But I Was Only Showing My Complete Ignorance

Five times. I Thought... Five times..I'd been in love. This owuld be my sixth.
but tnen I Realized..

maybe it wouldn't of mattered, if megan, or any of them had slept with 250 men, or whatever, I'd still want to be with them, but that still wasn't the idael of love I'd come to. That was just addiction to how they made me feel that ignored them as a person. they still withered out of the picture-as soon as they said goodbye it was over. MAYBE megan, I haven't forgotten her,I Still wake up in tears from dreams things went a different way or she showed back up, even six years later. but..

seems like, romance is loving the way someone makes you feel-IT’s an gross distortion of the real thing, falling in love with an actual person. What are you really saying when you say I love you? I am addicted to the oxytocin you make my brain release, mostly. color me a critic, but if that’s what you call love then love should be a crime. A pocket full of NOTHING but a suicidial gun. I will ALWAYS feel the way I feel… Does not matter what cards she (Rose.. an ALIAS I USE for her not her real name)  deals back, even if I’m removed from the picture one day I’ll die and she’ll get a mysterious shipment of possessions because even if i was completely removed from the picture i’d want her to be happy, I’d STILL fight for her interest behind the scenes. THAT is why I feel now I have NEVER Loved anyone else-just how they made me feel.
ManifestoOfThePhoenix ManifestoOfThePhoenix
31-35, M
1 Response May 16, 2012

Learning what real love is, isn't a easy path, it can be quite painful but, the realization is amazing and it feels like something words can't explain.<br />
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My revelation was very similar, that a lot of what I thought was being in love with someone was in fact being in love with the way they made me feel.<br />
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After being blessed with true love and what it was I came to the conclusion that true love doesn't include ownership and is not a debt to one another, rather it is true freedom given freely with no expectation of repayment.

Buck up, Grasshopper. Things will improve. It's the nature of life to go thru those experiences at your age.