Daydreaming And Overthinking
I have a bit of a love hate relationship with my imagination, i love that i can loose myself in thought and spend what would otherwise be boring hours daydreaming and amusing myself, i honestly look forward to daydreaming. I love being on my own and just imagining scenarios in my life, other peoples lives, tv programmes and books, it's like watching or living in stories you've written yourself that are perfect for your mood. I worry though that i spend too much time in my head and not enough in reality, it seems wrong to sometimes enjoy your own company more than socializing, i don't want to waste my life dreaming and not living.
i also over think and obsess about unimportant things, i have an obsessive fear of death that i get stuck in sometimes and it takes days to stop thinking about. I constantly question which can be a good thing but not always, sometimes I'd like to just be, to accept things without analysing every detail. I worry about what other people think and expect of me. I obsess about stupid things and i don't know why, for example things that i think are perfectly acceptable like relationships with age gaps, I'm not going out with any one right now and I'm not looking for anyone in particular, it's just something that i think can work for some people , there's no one older than me that i like in that way but just because during a conversation my friends once said they think it's weired that any one would go out with someone older, i couldn't stop thinking about what they'd think if i did, then what my parents would think and how people in the street would look at us. I got really depressed over a situation that's unlikely to ever happen and ive never thought about before, i do this over everything. I also always have a perfect picture of how I'd like things to be in my life but when it comes to it iv'e made my expectations so high that nothings ever as good as i want it to be.
There are other good things, i get obsessed in a good way sometimes, like if i love a tv show, i get swept into it, the story thee fan followings, i think about it constantly, daydream about it and get into the music, clothes, everything to do with it and it's really fun its a rush and you feel part of something great.
That's it i think, i don't know what else to write, i hate the negative obsession and worry over other people and what they think and i get very depressed and trapped by my mind, maybe i just need more confidence and it would be ok. I love my imagination and i think it's important to question and analyse and think for ourselves, not just accepting what were told to think, i just wish i could turn it off sometimes.