It's the Same Stubborness With Him

My son can't enlist in the Army for 9 more months because his stubborn attitude and bad decision making caused him to really mess up and he didn't even consider the future or what his actions would cost him.  He's surely paying the price for the bad choices he made then but moreso I am.  Everything that I have tried to do to get him in a place for the time that he needs has fallen through. So, I said lets go see about his getting into job corps!  We went to the orientation and the clerk told me that it would be a hour and a half long and I was going to leave but something told me no that I'd better stay and I did.  The presentation hadn't even begun yet and my son tells me that he wants to get out of there!  He was filling out the application! If I hadn't been there he might have just walked out.  I had already chosen to be patient with him because I know how he is.  So we go through the orientation and as we're leaving he tells me that he doesn't want to do it. I took a deep breath and pointed out to him that he's living with me by a thread and needs a safe place for at least 8 months and they will provide him with everything that he needs and he wouldn't have to worry about being put out.  He tells me if he gets put out by my landlord he'd go to his sisters house and I said that's no better because she has a landlord too. What happens when you have to leave there too and he said he'd figure it out.  I just looked at him and then I said you mean to tell me that you would rather go live with her and get put out eventually instead of going into job corps, learning a trade, getting paid, and having a place to live for the time that you need and he said yes.  What kind of thought process is that?  That's irrational and ridiculous! I didn't say anything else about it.  HE brought up the subject and of course I started talking about the positives of the program and he pipes up and says, the more you talk about it the more that I don't want to go and I lost patience then and I yelled "I don't care" and calmed down and said you don't have anything. He said he wants to go to California and I told him you'd go to CA and cost your Aunt and her husband when you could go to job corps and it's all free.  His response to that was he would pay them back.  I walked away from him then.  The thing is, he's not making sense.  But also he said he is willing to pay back his Aunt but didn't for one second think about paying me back!!  He's lived with me for over a month and his food clothes and what not have run me 600 dollars! That's over half of my income! I had to borrow money just to buy him groceries.  Whenever I get money in I'm at the store spending it on him.  I don't eat like he does.  I don't spend money on food like I do for him. I've bought him clothes. He came here with 2 pair of pants and not much else.  It's not bothering him that I've been taking care of him. BUT, he'd pay them back.  Not me.  It makes me sad that I have such selfish children when it comes to me.  It's like I am just here to fill a function when needed and that I deserve no thanks and no consideration and certainly no loyalty.  I really just want my space back.  For 8 months I was on my own. I had no personal problems, nobody pulling me down, nobody making demands on me.  I just got back on my feet after that horrendous episode with my daughter and bam, here's my son pulling me right back down again.  I was only in my new home  for 20 days when he came.  I hadn't even gotten used to being by myself again!  Well, my son is going into job corps and he's going to have a safe place to stay for the time that he needs. If somebody steps up and he feels that they can do better for him than me then he can go live with them and leave me out of it. 
Comprehensive2 Comprehensive2
7 Responses Jul 10, 2007

im thinking about it and im not sure of what to do. i just moved here from vt a small town and i have no money no job. i want to go to college but i didnt do so hot in high school and i love computers and i always wanted to do that kind of work. built my first computer at 16 and still update it. i used to drink alot and ive made some bad dicisions and i know i have what it takes im just not sure if i should try this or spend my time looking for a job and go to a community college for it. it does sound nice and im willing to try new stuff but im just a bit scepticle if u will. somone whos just graduated if they could email me and give me some insight that would be great.

i went to job corps it is great i use to think there was no hope for me but when i got there it was so different i loved it i was my own person i changed my life i know have a great job a awsome apartment an a nice car an im only 18 its amazing really

Recently Ive been put into the same place as your son, The town I live in has a terrible job market and thus i have no income and it hurts me to keep living the way i do.<br />
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I have a hard time adjusting to change, I get to attached to things and people too quickly, So the thought of moving away to go to some government college sounded both unnerving and a bit suspicious (seeing on how before i was being told i need to go, i had never heard of this program in the least bit, nor had i hear of anything that offered so much for so little)it Sounded a bit to much like the institution from Firefly.<br />
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But anyway, I just want to say that as somebody in your sons shoes your absolutely right I now intend to sign up for an upcoming semester.

i dont see why he wouldnt go.... i thought my life sucked and im volunteering to throw away friends, a possible fiancee, and my mother and home that ive known for 20 years now. i am proud that i got accepted into job corp because if it werent for that program i would have ended up on the street, constantly drug induced. if u read this tell your son he is LUCKY to have that option.

My little girl is not so little any more. She very recently turned 18 and just as soon as she did she started spiraling out of control faster than ever. I have fought with her and for her and yet she is still an unemployed drop out with zero marketable skills. I know she drinks and smokes pot and we argue about that too, but recently she is showing signs of harder drug use. I am at the point of telling her to leave my home. I am offering her one more life saving route: Job Corps. She can either go there and get her life started or she can stay on the same path she is on. Which ever way she chooses is up to her. She can not do it here in my home. I will no longer enable her to be a user, lier, thief, or an addict. What I will do is support her to be a strong self-sufficient member of society. <br />
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It hurts to the core. I have been a single mother since I was 17 years old, (three children by 20) and I have struggled. I understand when you ask "where's my thank you?" But I will wait. Because, as the rest of us did before, kids grow into adults and its not until they mature do they realize what they have done to their parents. So when the time is right we will get that thank you. And it will be so much sweeter when its followed with a sincere "and I'm so sorry". This will be my pay back.

I am a Teenager and I am not sure I want to go to jb Corp. this story just gave me my solid decision!

I am sorry you have to go through this. Good luck.