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And I Am My Toughest Judge

I grew up with a father that hated big women and made sure to remind me, when I gained a few pounds, to exercise. I spent from age 14-16 weighing less than 100 pounds. At 16 I married a man who was exactly like my father. I weighed 105 when we got married and he told me if I ever gained weight he would divorce me. Well, I did gain weight and he didn't divorce me right away. At this point he was pretty good at keeping his comments to himself he just didn't have sex with me. A few years later I got back down to 118, but that wasn't good enough...this is what I heard...

Yeah, you lost weight, but you're not toned. You need to work out and tone up.
You would look good if you had a nice tan.
I really liked your hair when it was blonde
What do you want to do with your life? no man wants just a wife and a waitress.

So I worked out, got tanned, didn't bleach the hair again though, too low maintenance for that, but i did register for university... I did almost everything he asked.

A few years later I put a few pounds back on..At 135 pounds he told me he was tired of my cottage cheese legs and my belly hanging out and that he didnt find me sexually appealing anymore. About a year later he divorced me.

After the divorce I gained a lot of weight, then remarried and gained more. I'm not elephant huge, just cow huge...in my mind, anyways. I talk to guys they see my pics and they say I don't look bad, but all I can think is they are full of shi*. If my dad and husband couldn't love me and I was 60 pounds lighter, and many years younger, then how could I be attractive to anyone now?

So I guess what I'm saying is not only are we judged by our looks but we learn to judge ourselves by our looks as well.
SimplyGlorious SimplyGlorious 41-45, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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Its the truth, a bad relationship can really destroy your self image and self esteem. Sometimes it takes an unbiased total stranger to set us straight.

het attractive means many things to many people. Its how you carry yourself and how you feel about you. I met a woman a year ago that was over 200lbs and 5' 5", and I can honestly say, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. mind you, I was an actor for 22 years and met a lot of "model" types, and worked with eva longoria and claudia schiffer.... Its how you carry yourself and your inner essence that comes through. just love yourself and ppl will see the beauty thats there~

Thanks

You need to focus on being happy with you are happy with. Look at yourself in the mirror and you are what matters, Happy? if so you are the right weight. My wife is never happy and that impacts our relationship because she does not like herself to begin with.<br />
Be happy with yourself and all else will fall into place.

Thanks JRD. I still have a lot of issues with myself but I am working on them.

theres not a thing at alll with bbw :) would much rather have a bbw then some skinny model type

Hon, don't worry so much. I'm overweight. So what.. I spent 20 yrs. in the military, and had to work out to stay trim. Now I'm retired and don't have to so much. I'm satisfied with the way I look, and I also like a woman with a little meat on her bones. I don;t care for skinny minnies. You are beautiful. Hold your head high. You won;t attract anyone if you think your ugly. My Dad used to say there are no ugly women, just ugly men. So, for your sake, look into the mirror at the beautiful woman looking back at you....ok. I would be honored to call you friend. Always remember, you are beautiful, an you have a beautiful soul.

Thank you!

Your father and former husband were wrong to judge you because you gained weight. There are men that love women that are heavy because they are not completely shallow idiots. Yes...being too heavy can be unhealthy and not as attractive as someone who has a nice body. But what is on the outside is not everything about a person. We do judge ourselves too much by what others find acceptable and not acceptable. It is sad that we do this, but we do.