I Think We Create Too Many Rules Around Sexuality

Too Sexual?

By: faefaye

Written on September 10th, 2012

I have always felt that there is something wrong with me. I am a female and I think about sex almost constantly. I almost always want it. It is a rare thing for me NOT to want it. I basically feel like somehow I got a teenage boy's hormones in regards to sex. So is there such a thing as being too sexual? I can easily list the things I won't do compared to what I will.
Once, my boyfriend (at the time) was so tired of me constantly wanting sex, he took practically a whole day dedicated to pleasing me. Much to his surprise, it just made me want more. He had always told me he thought I was a closet lesbian, turned out he was half right. It took me a long time to really admit my attraction to women was more than just having girl on girl making out when I drank. I have had very real feelings for women and been heartbroken when it wasn't reciprocated.
So, at what point does sex become kinky? Is spanking too much? What about chocking? It was like once I decided I didn't care what society said, I was willing to try almost anything. I seem to be feeding and feeding my desires without feeling satisfied for long. But even I have my limits. Laws are respected at all times.
I feel guilty like I might just be too sexual. I don't want my fiance to feel inadequate, but I know he has physical limitations. He says he is ok with me having a girlfriend, and I believe him. I just think it is unfair to him and to the girl that I might date (if I am ever so lucky) to be emotionally and physically divided. I know it wouldn't be cheating because I would always be honest with them both and not be sneaking around.

By: faefaye

Age: 31-35 , Female

650 people have read this story

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48 responses

mariiiiia

Well, this seems the story of my life.

Dec 8, 2012
2 likes
coolmarriedguy

Surprisingly I understand u very well. I have talked to my wife and we have had a very open conversation time and again. But neither do we have more sex not does she want me to indulge outside. Its kind of a ""fix"" situation and it frustrates me.

Nov 16, 2012
1 like
Timeslips

I realized I couldn't meet all my wife's needs and let her have sex with other men. She was very choosy so I was confident about her partners.

Oct 11, 2012
1 like
faefaye

As an update, my fiancé have always had very open conversation about sex. He and I are very honest and that is always of utmost importance. This really has been just a difficult decision for me because I don't want to hurt our relationship. To say one thing is often different from actually going through with it. I have been battling on whether to keep it as a sexy fantasy or allowing it to move into reality and risk hurt.
Well, my decision really was made at a last minute when my best friend came to visit and she and I got physically involved. By that I mean she and Istarted making out. It was emotionally and physically exilerating. My fiancé was there, but did not join us. This was our time to be loving and affectionate and he recognized it for what it was. Of course it was also a major turn on do we were able to enjoy each other after all of us went to bed. She and I didn't go all the way, but it was a wonderful thing to know that my relationship with two people I love so much can grow and we all are still very much in love.

Sep 21, 2012
2 likes
LostInTheWoulds

A common misconception that people have about sex is that "what is right for me is right for everybody" ... and just like the rest of life, that just simply is not true. There is no "normal" when it comes to sex, it totally depends on the couple and what they are comfortable with. I have a sex drive (twice a day is a good start) but my wife can go for months without even thinking about it. To her way of thinking, that makes me a sex addict, and therefore abnormal. As you can imagine, that leads to some significant frustration on my part.
I wish that I had the sense to have a very frank sex talk with my wife before I married her so we would both know what to expect, but we didnt, and there have been a lot of hurt feelings because we didnt. So, my suggestion to you is to sit down with your fiancee, and both of you write out a sexual wish list, then compare lists to see what the commonalities are. If you both like spanking, then it is by no means "too kinky." If you both want it twice a day, then its not "too sexual". Its all about you and him. Enjoy it :)

Sep 20, 2012
2 likes
blondeghst

you may love your fiance but you're not in love.. be honest with yourself

Sep 18, 2012
1 like
hoss1944

I would love the fact that you want sex so much and would be wanting all I could get from you

Sep 17, 2012
1 like
- faefaye
  Amazingly, I have dated a lot of men who think they can give me all I will ever need. I love my man and if it bothered him for me to be with a woman I wouldn't... but it can be frustrating. Thank God for toys!
  
  Sep 17, 2012
  1 like
hoss1944

I would like to be in his place to enjoy you and your girl friend would blow my mind

Sep 17, 2012
1 like
pappawlove

Your BF can have the best of both worlds if he'll be open-minded and if you and your GF are willing to include him

Sep 15, 2012
1 like
ASGKPFG

Don't worry. I'm exactly the same. I can't go 10 minutes without a sexual thought or idea going through my head. hahahaha

Sep 15, 2012
1 like
- pappawlove
  Good for you..being horny makes us more alive and makes living more exciting..add me if you wish..
  
  Sep 15, 2012
  1 like
- WyattDuFuque
  ASGKPFG is not even 18, for chrissake.
  
