Emergence (The Psychological Trauma Has Set In Redux)

It’s time.
That seems to be the phrase of the week for me. I have been listening to my inner voice and it has been screaming at me. It’s time already. Go.
I mean, there is nursing a broken heart, which we have all done at one time or another, and then there is engaging in an exhausting marathon of tears and gut wrenching agony, which I have been doing for more than three years.
It’s time.
I wrote once about my amusing experiences with online dating (see above), and I am revisiting that scene, but with an entirely different attitude. I knew all along that my negative experiences were the result of my own closed-mindedness. I was in love with another, so no one was going to be able to come close to my ideal. Well, it is safe to say that I am no longer facing that obstacle; in fact, it will be quite simple for someone, --anyone, to make me happy after what I have endured. I actually think “Hi.” will do it this time around.
Still, I want to revisit that old story about the psychological trauma I experienced and address the issues head on, sort of practice, so that I will be ready. Here goes nothing:
To the shirtless ones. I actually love a bare-chested man, preferably with hair, as I find that extremely erotic, and if you have in impressive torso and want to show it off, I promise not to look away.
To the boat owners. Maybe I will go for a short excursion, even though I am convinced that as soon as we leave the dock I will end up a castaway or worse yet, that they will find my body splashing up against the jetty after the sudden and unpredicted squall knocks the champagne glass out of my hand. So I hope you won’t mind if I show up in a huge life vest and scuba gear, flares, and a personal flotation device, complete with several days worth of food and water, binoculars, sea-sickness medication, sun block, and a spear and net for emergencies. It will be a blast.
Cheers to my captain, my sea dog.
To the motorcycle bad boys. I will ride with you, but there will have to be some rules. You cannot go over 40 mph and I will need a helmet and shoulder and elbow and kneepads. There can be no highways, only winding country roads because I do not want you to be tempted to gun it on the open road. Once again, motion sickness pills and a supply of food and water in case we crash in a deserted area, although if that happens I will undoubtedly be thrown from the bike and end up in a tree somewhere, far from the scene of the crash. You will be delirious with a concussion, if you are still alive, and you will most likely not be able to remember my name, so they will not find my body in the tree until winter. But I promise not to judge you and mock your rebel nature. It will be fun, I’m sure. Thank you in advance for the wind in my hair. I love that.
To the rich guys. I won’t judge you either. So you made millions on Wall Street. While I am a member of the 99% I will let you buy me dinner if that is what you want to do. It is the least I could do I guess, let you spend your cash if it makes you happy to do so. I am sure you worked hard for all you have attained in your life and I respect that. I will try to keep my thoughts to myself and perhaps we can learn from one another, from our different perspectives. You will probably not appreciate me, but I will try not to have any preconceived notions about who you are as a person. We can try, I guess.
To the chatters. I don’t like the chat boxes but I will try not to shut you down in an offensive way. I will try to be polite.
To the foreign dignitaries. I promise not to make fun of your English. In fact, I will find it endearing and I will assist you if I can. It must be hard to live outside your native country and I know a thing or two about loneliness. Maybe we can have a nice time. I am sure we will find a way to laugh. It will be good.
To the guidos. Okay, I can’t do this one. The only thing I can do here is try not draw conclusions based on appearances, look beyond the bulges and try to see the heart of the man. Just don’t hurt me. I am small.  

To the tattoo guys (and mustaches). Once again, I will have to look beyond appearance to try and understand the thought process. People usually have stories about how and why they got their tattoos and as long as we don’t focus too much on the “how” I should be okay (I am squeamish.)
As for the stache—never experienced that. It could be interesting, I have to say. That too could be quite erotic. I am keeping an open mind, definitely. You’re on.
To the comedians. I will laugh, I promise. I have spent the last three years crying, and if there is someone out there whose goal is to make me chuckle as opposed to what I have been living with, which is someone hell bent on bringing me to my knees in despair—trust me—I will laugh. I will laugh at anything and everything, because life is short and laughing is way better than crying and I have a stupid sense of humor anyway, so it is easy to crack me up. Knock yourself out.

To the abbreviators. If you text-speak me I will put up with it but I’m afraid I will only respond in long hand since that is what I prefer. Also, I have been ignored for a very long time so any kind of communication that you initiate will be appreciated more than you could ever imagine. I’m sure I will think U R Gr8.
I am emerging. I have a good attitude this time around and I am not only not cringing in disgust at the prospect of heading out there, I am getting excited. I have been in pain for a very long time.
So mister, go ahead, make my day. Say “hi” to me.
I think I love you. 
Quintesse Quintesse
51-55, F
18 Responses Mar 27, 2012

This was great to read!! Somehow you managed to describe online dating in a way that was humorous and optimistic yet truthful at the same time. I love how you write your stories!

I've never tried online dating but I think with any type of dating you have to take time to know someone before you go out with them. Quin I know you will make a wise choice to date or not to date an online person. You have experiecnce with the wrong kind of guy trust your instincts.

Thanks for this.

Luminous.<br />
I know you're right, but as I was just telling a friend, I believe that online dating is the new reality. Honestly, I am a big fan of the chance encounter myself, but even that is fraught with danger. <br />
Both means of getting to know someone have their advantages--the face to face is chemistry driven, while the online/email experience lets you explain who you are in ways that may not be possible on a date with someone you do not know. <br />
Ideally, you would get to know someone behind the scenes to the point where you would then reach the "I can't wait to meet you" phase. <br />
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. It shouldn't have to be this hard--but it is.<br />
Thanks again.

