I Think Too Much
i've always seen things other people didn't, felt things, questioned things - and while that set me apart and made me horribly lonely, sometimes, i valued it because i didn't want to be another mindless individual and because it made me who i am. but there is a point where it just goes to far. where you begin to think so much, you forget how to feel. how to live. how to TRUST - yourself, others, life.
before i talk, i think of how it could be misunderstood. when others speak, i wonder what they really mean. i read between the lines when there is nothing between the lines. it becomes hard for me to take things at face value. i used to see things no one else saw, now i see things that aren't there. it takes a concious effort for me to believe people care about me when they say they do or even when they show it.
and this overthinking and overanalysing is *agonizing*, mostly because it breeds fear and doubt. i believe in the importance of questioning things, but trust is just as important and there *is* questioning everything can be just as dangerous as questioning nothing.
and i think part of it is overcompensation. i've been misunderstood all my life, so i always act as it i am walking on glass, trying to make sure not to say the wrong thing. i have seen the fakeness of people who lie to even themselves, and i avoid that so obsessively that i feel like i am losing myself anyway. all these fears are counterproductive.
but, things are changing. i am changing. and it had been working, so much so that over the past year, a number of people have commented on it. and i think that is important to share. if i can do it, you can. it starts with making the decision. interestingly enough, it starts in the mind. my thoughts still plague me, sometimes, and the progress sometimes feels unbearably slow (but i try to focus on the small victories and the little efforts, not on the failures or the immensity of the task) but i think i am starting to take ownership over my thoughts, rather than letting them own me.
before i talk, i think of how it could be misunderstood. when others speak, i wonder what they really mean. i read between the lines when there is nothing between the lines. it becomes hard for me to take things at face value. i used to see things no one else saw, now i see things that aren't there. it takes a concious effort for me to believe people care about me when they say they do or even when they show it.
and this overthinking and overanalysing is *agonizing*, mostly because it breeds fear and doubt. i believe in the importance of questioning things, but trust is just as important and there *is* questioning everything can be just as dangerous as questioning nothing.
and i think part of it is overcompensation. i've been misunderstood all my life, so i always act as it i am walking on glass, trying to make sure not to say the wrong thing. i have seen the fakeness of people who lie to even themselves, and i avoid that so obsessively that i feel like i am losing myself anyway. all these fears are counterproductive.
but, things are changing. i am changing. and it had been working, so much so that over the past year, a number of people have commented on it. and i think that is important to share. if i can do it, you can. it starts with making the decision. interestingly enough, it starts in the mind. my thoughts still plague me, sometimes, and the progress sometimes feels unbearably slow (but i try to focus on the small victories and the little efforts, not on the failures or the immensity of the task) but i think i am starting to take ownership over my thoughts, rather than letting them own me.
By:
Fahrenheit
Age:
22-25
,
Female