  Sep 18, 2012
  1 like
- ASGKPFG
  eh. you know those raging teen hormones....
  
  Sep 18, 2012
  1 like
- faefaye
  Ah, the teenage years. That's here it all starts. lol. Just be careful! I am still trying to learn to keep a balance in life, but I sure wish I focused more on school when I had the chance.
  
  Sep 18, 2012
  1 like
1 More Reply
1NewWorldToronto

Not sure why...but this story amused me. :)

Sep 14, 2012
1 like
- faefaye
  I actually was secretly sharing my inner battle hoping for just such a thing! :P We all find amusement in strange things sometimes, and I am not short of strange things... just short. I really am rather petite.
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- 1NewWorldToronto
  Hmm...losing my edge...no faux pas? lol
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
magictouch1972

Don't feel bad. A healthy sex drive is a good thing to have. ********** when you need to. It may not be as good as sex but it's something.

Sep 14, 2012
2 likes
WyattDuFuque

I respect your standards and respect your libido. This story however, does bring out a point. Men here can have a lot of sexual matter in their EP CV, engage in virtual sex of whatever kind, and afterwards discuss the election, spirituality and umpty ump other topics with their partner for 3 hours after the main event.
For one at least obliquely seeking validation of their behavior ( which in your case is obviously justified) perhaps you might think of women with all the anti-perv rules in their profile and what that does to men.
Don't get me wrong. If a man drags his knuckles with one hand and rubs one out with the other, he is not worthy of consideration by you and many other women, but not because of hypersexuality, , but rather due to their general lack of merit.
What I "believe" is appropriate and have advocated here in stories, is that if a man sees an obviously intelligent and sexual woman with other interests in their profile, the man should ask himself, and the woman expect of him, that he is on their level both in terms of articulation and for want of a better word, "imagination" as well as a curiosity about non-sexual manners in general, and not put out a No Horny Men Allowed Sign (unless dictated by their sexual preference or lack of any interest in virtual sex) while they post abput how they need to ***, how often or intensely they ***, etc.
I apologize for going off topic but sometimes a person needs to vent.
And you and others obviously have the right to establish any conditions you choose.
Just sayin'

Sep 14, 2012
5 likes
- faefaye
  I can completely appreciate your opinion. I can understand that if I have a profile that only seems to relate to sex or if I am posting a large amount of explicit content, it does seem rather obvious what I am looking for. However, if I am venting about my ISSUES with my sexuality it doesn't mean I want more. Or If I have clearly stated that I am happily in love with my fiance and only considering a polyamourous relationship with a female addition to my life, then that doesn't invite men to start hitting on me. I have already gladly started getting to know many men here that seem like very interesting and intellegent people. I am glad to learn more about them and their opinions, but yes, I do offer a strict warning for those who's only intent is to drive erotic conversation from me. I feel this should be a safe place for people to get support for their issues. I think that honesty from the beginning is always the best policy. It is not to insult men, but face it, that is the majority of people that seem to disregard all the hints of "I am not here for sex" and proceed to try some action. I have no problem with a good discussion on sexual things without it turning into cybersex. I am highly sexual, but it doesn't mean I will engage in sexual behaviour with any and every person. I still remain dedicated to my fiance and would like that to be respected. So I would rather set the boundaries right away so there is no mistake on why I am here and what I find unexceptable. If I don't do that and men continue to approach me, it is my own fault for not establishing from the beginning that their sexual attention is unwanted. At the same time, I invite friendly discussion and advice.
  I want to thank you for sharing your opinion.
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- WyattDuFuque
  I completely agree with you because, aside from the fact that you don't need agreement, yours reasons are valid: a) fidelity which I profoundly respect and b) genuine lack of interest. So you are an exception.
  However, I have become involved in totally non-sexual chat with women who clearly indicate their sexuality, and then eventually (minutes, days, etc) my chat partner compliments me on discussion and states that it is arousing her (as non-sexual talk can with the proper chemistry)
  So what starts as a respectful PG rated chat evolves into a full on virtual ********. I just wish there were "a set of rules" that both and restrict.
  You are obviously an exception and therefore cease to be subject of this conversation. But is has been good to have it. Thanks for the opportunity.
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- faefaye
  I sure do hope to show consistancy. But yep. Be prepared... I am sarcastic and can be pervy without meaning it as anything more than something to laugh about.
  On another note: confidence and intellegence are incredibly attractive. That's why so many women like nerds and bad boys... now when you get nerdy bad boys... OoooOOOooooOooo... that's heaven.
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- WyattDuFuque
  I'll take that as a compliment
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
1 More Reply
londonwestman1

I think Sjachaurix might have a point with the nymphomania. Seem to remember that there is a hormonal kind - and since you sound pretty sane and sensible, this could be you.
Ask yourself if it disrupts your life - sleeping, relationships, parenting, work... If it does, there might be treatment - especially for sleeping - from a doctor. I would be very tempted just to enjoy it though - and forget the treatment.
And think how much better off you are than all those people who try and rationalise the fact that they have no sex drive.

