Tendencies

I think that everyone, sometimes, thinks too much. I usually do it when I'm alone or trying to fall asleep at night. I usually find myself in some of the darker corners of my mind were repressed thoughts, memories, and feelings seem to reside. I'm one of those people who don't do well with emotion because I force myself to constantly have my guard up and force a smile. Some people have even told me that I'm cruel or cold-hearted. I'm not like that at all, I just don't know how to deal with certain subjects. All of these things I keep inside, they've really messed me up over the years and it's really taken it's toll. But what else am I to do? All I can do for myself is too keep pushing onward. The past is past, and I cannot do anything to change it. I can't bring the people I've lost back, the words I've spoken unsaid. The world won't stop for you, so I can't just stand here anymore in this one place.

My mind is peculiar, or I seem to think so. I know about a lot of the psychological aspects of things and why people act in a certain way. I used to be able to read people just by looking into their eyes. As I got older, it just seemed to change. I started seeing things I didn't like. Now I rarely make eye contact with anyone. I still think I'll see the dark parts of another's mind, so I'm just too afraid to look. But what would I know, I'm just thinking on it too damn much. There are also times I'll find an interest in someone and try to figure them out, but I've become shy to eye contact, and I find it too difficult to strike up conversation with them (for I was raised on a "Do not speak unless spoken to" gesture type thing growing up) I cause my own social anxiety( and most other anxieties) by thinking too much. Everything I am and everything I wish, and know, I could be....

it seems so unreachable..
DeadMasterArsenic DeadMasterArsenic
22-25, F
Dec 6, 2012