Its another day where I have sat down and had a good think on life..and honestly I dont understand it.. People come and go out of your life and theres that few handful that will stick by you forever.. I have had a long think about alot of things.. I mean everyone wants the same thing in life friendship, to love and be loved, to have your own space a home and to be happy ..yet these things I dont understand.. If everyone wants these things then why is it so hard to grasp them??.. Life for me??.. Is a blur.. Its filled with a whril wind of emotions and sometimes I go through thoughts and feeling that I cant control and it is annoying sometimes.. The one thing I desire is a peacful mind.. Unfortunately I know I will never have that.. Lying in bed at night wondering where am I going to go in life..where is it going to end??.. Life is filled with ups and downs.. And its you that can make your life how you want it?? .. Well thats what ive been told.. But the way I see it??.. Theres always something standing in your way preventing what you want.. For example.. I was watching the xfactor the other night and I was thinking all these people have such good voices and they want to become professional soooo bad yet that can be taken away from them just as fast as it came to them.. The people who auditioned at the start??.. The ones who obviously cant sing??.. They put their heart and soul into their performance and yet their "just not good enough".. That is a thing that can knock someones confidence a thing that will have them feel like they shouldnt try anymore.. if life is how you want it to be?? Then why?? These people who dont have a strong voice like the rest??.. Will never get what they want??..to be able to sing professionally??.. If life is how you make it??.. Then whay about children who are born into poverty?? The want sooo bad to get out of that but yet when they grow older they find themselves in the same possition as their parents??.. And when they where trying to change their life the one thing stopping them was money and education??.. Its like they can only get soo far and then that barrier comes down.. And they give up.. I see people everyday getting on with their lives but you jusy never know what they are thinking or whats happening to them??.. They might look happy and yet theres one thing eating them up inside..and that one thing is what I see as the "thing" stopping you from how you want your life to be.. Theres people I know and their life is soo sad and upsetting yet they always push through.. Like this one guy thomas.. He has a severe mental health problem and the man is disabled.. But he always bumps into me up the street with a smile and gives me a hug and he talks away to me like theres no tomorrow.. But he gets bullied real bad by kids and he gets soo hurt by it.. Why does there have to be vicious and evil people in this world??.. People that cant be happy unless they are making other lives miserable??.. Theres people in this world who constantly degrades others and makes them feel worthless??.. Theres girls I see who cant go through a day without bitching about other girls and men I see who cant stop trying to make them out to be the big man.. "the fighter" "the one you shouldnt mess with".. This **** is just ****** up!! People who think they are cool and tough yet they go around picking on the weak.. But the weak are the ones who are strong.. Its the weak who go out and face life eventhough they know that their either going to get name called,beat up, or degraded infront of others.. People bully others for many reasons!! if their smart??.they get bullied..if their different?? .. They get bullied.. over weight??.. Bullied!! Ehy does this have to happen in life??.. Its so ******* sad.. And people dont care how other people feel.. Theses evil and vicious people only care about me,my and I.. They dont care if they hurt someone.. They dont care if they make peoples lives a living hell.. And its these vicious people who.are yet another barrier to others for them to make their life how they want it... It breaks my heart to know that theirs people suffering in silence.. People who font wana get out of bed in the morning because they know their life is going to ne the same rutine.. The same vicious cycle that will never break.. This **** is why people commit suicide, why people become depressed,why people get aloy of mental health conditions.. And yano what thinking about all this makes me take a step back and say.. What the actual **** is life all about??.. And why does bad things happen to good people??.. I guess I will never understand life..but one thing I do understand.. You are not alone..