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Honesty Would Take Us Farther

Sex feels good. 

Duh!

Not all sex is created equal.

There's the one night stand.   Making love.  Down and dirty.  The quicky.  The night of passion you never wish to end.  

All different, yet all fabulous in their own way.

Sometimes, sex is just sex.  There's an attraction, you're horny, you go for it. 

Sometimes, you make love with so much emotion, so much love, there is just no higher joy in the world.

 

Why do so many marriages have to end because of an affair?  Why do so many marriages have to end because of a lack of sex?

 

Ultimately, it doesn't have anything to do with the actual sex, or lack there of.  It has to do with a complete and utter lack of communication.  HONEST communication.

Rarely do people TRULY say what they mean.  They sugarcoat, paraphrase, skate around it in every way, rather than take the risk of putting their emotions out there.  Saying what they really want, and desire.  Afraid of offending their spouse, hurting their feelings.  Afraid of being hurt themselves.

It's sad. 

And so avoidable.

Talk to each other.  Share a fantasy.  It's not easy, but the benefits can truly be amazing.  And may surprise you.

deleted deleted 26-30 23 Responses Feb 25, 2010

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Well written and presented like a professional. I can see by the replies that everything you mentioned is sooo true.

Soo true! But most times, we're scared of telling the other person what we feel because it'll hurt them. Why do we have to be so scared of truth all the time? Always sugar coating stuff. Hmm, it'll take courage but I guess I need to do it. Thanks :)

Thanks for the hug Taken. It is what it is and I wont stay any longer than necessary. I want to make sure the kids are able to maintain what makes them happy. Im not high maintenance at all so that doesnt worry me. Actually I pay for everything as it is now.

She didnt say anything when I told her. I dont think shell be surprised but feel theres going to be a backlash of bitterness and will react in a rash manner that will make some things much worse.<br />
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Its taking its toll on all of us. My oldest just wants out and my youngest worries, not about the marriage. At least not out loud. There are debt issues that Im waiting to be cleared up before stepping off that cliff. As to the lie. Shes has it great, shed live the lie all her life if she can and she wouldnt have to explain things to her parents. The crux of her emotional problems.

The last counseling session I told her I was numb to our marriage. The only thing that has any resemblance of together is sleeping under the same roof. Though Ive not asked for a separation I desperately want one.<br />
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Yes. Sometimes she will. Rarely. But shell blame it on something, my favorite, hormones. But fails to understand that teenage girls have raging hormones and gets in fights with her daughter because she wants to win an argument over something ridiculously trivial.

Ok. Its more of a concept of rebellion. I have my suspicions why and until she deals with it, which she refuses to do, we are done. <br />
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True story. Weight being an issue I made a suggestion some years ago that it might be a good idea she have a talk with a nutritionist and get a grasp on what foods and how to eat them would be good for her. I might has well told her to go f*** herself the way she snapped at me in reply. Now, years later, shes starting to look at foods and their content and how they are made up nutritionally. Funny how coming from another source, it just was the best idea ever. I mean WTF!!

I think honesty is a prerogative of old age and as Ive gotten older I dont mind putting myself out there. In my marriage it doesnt work and Ive pondered why to some extant , coming up with this notion. My wife has no confidence in herself so she cant accept criticism...or honesty that challenges the notions she has of who she has. Likewise she cant accept people for who they are rather than who she wants them to be.

Wow, PH Sensei, you are one lucky guy (um, girl... um... well, you know...) :0)

Jennifer - I'm sorry your wife doesn't accept you for who you are. That is very tough to go through; I wnet through it in my 1st marriage and I know how it is.

Not all experiences about sharing inner desires go horribly awry. But you have to open up at some point or it will eat you up inside. I am fortunate to have met a woman who is caring and understanding. She quickly accepted my wearing pantyhose as a normal thing, but when the desires from my past came flooding forward I shared the rest (desire to wear skirts and certain lingerie too). I though I had buried it, and here it is again. So I very honestly told her what and why. She lovingly agreed to give it a try and found she liked it. We have developed some boundaries and rules but nothing bad or oppressive.<br />
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Our sharing has brought us closer than either of us imagined. Its also freed us from the normal gender stereo types and allows us to just be us and share things. We talk, we shop, we openly talk about outfits we see on people and what styles are etc. We get catty at times too, lol. Its opened such a new avenue for us, its truly amazing. <br />
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Our lovemaking has transended new levels because we have shared things so close and opened up so much. We talk about everything too and oddly we don't fight. 6 yrs together and no heated words, just calm disagreement and conversation to find a resolution.

Thanks, takenheart. She says it turns her off. I can understand that, but it's not going away. She knew about my crossdressing from our third or fourth date but now she acts like it's some new thing that I can just push out of my mind. We've talked a million times to no avail. I've offered to do anything for her, what are her special turn-ons, and all I get is vanilla, vanilla, vanilla, stop that weird talk. So I come to EP for companionship and to chat with people who get it. It's refreshing to have a woman (or not!) tell me I'm sexy while dressed up.

Ooohhh...but you can share it with us, Bells... *Sylph puts arm around Bella's shoulders and leads her to a corner...* C'mon Bells...tell us... or even just me... LOL

Honest communication doesn't always work. I have tried for years to be honest with my S.O. about my desires (crossdressing) -- all I get is rejection and funny looks. And it makes me bitter. So here I am at EP, looking for someone who doesn't consider me a freak, to at least talk to me and try to understand. Thanks to all who have so far been open-minded.

Hmmm..Indeed<br />
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Great story Taken...<br />
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I can honestly say that I haven't taken much time to explore and talk about my fanatasies,I guess growing up everything outside of the norm was considered wrong,so some things I ignored about myself...<br />
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I try to tell my husband some of my thoughts but I make a joke of it just to see his reaction...I will not be sharing much LOL

Hmm is right, FG....... open relationships are one of the best.... but....... hmm...

I am very honest with my guy about such things but I am wondering if I should keep some of my past and my fantasies to myself now. hmm?

Hmm... Sylph is pondering again... *arms crossed...tapping one foot...brows furrowed...immense thinking here*

So true...well stated.

LOL! ! ! .........All in good time, Taken....kinda wrapping my head around it right now....it could even be a nothing really........but it sure makes me giggle! ;)

Tricking Sylph, ay? ...........Bribing even.............LOL!<br />
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Too funny...*still giggling here* ;)

I know...I love talking in riddles...mysterious and mystifying...cool, ay? *giggles here*<br />
Maybe one day... *giggling some more* ;)

Very well written. I totally agree with you. There is so much taboo around sex and people are judged so harshly when they step out of what is the expected norm yet so many people let themselves be tied into situations that make them bitterly unhappy and deprive them of satisfying sexual fulfillment.

Hmmm...food for thought here...hmmm...Will take under advisement, Taken...need to ponder about this...<br />
It's funny how sometimes the thing that we most seek can be found in a story. Thanks, honey. *hugs*