I rely on instinct mainly and it rarely fails me, however, I have had my moments--where it has let me down. That hurts.

Ocean, I am trying to have an open mind. I really am. But sometimes too much information is just too much information and when it comes to online dating knowing where to draw the line is critical. <br />
It's just that so many people wading into this ocean do not understand that--there is this intense need to tell people "This is who I am"--but how you do that is the difference between "intriguing" and "oh my god- make it go away." <br />
I am wading back out there and I am literally scared to death; I mean I am having heart palpitations and I may have to make a detour to the ER.<br />
I told you--you and I are sisters. We will have too help each other through this transition.

Heartwings, thank you. Happiness is my goal. It has been elusive but I have a positive nature, so I am feeling optimistic.

Heck if you can stay on at a trot we can let em run and I hope you don't get too dirty cleanin' those stalls<br />
As far as the hat goes, it is all up to you only thing you have to decide is the color, let's see I have light gray, dark gray, black, white, brown, light tan dark tan, silver belly, fawn of course the obligatory black several straw for summer wear. Then there are the hat bands have too many of those to list but there are leather, beaded, hairpipe, jade and silver, well the list goes on. By the way I do have boots without manure

There are some instances where I am imagining a hat would really add to the experience (let me have my fantasy--it's my story.)<br />
And I do know how to ride (sort of) but nothing beyond a trot unless I am given enough time to bond with my ride. Then, it's last one to the barn has to clean the stalls.

Now hold on just a minute, Cowboys ain't always dusty and dirty and well the manure on the boots you know what they say "manure happens". As for the hat well it just wouldn't be polite, a gentleman always takes his hat off in the pressence of a lady. And I do consider you a Lady I'd thump anyone who says otherwise<br />
Now how fast can we go on the horses?

MtnMig--I am always so happy when you appear. <br />
I'm glad you remember the original story because without that this one is pretty stupid and does not make much sense. I wrote the original a long time ago now. I'd like to think that I have matured in my thinking since then. <br />
I am happy also to hear of your success. A toast is in order! Marriage as a result of online dating? Who knew? You have inspired me. <br />
Thank you for the kind compliments. I am going to need a fair amount of self-esteem before I go into this and I am sorely lacking in that regard at the moment, so --don't be a stranger!

Quintesse - Thank you for the toast : ) I confess that on most occasions I am partial to animals but I have always been a careful observer of people. I can say with confidence that although I have never met you, I am sure that you are a wonderful woman that has far more to give than you know. You have a wonderful sense of wonder about the world that gives greater value to life. Not just your won but also to the lives of others you share it with. Isn’t that something beautiful? How many women (or men) have that to offer? Not many that is for sure, but you do. I tell you there is a fellow out there pinning for that very rare thing you possess.

To the cowboys: <br />
[I did not come across too many cowboys in my online profile search but I will indulge you my friend]<br />
I promise not to make fun of the horse manure on your boots and your filthy jeans, although I do prefer a casual date. I love the outdoors and animals,horses and dogs in particular, so I do think we can probably find something to talk about. <br />
And if things go really well, and you happen to have one of those ten gallon hats handy, you can leave it on--I would be FINE with that.

Hi Quintesse,<br />
<br />
Long time no speak. Funny thing is that although I have not been very active on EP for some time, I do remember your original post about online dating. Both are very funny. I'm glad that you are giving it another go. I especially laughed about not going over 40mph on a motorcycle. You best limit yourself to rides on scooters then, although I don't know how many men would brag about their scooter. <br />
<br />
I did the online dating thing some years ago and I could also write about the funny cliched 'types' of women's profiles. It's amazing how many "adult" princesses are looking for prince charming. I'll spare you the stories. You are a true original Quintesse. I bet there is a nice fellow out there that will be soooo happy to find a woman with your intellect, wit and kindness. <br />
<br />
Online dating worked for me. Two weeks ago a married the feisty little lady I met online. Although if you ask her parents they might tell you that this is a cautionary tale about online dating : )

:-{) Still shaking my head while grinning. Another classic only you could write. Oh, by the way my moustache is very well groomed.<br /><br />

Haha. Now I am finding myself thinking about mustaches. How is it that I have never kissed a man with one? I swear, I have not really lived I don't think. I got married too young.

Yes, you have walked a very narrow path.

heheheheeee<br />
<br />
hi<br />
<br />
love<br />

Hahaha "Hi" back, you sneaky giggler. I love you too.

Welcome back. Well you did promise to love me if I merely said "hi". heheheee

You left out "COWBOY" altogether, whats up with that?

I'm on it. I so want to have some fun. I really do. It's been a very, very, very long time. <br />
Thanks for the encouragement.

Get out there and have some fun.

You know, I never went on a date. The online communications really scared and intimidated me.<br />
The profiles freaked me out.<br />
But that was then. I feel like I am going into this wiser (I got rid of the sarcasm and the attitude) and I am feeling very positive.<br />
I'm thinking that is more than half the battle--having a good attitude. I REALLY want to go out on a date. I will too. <br />
Thanks you guys. Oh, there will be stories...definitely.<br />
Trasa--what is that they say about how if you don't laugh you will...<br />
Just say no to crying. Thanks

Even though I'm not in this situation I can relate and think you have it all covered.<br />
Your sense of humor was a treat this morning!