And I Am My Toughest JudgeI grew up with a father that hated big women and made sure to remind me, when I gained a few pounds, to exercise. I spent from age 14-16 weighing less than 100 pounds. At 16 I married a man who was exactly like my father. I weighed 105 when we got married and he told me if I ever gained weight he would divorce me. Well, I did gain weight and he didn't divorce me right away. At this point he was pretty good at keeping his comments to himself he just didn't have sex with me. A few years later I got back down to 118, but that wasn't good enough...this is what I heard...
Yeah, you lost weight, but you're not toned. You need to work out and tone up.
You would look good if you had a nice tan.
I really liked your hair when it was blonde
What do you want to do with your life? no man wants just a wife and a waitress.
So I worked out, got tanned, didn't bleach the hair again though, too low maintenance for that, but i did register for university... I did almost everything he asked.
A few years later I put a few pounds back on..At 135 pounds he told me he was tired of my cottage cheese legs and my belly hanging out and that he didnt find me sexually appealing anymore. About a year later he divorced me.
After the divorce I gained a lot of weight, then remarried and gained more. I'm not elephant huge, just cow huge...in my mind, anyways. I talk to guys they see my pics and they say I don't look bad, but all I can think is they are full of shi*. If my dad and husband couldn't love me and I was 60 pounds lighter, and many years younger, then how could I be attractive to anyone now?
So I guess what I'm saying is not only are we judged by our looks but we learn to judge ourselves by our looks as well.