Bipolar Love...a Half Assed Poem

A rainy Christmas Day
a Jewish house
where Santa visited in the night the eve before
wrappers and toys askew
and still all over the floor

Hours of board games,
books, and puzzles
independent play
watching the rain from the window as it poured
pretty much most of the day

The girls took umbrellas and boots all bundled up good
to stomp in puddles and explore
Olivia got stuck in a thorny bush
Emily gave the squirrels food

Gabriel read quietly
painted and listened to conversations we quietly engaged in
as the day rolled on
my husband and I inhaled every laugh
every grin

There were rough spots in the day
smoothed over with a little distracted play
but then the clouds thickened

And as the winds blew in
and the rain turned to snow
the tension in the house began to grow

Suddenly it swelled and then
all hell broke loose
The wailing began
The calm found its noose

Like a blizzard of fear
it pelted us
how much more we loved the others
how she couldn't continue to live here
or have me as her mother

How she was born wrong
is garbage and a bully
from tarantulas in the closet
to the colors on the wall
stay she begged me
no, GO she yelled pointing towards the hall

She shook until the bed rattled
with fear of all things great and small
I ran Reiki through her body
until she finally began to fall
fast asleep

sucking a thumb to soothe
dreams of what I can't imagine
dreams of her secret inner truths
and webs of lies her birthmother did spin

Bipolar love is hard on the heart
and the soul sobs
and the spirit
ends up dragging a heavy cart

Her words play over and over in my head
to the point
where I always hear them to my inner dread

Whether she is jumping in a puddle
or quietly playing a game
the words are there... just the same

Bipolar love
hard on the heart, but the love never wanes.
surfsounds surfsounds
46-50, F
Dec 14, 2012