I Just Want To Die...

hi..im no one important..just a random person people pass by and think nothing of. i was 14 when i started to cut my pain away. i did it where people couldnt see to hide away my problems. after time past i started cutting more and deeper. then one day i did it i cut so deep i cut my nein open..i sat there and watched as my blood poured out of my arm and onto the floor. i felt peace..i started to slip away..then i was in total darkness. i woke up in the hospital with 37 stitches in my arm. i lost almost half my blood. i was so angry when i woke up cause i was so free from all this pain inside. the door to my hospital room opened and in walks my mother..tears were running down her tired face. she walks over to the bed and sits down next to me. she said my little brother came in and tried to wake me but i wouldnt move..he went and told my mom i was sleeping and he wanted to play..he had blood..my blood all over him. my mom ran to my room and found me face down dead..i spent a whole year in the mental hospital. my first day home was so werid..no one knew how to act around me. i was a stranger to my own family. when i was 16 i tried ODing on my moms medication..she found me in the bathroom and rushed my to the hospital..2 more months back at mental..im now 17 and four months ago i broke apart a razor and sliced open both my arms..i dont remember much from that try. i do remember the warmth of the blood coming from the fresh wounds..i remember that peaceful feeling i had the first time..i remember saying goodbye out loud and then i layed down....after that everything is fuzzy and my mom dosent like talking about what happened..i just got out of the hospital last week..my mom now checks on me every 20min or so. she has all the sharp objects and cleaners locked up and has the key on her at all times..she watches me take all my pills then she locks them away..i really dont blame her for how she has become because of me but im not happy and i havent been for awhile..i just want to die..to feel peace..be happy for once and im not gonna stop till i get it...i dont know why i even typed all this..i guess i just want my story out there for people like me...
StrangerOntheCorner StrangerOntheCorner
18-21, F
Jan 23, 2013