Sam I Am

Hello, My name is Sam. I am 50 yrs old and I am an electrician working for a contractor at chemical plant near Savannah River Site in Martin SC. I live in the small town of Jackson SC. It is June 2009 and I wanted to take someone I care for very much to  Key West but she would not go because of other obligations so I decided to go to work instead of take my vacation. Today I had a seisure on the job and was taken to the emergency room. At first they thought I had a heart attack until they did a cat scan and found that I had a tumor in my brain.They wanted to transport me to MCG but I refused to let them, I just wanted to go home. They did make me an appointment for the next day at the neurology center. When I arrive at home I call this special woman and explain to her what happened and that I was not able to drive and needed her help.
She agreed to help me. She took me to the doctor the next day. They wanted to admit me to the hospital but I wouldn't let them. A few days later I felt like I was going to have another seisure so I called this woman to take me to the hospital. They kept me for observation and gave me more dilantin to control my seisures. They released me and I went home. On July 4 weekend I had another seisure and called her to take me to  the hospital again. This time they run several tests and did not have good news for me. I asked them when I could go back to work and the doctor put it bluntly that it was not going to happen. She informed us that his tumor was cancerous in nature and that more tests and a biopsy would be needed to determine  the exact nature of his tumor. By the end of July I was back in the hospital awaiting brain surgery. This wonderful woman has been by my side since the beginning and today she is here with me and will be waiting for me when I come out of surgery. Before the procedure the doctors warn that I may be paralyzed, have impaired speech, and motor skills  after the surgery due to the part of brain they have to go into. When I woke up in ICU I could not talk and I could not swallow. I had to learn these over again. I was glad to be able to walk. I was released after several days because I was doing good and an appointment was made to see the surgeon the next week to get the biopsy results. With this woman still by my side we sat in the surgeons office awaiting the results of surgery. We were told I had Glioblastoma Multiforme, and aggressive form of brain cancer and without radiation and chemotherapy his life expantancy was only 3 months.The doctor said I will give you a few minutes to think about what you want to do and I will be back.
I did not make a decision that day. We went home and my special woman in tears, we were both in total shock. We decided to go spend a week at the beach before starting any kind of therapy. In September 2009 I started radiation and chemotherapy. Things were lookin fine and the MRI's were showing no more growth. A couple months later the MRI's started showing new tumors and the oncologist decided to try me on a different chemo drug avastin. I felt pretty good for a while then I started to get weaker and couldn't walk as well dragging my right leg and my hand was going numb,,Iam getting confused about little things, and couldn't do things I used to do. I was getting angry at this point. But this special woman is still by my side encouraging me to fight harder. As time went by my condition got worse. Numerous trips to the doctor's office where I was very inpatient and I had to terminate from my job, lost my medical  and company paid life insurance, was not eligible for medicare on my disability and was refused medicaid by the government. On top of all that the programs for drug assistance refused to assist me also because they said I made too much on disability which was only 1300.00 which I didn't recieve until Feb.2010. The special woman in my life became my wife on Dec.31, 2010. As of March I decided  I would be better off dead. My wife was upset but she supported my decision. She worked so hard filling out tons of paperwork and faxing them to numerous numbers just to get back bad news. My doctors called in a hospice and that's when my real fight begin. My speach was getting worse, I was dragging my right leg, I couldn't hold things and I would throw anything I could to break it and I was mean and said mean things to my wife. Needless to say she was still there for me. I would pee on the floors because I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time, even though my wife said she would hold the jug for me. It is now May 2010 .I have too many pills to take and don't even know one from the other,my wife has to sort them out for me and I get mad at her and throw my pills across the table. Mothers day is around the corner but I am so confused I have no clue what day it is and I want to get my wife something, I can't drive and  I am angry again .I have pride and this disease is taking it all away. My wife would clean up my mess no matter where it was or what it was .I gave everyone a hard time and when I couldn't walk at all anymore I refused to get into the hospital bed and my wife picked me up every time I fell and pulled me up every time I wanted to sit up. I was planted on my favorite couch. I was so angry that I couldn't do things for myself and got mad at my wife for just asking me or trying to help even light a cigarrete. She would cry all the time.  I just knew  if I got into the hospital bed I would never get out just like my mother. I was so afraid!  I hate visitors because I don't want anyone to see me like this. I know my wife needs someone to talk to and it breaks my heart that I can't talk to her but I get mad every time her phone rings. I can't control my anger at this point.The nurses finally got me into the hospital bed and then I was even more angry. I tried to break my wife's hand twice for trying to help me, punched her in the stomach and stomped her ankles, and when I had to pee I wouldn't call for her I would go all over my sheets and clothes and even my socks, just anywhere I could aim. My wife would clean it all up and change my sheets and clothes. She would be upset with me,  but she still tells me she loves me constantly. Yet everytime I need something she is right there helping me and feeding me liquids and food since now I can't do it myself. It is now May and my wife is no longer working because there is no way I can be alone and she has layed out a pallet on the floor beside my bed. She wakes up every time she hears me move. Now I can't pee in the jug she used to hold for me and she has to put me in diapers. I hate those things but I know she is taking care of me. She washes me down and changes my clothes and I curse her and moan and groan. But you see I can't control that now because I have a total of 7 tumors in my brain and they make me do and say things that I don't really mean. It is now June 20, 2010 and I am sleeping well today. I wake up around 6pm and I can't breath well, my wife turns up the oxygen level and gives me some morphine after talking to the nurse. The nurse comes to check on me and I am running a fever. She gives me tylenol and tells my wife to wipe me down with a cold rag. My wife was by my side every 2 hours trying to cool me down. The next day, my wife decided to trim my nails and file them all nice and smooth. She told me she was getting me ready to go to Heaven. She took my hand and run it through her hair (she has done this often in the past few weeks) because I like playing with her hair, and she put my hand on her face and kissed it several times and said "see honey I will be just fine and you don't need to worry about me you can go see mama and daddy, they are waiting for you in Heaven. The chaplain is here now and he is standing over me with my wife and praying. After he leaves my wife is trying to find someone to pick up some medicine for me. I thought she was in the other room but she is in here with me.  It is 1:20 pm, My name is Sam, I am 51 yrs old I am now in Heaven with mommy and daddy as of June 21,2010. Before they took my body, my wife changed my diaper and cleaned my privates and sat by my side holding my hands and kissing me until they arrive to take me away. She refused to remove my wedding band so they did it for her. They are now moving my restless body to the stretcher and I feel no more pain as I watch from above, My wife in tears as she kisses me goodbye for the last time. My body will now be transported to the Medical College of Georgia where I donated it for Scientific Studies. My wife took very good care of me till the end and I am the luckiest man in Heaven. My time on Earth is done.   If you know someone battling brain cancer or any type of cancer please give them a helping hand.. it makes a big difference in their lives.

Sam and Kathy Boaz          You fought so hard yet the cancer won, and you still went so peacefully.
                                                                                                                 I Love You Always and Forever
                                                                                                                       Love, Your Wife, Kathy


Booboo99 Booboo99
41-45, F
Jul 18, 2010