Sep 14, 2012
1 like
- faefaye
  You have a good point. I really do want to get some therapy for my various issues. I think there is likely a link to them all. I don't want these things to get in the way of life and my relationships... but yes I do enjoy sex... but most importantly I love the intimacy. I don't want to lose my pleasure, just don't want to feel guilty or make my significant other to feel like he's not enough.
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- londonwestman1
  Here's advice [that I haven't done too well at following myself]. Have you had a talk with him starting something like "Do you think I should get therapy because maybe my sex drive is a bit too much of a good thing?" Or maybe better... "Do WE think..."
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- faefaye
  Yeah. He thinks I'm just a very passionate person. He thinks it'd be hot and help keep me satisfied if I had a girlfriend. Idk. Im scared it would be unfair to him and he'd resent it in the long run.
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- londonwestman1
  I guess you're right to be scared. I just wonder if you and your partner might sit - in a bar or whatever - and share your lust for a few passing girls. Would he be comfortable with that? Might be fun finding out at least...
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- faefaye
  I know he is interested in it. I actually am pretty open to sharing somebody or even swinging. But right now, the bigger concern is that he can't keep up with my desires. So, even though I am completely open to expanding our adventurous sex life, that is just for enhancing the time we have together. The other issue is giving me the frequency of sexual activity that I want.
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
2 More Replies
nicole518

im the same way I ALWAYS want sex some times my boyfriend gets tird of sex and i have to begg and begg him for sex i think he likes that

Sep 13, 2012
3 likes
- faefaye
  lol. I would like that too. hahaha.
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- faefaye
  I meant for somebody to beg me for more.
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- nicole518
  some times he gets me when i work a 12 hour day and im tird lol we r both sex addicts
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- faefaye
  Lucky! haha. I know it's a rare thing for me to not be in the mood or easily persuaded.
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- nicole518
  does your man love sex too ?
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- faefaye
  He's a great lover, but he just doesn't have the same drive as me. When it goes a week of no sex because he's been too tired or has heartburn or whatever, I get really demanding. I figure that's my limit! I could go several times a day if I can get my partner to.
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- nicole518
  omg a whole week with out sex! thats crazy i dont like going more then 2 or 3 days with out sex and when we get into it i like to go for hours :)
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- faefaye
  I'm envious. When we do, it's amazing. I attack him pretty regularly, but I do get refused too. I feel bad because he feels guilty he's not giving me more so I try to hold back. I just feel like if I don't go for it neither will he. That's why we've talked about me having a gf so I can have some more regular intimacy.
  
  Sep 14, 2012
  1 like
- nicole518
  that would be cool i hate when my bf isnt in the mood too its so anoying!
  
  Sep 15, 2012
  1 like
- tallhotman35
  @Nicole518, I'm in the same boat as you, I have to beg my wife for sex. Lately I've settled for once or twice a month, but I do crave the intimacy that sex brings our relationship.
  
  Sep 19, 2012
  1 like
- nicole518
  ohh my gosh once or twice a month if i didnt havt ot go to school or work id have sex like 5 times a day lol you must feel lonly
  
  Sep 19, 2012
  1 like
8 More Replies
Alex1993

There is no such thing as being to sexual enjoy it and embrace your sexuality.

Sep 12, 2012
1 like
dirtymandn

I am a guy but feel EXACTLY the same way. And my girl is like ur guy...

Sep 12, 2012
1 like
- faefaye
  I feel lucky to have such a great man who's also an incredible lover, but I feel bad that my sexual appetite makes him feel he's not good enough. He's amazing.
  
  Sep 12, 2012
  1 like
- dirtymandn
  I totally feel u. My girl is amazing and tries but has a low sex drive and mine is off the charts. I usually ********** 3-4times per day every day. She cant keep up.
  Yesterday i ate her out for 45min. I wanted more...was just getting warmed up lol but she couldnt handle more *******. She wa still tired today :/
  
  Sep 12, 2012
  1 like
Sjachaurix

Do you know what is a nympho? Reading your story made me think you may be a nympho. It is not wrong, just not as usual as the contrary. Have fun with your sexuality and romances.

Sep 11, 2012
1 like
JRD22

Never hold regret. It only festers to a level of disappointment that will harm a relationship. Be happy with yourself and your sexuality and surround yourself with like minded individucals. You are lucky and any man and woman would be lucky to have you. Enjoy.

Sep 11, 2012
4 likes

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