Why Is It Soo Hard To Be Me.

everything I do is with doubt. I can't be confident about something just for once. Even if its something I'm good at I still find a reason to fault myself. Even when I write this I'm doubting if it will click with anyone reading it. Honestly.. I dont even know if I have a confidence issue. I'm popular, i have good social skills, heh.. the other night I was talking to a couple of people, one of them i was introducing myself with. She said, yea you're *****...everyone knows ******. I'm thinking...what... everyone knows me....

Thats not a good feeling for me. I should feel good but, its weird. Popularity is overrated. If i'm not happy with myself then whats the point of what people think of me. Sometimes I feel like I dont deserve the attention, maybe I might ruin what ever impression they have of me. Thats why I keep my online social circles very small, i'm just not confident. Ironically, i can go to a party and just fuc*ing chat and befriend everyone.... yet that self doubt thought is always at the back of my mind. Putting on a friendly mask is damn tiring sometimes. It can feel soo real sometimes though.. its confusing.

I dont know what this vent was suppose to be about. I put it in the 'I think too much' section but its a little bit of everything. My fingers have been aching for a vent on here, its really hard finding the words to say stuff. Maybe i said it right this time but again the self doubt comes in.

Ah what ever. This is my problem. Hope you understand.
BronzeEspada BronzeEspada
31-35, M
1 Response May 16, 2012

I know where you're coming from..though I'm not exactly "popular." I have a mask that everyone else sees...I don't think anyone knows the real me. I am more honest here than I am in every day life. I'm never totally happy with myself, can't make decisions very well, I have a "victim" mentality most of the time...anyway, just know that you're not alone.