirl. i have to constantly remind myself that it is not a moral failing. i have internalized over the years that it's my fault,that if i just tried harder,had a better attitude...but now i know it's not that simple.

I think it's awful that we have to defend ourselves. If people would just TRY to understand that we have a disease, it's not a character flaw. I think having someone to talk to is SO important. I absolutely agree with you on that. I