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The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Had To Do

Yesterday I had to do the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I have a 15 year old adopted daughter who has the mind of probably a 9 year old.  Her father is my brother in law.  Her mother's mom (grandmother) worked with me.  So when she was born it was a month early due to her mother having a seizure.  After her birth her mother refused to feed her and the state stepped in and took her into their custody.  Her grandparents wanted her but the mother made accusations against her father (grandfather) so they were ruled out as a possiblity to adopt her.  She was placed with friends of the DCFS director and they were told they would be allowed to adopt her.  They never even considered any other family members.  This little girl weighed 4 lbs 4 ozs when she was born.  She had a hole in her heart and a heart murmur and a double urinary tract.  She was later diagnosed with failure to thrive and learning disabilities.  I was approached by her grandmother at work and she told me what was going on.  I went home that night and told my hubby I wanted to see if we could adopt her.  So when it came time for the next court hearing hubby and I were there.  Since he is actually the blood relative he asked the judge why he couldn't be considered for having her placed with us.  He almost went to jail for contempt of court but the judge finally ordered a back ground check on us.  All that showed up was on him from when he would beat me.  So after 8 months of fights and the other foster parents finally conceeding she was placed with us. 
She was 8 months old and weighed 8 lbs.  She couldn't sit up because the people who had her were veterinarians and they kept her in a back room all day in a bouncy seat.  They were using her to replace the daughter they had lost to cancer.
Anyway after the adoption even though the state said they weren't allowed to see her, we let her real grandparents visit with her and eventually let her spend some time with them at their home.
Yesterday I found out from the newspaper her grandmother had passed away on Sunday.  No one called to let us know and that really did hurt.  I had to go home last night and tell her.  She looked at me and said no, no she didn't die.  I had to show her the picture out of the paper.  Her face was awful, I could just see the heartbreak in her face.  I stood in the middle of the kitchen and held her until she managed to stop crying.  I felt so bad for her because she hasn't seen her in almost a year and she has been begging to go stay a weekend with her.  I explained to her at that time that her grandmother was having some health issues and when she got feeling better she would call and she could go spend some time with them.  That never happened.  I wish they had called to let us know she was that bad so she could have seen her one last time before she passed away.  I hope I never have to go through that again.  It broke my heart to see her like that.
teri58 teri58 51-55, F 4 Responses Jun 27, 2012

Your Response


This is such a sad story but what an amazing women you are and what a strong and amazing little miracle you have. That sitituation most have been terrible my thoughts and best wishes x x

Thanks Loving, it was very hard. To look at her she looks normal as any other child, but after talking to her for a while, you can tell she has issues. She has learning disabilities that make me worry about her future. She is 15 almost 16 and she can barely ad and subtract. I am afraid people will take advantage of her because she has no clue on the value of money. She had a hard time dealing with this but she will be alright. I will make sure of that.

Terri, wow...what can I say There are no words to express how I feel for you My heart goes out to you. I hope that things are going a little better for you. You know I am always here for you so if you need to talk more about this just ask and I will be there for you..Your friend always Antonia

I'm so sorry to hear this, Teri - sorry for you, and sorry for her. It's terrible that she had this loss, without the opportunity for one last visit.<br />
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Family court in this country is a strange and savage place, from all I've heard.

Thanks firefall. You are right about family court. We not only had our fight with the state to have her placed with us, but the foster parents who had her took us to court to try and keep us from getting her. Just sad tht thye would even consider strangers when there is family to take the children. It is all political anymore.

I am sorry...i hope you never have to face this again and your daughter would understand the situation....

Thank you papri, your kindness is appreciated.