My Mother Forced Me Outi ended up coming out to my mother recently, though i really wasn't ready for it because she asked me point blank if i'm a man. i'm still pre-everything so i have yet to start medical transition and i don't even have a supportive therapist yet so it wasn't fun being pulled apart all night over it and being told that no matter what, she would do everything in her power to discourage me from this decision, not giving a crap that in doing so, she's hurting and alienating me. like most people she fails to see why i cannot think as she does and is adamant she knows me better than i know myself. i'm angry. i didn't expect acceptance but she did act like she'd be accepting at first to humour me i think. as soon as she saw i was damn serious she put the hard hat on and really gave me what for.
i had to go stay overnight with her recently because i had a public-funded dental appointment at the local hospital the next morning and it was too far to travel from my place to get there on time. i was scheduled for a wisdom tooth extraction - a procedure that will be quite complicated due to the placement of my tooth in the gum and the fact that its still partially impacted. i say will be because my mother kept me up all night stressed over having to explain my transsexualism to her and not getting to sleep at all.
by the time i got to the dentist's chair in the morning i was so upset and wound up from lack of sleep and emotional pain that i couldn't cope with the surgery happening at all. after taking x-rays and prescribing anti-biotics i was sent on my way again... that was over a week ago now and i still have to get another appointment for the actual surgery. i'm so angry with my mother for doing this to me because although it was publicly funded to a large extent i still had to pay a contribution fee which i will now have to pay AGAIN for another appointment. i could have had my surgery done and out of there with only one payment.
so i'm feeling gutted over that and sorta venting today as well as the only supportive person in my world - my MTF ts girlfriend - just ditched me as well, having her own issues. she was the only person i disclosed to before i was forced to tell my mother. there is more to this story of course but i'm too tired from the pain of my dental issues and the emotional fallout of having my heart ripped out again to really explain every detail of this story. now i am sure half my family knows but they're all so scared of it that no one has said a thing. i'm moody, distracted, and wishing i could just get this transition started already. the dental surgery is just one of many things getting in the way of my plans right now and i'm feeling more defeated as time goes on.
Areyan 31-35 4 Responses 0 Feb 9, 2011