Civilization: Reductio Ad Absurdum; Or Cogito Ergo Sum Crazy!

I think so hard about our society that it is reduced to a huge, absurd, pointless mess. I think about the norms, and how paranoid they are, dividing people from their surroundings, creating and feeding insecurities. I think about how much we're all screwing the world over, and all the living things in it, with pollution, war, hypocrisy, consumption, "diplomacy", ignorance, genocide, "revolution", rape, murder, selfish acts of violence left, right and center wings. Even the small cultural artifacts in everyday life cannot escape my scrutiny: I watch a film, and I pick apart its underlying political motivations, reducing it to a hodge-podge of propaganda, like Avatar. That movie really does suck though, by the way! I carry this skepticism with me everywhere, to the point of neurosis. It really helps in university papers, but it makes the rest of life taste bitter. It just seems that underneath everything, there is nothing but bullshit. Where's it getting us? Sadly we'll soon find out. Life is chaotic, and we can't control it, no matter how hard we try. Civilization is the culmination of our feeble attempts to makes sense of a harsh, cold, absurd world. Perhaps it's not even that, perhaps it's not an attempt at making sense of things, but simply a distraction from the insanity of it all. Or maybe I'm a lunatic, maybe I just can't see what's in front of me, what every one else can so easily see and live their lives by. Or maybe they're deceiving themselves... Maybe it is all bullshit, maybe it is all crazy and meaningless. Makes me feel nauseous. But then I remember Hume's quote "Reason is...the slave of passion", and I think, maybe all this insane reasoning on my part is a result of a baser, visceral feeling, motivating my cynical thoughts. I do know dysthymia (a neurological disorder, similar to depression but WORSE, which I am convinced I possess, or possesses me) can destroy the vitality and colour of life, reducing it to a pile of dull, gray ashes. But then again, maybe this helps me see straight. Maybe the rest of the world really is crazy. Someone's crazy here, just not sure who. My overthinking is locked in this cycle, and life itself is the victim. I really do think too much.
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26-30
Aug 13, 2010