I Can't Cry

I can't cry [rarely ever do] unless I'm seriously upset and at that point, I'm usually pretty much hysterical and past consolation. So, I try to use sad songs to cry for me instead. It's pretty awful, wanting to cry, but feeling like you're all dried up. I can practically feel my mood sinking down like it was weighed down with an anchor, whenever I listen to a sad song. I suppose the feeling's the same as if I was crying for real. #"I wish that I could cry on demand, boo hoo, boo hoo."

I cop some flak sometimes for being all "emo", and they tell me to play a happy song. But when you really feel the need to drown yourself in tears and regrets for the release afterwards, the last thing you want to do is to hear about how wonderful someone's life is bc they've found someone special who completes them, or how someone is feeling stronger and sexier than ever.

Unlike some stories I read, I don't actually get angry when I listen to angry "emo" rock punk music. Its the same thing with my sad songs. Its like these songs are screaming, fighting, railing out for me. I don't scream out loud much, cos I can't. I dunno if its physically impossible for me, or emotionally impossible or whatever. I was always a quiet child. :p

I function only bc I can release my sorrow and anger through my beloved music. So even though my sad songs may feel torturous at times, I couldn't stop or I would cease as "me". Thank goodness for sad songs.

BowsAndBones BowsAndBones
18-21, F
Jul 13, 2007