The Past Will Affect My Future.

So today I was talking with my guidance councellor about college. She gave me a couple of application forms to fill in to get into college. She gave me a particular one. If I don't do well in my entry exams, this application is supposed to make it easier for me to get a place. At the end of this application I am supposed to write a personal response on why I think they should accept me. She named out all the things I could write, she went on and on and on. She named out every bad thing in my life that has ever happened. Every detail: my mother, her depression, her arthritis. our financial difficulties of her being a single parent, my past depression, money struggles of paying for college, my brothers death, my fathers death, my siblings and their messed up lives. The list would not stop. It was only after this meeting that I realised how my life must sound to others. Sad, pathetic, messed up, never-ending. It made me think, is my past going to haunt me in everything my future will hold? Is this black cloud that has been hanging over me for the last 18 years ever going to go away? I am 18 in the next few weeks and I have experienced more than 2 people's lives put together. Is this really what the future holds? All that I have experienced my whole life, is it ever going to end? I want to apply for college, to make a new start, to move on from the past to a better future. That is not possible. Walking out of that office today, my future flashed before my eyes. Struggling to live day by day, being away from home worrying about my mum, coming home one weekend and finding her..... How can I move on with my future when the past will always come back and haunt me? Everyday the past crops up as something has affected me in some way. I guess my life was planned out for me from the moment I was born. Being the youngest child, the one to look after my mother while my older siblings don't give a damn, being the one to worry about her non stop, not being able to go to school without an uneasy feeling, not being able to apply for college without having to consider her. The past will affect me in every day that I live and I just don't know what to expect anymore.
nadine17 nadine17
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 15, 2013

Hey, have you ever had to go a whole day with your socks halfway off you feet in your shoes because they kept falling down when you walk? Lol

That is a strange question but yes :D

Haha Ikr! How far do they like slide off inside your shoes?