Someone I Would Like To Meet`

               My aunt first dressed me when I was 8. She began by dropping a dress over my head . It was long enough for me to be covered head to toe. It was summer, I was wearing shorts and a t shirt, the feel of the dress material against my skin  felt so good, even the parts of me covered by clothes felt alive.  She asked me if I liked it, I said that I did. She then opened up her pantie drawer and showed me her bras and lingerie, She slid a pair of silk panties across my arm ,the feel sent shivers through my body, auntie smiled. She told me that she didn't like boys and if I was a girl, we could have lots of fun while my mom was at work. Fun sounded good.
                My aunt took me shopping, on the way she told me that girls didn't wear pants, especially for special occasions.  As we stood in the girls wear section of the department store, she had me help her find some new panties from a large display box. A saleswoman came over and asked my aunt if she needed any help. She replied that I wanted to be a girl and that I needed some new clothes. The next thing I knew we were heading home and I had my first set of girls clothes. A yellow party dress with petticoat, yellow and white ruffled panties, white cotton camisole, white knee high socks and black patent leather shoes. I couldn't wait home to try them on. As I stood in front of the mirror, dressed for the first time, I felt alive and complete, I like who I saw. That was the day  I was born in 1965.
               As I grew older, guilt/denial ran the day. I was socially awkward, liked girls, but hung mostly with guys, rarely would I dress. For a long time addiction became the boss, all in an attempt to deny the girl that I was. Life sucked. Luckily for me I found recovery and have never looked back.
               Today I am male on the outside and all female on the inside. I have a very strong feminine sexuality, I would rather be a girl with a man, than a man with a girl. I am not interested  in a man with man. I LOVE the sensuality of being a girl even with the limited experience that I have. I have given up most of my manly hobbies, and pursued more feminine interests. I'm more intolerant of ignorant people and compassionate , understanding of people less fortunate than me. I feel loved and I can love.
               There is however a problem. My aunt was the only woman to dress me and that was decades ago. I have tried many times to meet this girl by trying my best to look the part but always end up looking like a guy in a dress. I need to learn how to use makeup and how to style my own long hair.                          The girl in me has come to the realization that with all the different styles available I can express my inner self without looking to strange. 
                 When the time is right and it soon will be,I will be glad to meet Nanci face to face. The male me has made a mess of my life and I'm hoping she can straighten  this girl out. And I mean OUT all the way.
                  Thanks for helping me get 1 step close to who I want to be
Nancisnew Nancisnew
51-55, T
May 5, 2012