It's Getting to Be Way Too Much..

It is kind of hard to explain, but I will try. I really doubt anyone thinks like this, so no one may understand. Sometimes I feel like there are so many choices that I can't make any. Like, I am so frozen because there are all these options and I have to choose one. Half the time these days, I don't know what to do with myself because I don't know what to choose. Each time I choose something, my whole life will change. If I choose something and it's not what I was supposed to do, I miss a opportunity, or worse, others are affected. I feel like I have to follow a direct path or I mess everything up. How do I spend my time? Which book to I read? How much time to I spend on a site? Do I get on the internet at all?

Half the time, I just sit there thinking about nothing because it is just to hard to decide. It should be easy. I should go through life not knowing or caring about the effects my choices have. But I don't feel I can because I don't want to mess things up. I don't want to miss out on helping someone or becoming the person I want to be. The sad thing is I don't know what I want to be. That is just another thing! Where do I work? What do I major in? What do I do with my life? I want to know exactly what I should do at each moment. I has gotten so hard. I can't keep doing this. I actually sit there waiting for a revelation. Is that crazy? I don't know what to do with myself.

My life is like a puzzle. If I don't do things in a certain order at the right time, my life won't work out. Can you imagine how much pressure that is? I feel like if I spend a hour on this site rather then another and I needed to do something on that site, what I needed to do was gone forever and something will suffer. My life is filled with things I could have finished or things I could have done differently and now it is completely. A part of me feels like I could be who God wanted me to be, but instead I am here confused and waiting for signs. I have squandered my ability. I could have been a famous singer. I could have been into science. I could have been more into History, instead of wanting to be a historian with a general basic kindergarten knowledge of American History. Great, now I am incompetent and confused.

And this is an example of how I think too much.
SavedByGrace14 SavedByGrace14
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 19, 2007

You posted a long time ago, so I don't know if you'll get this. But I feel the same way and have been described by psychologists as possessing Obsessive Compulsive Behavior (not disorder unless it negatively affects me). I find conscious relaxation and practicing 'letting go helps a lot'. I feel that at some point in my life I began 'practicing' these anxiety-provoking mental routines. Like anything you practice, I got real good at them. Now, practicing healthier mental routines, I feel that I'm getting better at those and forgetting the old ways. I don't know if that makes sense, but I hope it helps. Also, mushrooms (as in the psilocybin containing kind) have helped me to understand when these mental processes start and how controllable they are. I don't know how you feel about this drug, but in a safe environment with good people around, you can really sort your mind out. Take care!

Don't drive yourself nuts, hon. Everything is a choice, even not making a choice is a choice :) Its good to put thought into choices, but we can all overthink things at times. I do understand you , though. Just try to relax a little and enjoy the fact that you're life is so rich with possibilities!