Rip Aunt Arvella

My aunt passed away 2 years ago. She wasn't just my aunt though. She basically raised me. I lived with her, my uncle and their 3 daughters until I was 8. In all the ways that matter, she was a mother to me. To this day I still miss her. I have nightmares about loosing her at least twice a week. There isn't a day that I don't think about her. There isn't a day that I don't feel like my heart is broken from loosing her. I have an amazing support system for when I miss her to the point of feeling like I can't go on. I really do. Yet, I do have those days when I would give anything to have been able to climb into that casket next to her so she didn't get to leave me. I feel like I left so much unsaid and yet I am constantly told that she knew all of things that I felt like I needed to tell her. A lot of people say that there is a process to grieving. I feel like that is a lie. I don't think there will ever be a day when I will feel okay about loosing her. I don't think there will ever be a day when I don't feel like part of me is missing. It may be unhealthy to be "stuck" in this stage of my grief but I don't think its a stage. I know that I will eventually be more at peace with it. And there are days when an overwhelming sense of peace and calm comes over me. But I will always struggle with missing her. I love her with every fiber of my being and I will never be at peace with knowing she is going to miss such important events in my life. She wont be there when I eventually get married. She wont be there when I have kids. She wont be there when I graduate college. She wasn't there when I graduated high school. It just hurts....
kiki93luv kiki93luv
18-21, F
Jan 13, 2013