Not Much Luck So Far!

First I tried Plentyoffish. After all, it's free, so what have I got to lose... right?

Here are a few of the men I met and talked to.

1. Meet Markus (name changed). Markus has social anxiety, so taking a train to come and meet me was a big thing. A very big thing. He was shaking like a leaf when we met on the platform. He has big self-esteem issues, never smiles and hides his mouth when he talks because he hates his teeth. Markus is also a cutter. I used to cut too. 15 years ago. Markus is my age and still compulsively does it. He has humoungous scars all over his arms.

Look... I have issues myself, and I have played carer for someone with mental health issues before. It's not healthy. I can't take it on. Sorry. Next.

2. Meet Lewis. Lewis wants to sweep me off my feet and take me to the Lake District for the weekend (even though we've never met offline). He also has 2 preteen children with his not-quite-divorced-from-yet wife. Mmmkay. Next.

3. Meet Matt. Matt drives a flashy MG, buys me flowers, takes me out, tells me I'm so gorgeous. And did I mention that he's much younger than me? Maybe I should also mention that Matt disappears after sleeping with me. Naive, moi?

4. Meet Paul. Paul has his ex-girlfriend's name tatooed on his arm. He talks likeĀ Lauren Cooper. He lives in tracksuit bottoms and listens to R n B. *sighs*

Now, I think, maybe I should try and Christian dating site. Let's log on to Christian Connections.

1. Meet Ernest. After meeting me once, Ernest claims to adore me and wants to kiss (OK, I kissed him). After he leaves, he disappears for a few weeks, enough for me to find out that he has 2 different accounts on CC, and adds about 2 (young and sexy) girls to his Facebook everyday. He gets in touch again to declare his flame, but chickens out when I confront him.

2. Meet ... hum... oh damn, I can't remember his name at all. Sustaining a conversation is tricky with someone who speaks only
to agree with everything you say, but has nothing to tell about themselves. I agreed to a second date to give the lad a chance - maybe he was just shy and will lighten up? Nope. Most boring two datesĀ of my life.

3. Meet Alex. Alex is good-looking (and knows it) and writes Christian worship music. He also tried to convince me on two separate occasions to send him pictures of my boobs, and asks for us to meet so we can have oral sex together (but not full intercourse, because that would be a sin, right?). Please note that was the ONLY reason he was interested in meeting me, by the way... I refused.

4. Meet Andrew. Andrew is 52 and wants to date me. When I point out the age difference, he sends a message back saying: "Your profile says you like the outdoors. Well, I have 50 acres of land!" *facepalm* (Needless to say I didn't meet him offline.)

5. Finally, Dave. Dave claimed he had never met a girl who's a bit geeky like me. He also promises he would wait until marriage to have sex if that is what I need - but when it came to the crunch, well... maybe I am too irresistible. I don't know. When he hears of my depression, Dave acts all emotional and hugs me and says he wants to help, but when confronted to an anxiety outburst on my part he chickens out and dumps me (by text).

Now you tell me: am I too picky or just very unlucky? Or maybe not quite ready yet, which is a dinstinct possibility.
DancingFox DancingFox
31-35, F
10 Responses Oct 3, 2011

A very interesting story ... though written so long ago I guess it may all be a distant memory now. I'm particularly interested in it because I'm currently on the online dating bandwagon and I want to know how the land lies from a woman's point of view.

I should explain, I am currently looking at Ukrainian sites because I'm going to Odessa this summer to do a Russian course (it's one of my hobbies ... learning Russian, that is).

So, is it like this?: women, especially attractive women, get huge numbers of men contacting them. So, as a man, whatever I may feel about a woman I'm just one of the crowd? And, for the women, the flow of male interest is kind of addictive ... a good way to pass away an evening?

On the Ukrainian sites men pay to read each letter the women send ... so I got loads of letters from very attractive women who were far too young for me (I think I could venture a young as early forties but no less). They were doing it for the money, perhaps?

Eventually I narrowed it down to three and still felt dishonest corresponding 'in parallel'. I feel there's some possibility but I'm beginning to feel, for them, I'm just one of a crowd of admiring men (all three in their mid-forties and very attractive). Letters come in dribs and drabs and I think I'm getting recycled 'copy and paste' epistles.

I stopped my subscription and plan to meet these three ladies in Odessa. These three weren't the only possible ones ... there must have been half a dozen more I could have chased ... but even three is too much. I eventually wrote to all the other 'possibles' and told them I couldn't cope with more than three and I need to meet these before moving on.

But I have to say, all those hundreds of emails in my inbox was a lot of fun and somewhat addictive.

So what is it really like for women? Just a game with men's hearts? Or a cynical man's sexual hunting ground ... do tell if you are still interested in this area!


Well, I have a partner now (whom I didn't meet on a dating site). Personally, I really was looking for a life partner and felt cheated everytime a man "tried" me, then dumped me.

I'm glad to hear, I hope you remain happy for a long time to come. I think the 'traditional' way of meeting must be best. I mean, on dating sites you meet with such agendas! Yes, I am worried about the scenario about 'trying' a woman and then dumping them but I'm sure it happens a lot. I just hope I let my feelings not my penis do the thinking when (and if) I meet these women

Your experiences sound like mine. I did POF, and I got a lot of hits from guys that were way far away from me which doesn't help me at all. I met one decent guy but no chemistry. I met another guy that I liked, went on one date, he called me and texted me a couple times then dropped off the face of the earth. Then I joined Match and it's no better. There are a shortage of attractive, interesting men my age to begin with, so the dating pool is already pretty shallow. There was one guy I was interested in and he wanted to im non-stop, so when I finally said, "I want to meet someone not just have a pen pal" we scheduled times to meet then he would cancel. So finally I had to drive to his town (45 mins. away), and he stood me up! I was livid. I should've paid attention to that gnawing in my gut that there was something not right with this guy. This other guy I liked gave me his phone no. so we could make plans to meet. I called and left a msg. but he never called back and no msg. on the dating site either. It's really f-ing depressing! I feel like there might be a handful of compatible men for me out there, but the chances of meeting him are slim to none.

It's only when you internet date, you realise what fruit cakes are out there. I have been proposed to before meeting, told they are in love with me etc... That's when I run a mile. Oh not towards them by the way lol.<br />
I'm 44, had 6 partners in life and all off the internet. Last one I married and that was 9 years ago. OK, we are divorcing now but hey, 9 ain't bad. And when I am single again, I will be joining a dating service online. I am too shy to walk up to a woman in a bar.<br />
<br />
You have been unlucky on few occasions but don't give up. Your knight is out there. You just need to find the right forest to search. Stop looking in the forest of doom ;-)

hey i have just started on POF lol and i am not a weirdo lol but i was on there just for a quick encounter. i think you have just had a run of bad luck, i dont say you are to picky and there are a lot of t***s out there who are only looking for one thing. and tbh that guy who dumped you by text .... what a looser . but there are nice guys out there looking for the right women to spend there lives with. so dnt give up :)

:O<br />

i'll show you the right kind of guy *grabs you and pulls you in for a kiss*

Well, Matt was great in bed but he lost interest in me... lol.<br />
I need to start learning how to attract the right kind of guy!

I had the same experience as you! I met a guy named Hunter who did the same thing. I sure know how to pick them!

Well, that is a brief summary of the last 2 years. I didn't meet all of them, either.

all sounds kinda exciting to me.. you did more dating that short period than i have in my entire life!!! at least you are workin it! not hiding in a cave.

Yeah... CC was a pay site. I dunno.