Turning Point

   When I was 24 i had just been through a very personal traumatic event I won't say what because it is very private. I was with a person that broke me down daily and treated my like I was less than a person. I was trying to get a handle on things in my life and I felt like I had no future at all. I decided to get out of my environment and try something new. So I told my mom to ask my grandmother if I could come to Florida from Pennsylvania and visit for an undetermined amount of time.  I left two days later. It was a 2 day drive in my car alone, I stayed in a hotel and thought about what I was doing. The love of my life ( bf of six years) and I  had split up and I was hurting myself by being with a person that I had no business being with. I had done so many things to hurt myself and my life was a disaster. The trip down was full of tears and fear and wishing I had done things differently. I stayed in Florida and visited with all the relatives I had not seen in years. I went to the beach and got firmiliar with my surroundings. I was thinking of staying but after a huge moment of clarity, I realized that I was just running away. I still had great things at home waiting for me. It just took getting away from all of the bad things surrounding me to realize that I also had so many good people in my life and I could make things better by focusing on those things. So I decided to pack my car up and make the trip home.

The trip home was also very emotional... in a much different way, I was full of exitement and fear for all the decisions I had ahead of me that would ultimately change the course of my life. I got back and felt myself starting to slip back in to the self destructive pattern I had been pursuing before I left. Then I remembered why I came home and I also realized that if I made those same mistakes I would have lost myself completely. Eventually I got myself back to the right place. I wasn't going to make those same mistakes over and over, hurting myself  needlessly. I got the love of my life back, and after alot of growing up and healing we got married. I have to say this was the most painful and hard time in my life. But without it I wouldn't have my son, my husband and all my achievments.
aprilriver aprilriver
31-35, F
2 Responses Aug 13, 2010

Sorry for being unclear about that.

Yes there were two guys. The guy that was mean to me got me pregnant and left. My husband who is amazing stepped up as my son's father. I wasn't trying to say my son is a consolation prize I was just saying that I got something great out of a horrible relationship, so I can't say I regret anything I did becuase even though I did not belong with a man that treated me unfairly I got my beautiful son. I believe it was supposed to turn out that way because my husband may not be able to give me a child.