I Wonder Sometimes What Makes Me "Tic"...

I sit here sometimes and I wonder where I have gotten all this strenght.   Not physical strenght, but enduring strenght.    The kinda that gets you through life.   I was born with what they called at the time a "birth defect".   Spina Befida.    I was born with a challenge.  The challenge of being different.  The challenge of fighting for I want and need.  The challenge to be accepted, respected, loved.   The challenge of being.... me.    I never asked to be different.   And yes, sometimes I wish I wasn't.   Sometimes I wish I could have danced.... just once.   Sometimes I wish I could have just spread my arms and spun in a dancing motion, in the middle of a field, the wind through my hair.   Just once.   Or know the feeling of warm sand through my toes.   Or feel the wave of the ocean caress my skin as I walk the ocean's shore.   Or what it felt like to ride the handle bars of my best friend's cool pink bike when I was 8 years old.   But mostly, I wish I could have danced. 

I'm 43 and quite smart enough to know that I will never do those things.   I know for a fact that I will die not knowing what sand feels like between my toes.   And yet, I find myself thinking I'm sure it's much like sand between my fingers.   I'm not sure what has pushed me along all these years.  What has allowed me to lead what I think is a pretty fullfilling life despite my challenges.   But I keep going.  With humour, with laughter, with challenges and yes, sometimes with tears.   But I keep going with my head held high, knowing in my heart that I am beautiful just the way I am.   What makes me different is what makes me beautiful.  What makes me different makes me.........me. 

MelodieSoleil MelodieSoleil
41-45, F
4 Responses May 27, 2009

Wow, this story is so touching and so inspirational. And you wrote it in such a beautiful way! I agree with silvermystics, you're one wonderful lady :)

God Bless you for being so brave and courageous. How easy it is for me to take so many things for granted. I give you much respect. You sound like a very wonderful woman!

I admire the way you see life..very inspiring and helps those who think their life is so terrible to see their lives aren't as bad as they could be<br />
**love the avatar/profile pic..it is very pretty**

So far I am (glad!).