Online Dating Isn'T What It Used To Be

Actually, so is basically all of the internet but anyway... here's my story about online dating:

As my username suggests, I'm not exactly a very average individual (too thoughtful, idealistic, non-conform, honest - to just give a very brief, rough portrait for why most people despise me). Add to that the fact that I was very shy as a teenager, I went to a school that was mostly attended by boys and I didn't (and still don't) like to party and you can guess why I never even got a chance to talk to girls, period. And whenever I did, they were just these shallow chicks, obviously just interested in similarly shallow guys.

Enter online dating. That was about 12 years ago.
And for the first time in my life, I was able to get to know girls who were as unusual as me. Which is also how I met my first girlfriend when I was 18.
For about five more years, I kept meeting quite a few interesting women that way, resulting in two more relationships.

But then, something changed. Nice and thoughtful people started to dwindle in numbers on dating sites, getting replaced by people who frequently had nothing more to offer in their profiles than some photos and maybe two sentences ridden with grammar and spelling mistakes. And the few seemingly thoughtful people left over became increasingly aggressive and arrogant.

I suppose the answer to the question what happened is quite simple: With the number of people using the internet increasing drastically, the online world became a mirror of the offline world. Which is why now, the experience of using a dating site is like what you probably get at a random bar. Not that I would know first hand but I have heard/read many stories.
And I bet that just like in the offline world, the nice and thoughtful people will usually rather stay at home than deal with a colossal amount of douchebags.

Personally, realizing this also made me realize that unless there is some change, it would be the end of the line for me dating-wise.
Which is why I even tried to create my own dating site (which I won't mention by name though, since I don't want people thinking I only post this for promotion purposes. Feel free to ask me though if you are interested in it), constructing it in a way that it would deter the douchebags and attract the nice and thoughtful people. But it seems people don't find their way there and there is no way to promote it (even if I had the money, the people I expect to be interested in it don't pay attention to ads...).

And this is where I currently am. Waiting, hoping (that either memberships on my site will pick up or a miracle will happen and more people I could get along with will register on already established sites again). Because for reasons I would have to describe in another post, it's next to impossible for me to meet somebody offline.
InvoluntaryLoner InvoluntaryLoner
31-35, M
4 Responses Feb 2, 2013

Well said!

Just wanted to say that I appreciated solitudinarian's nice response very much and would have wanted to express that but unfortunately, her less nice act of blocking me prohibits me from doing so.

This has been my experience with online dating sites as well. 8-10 years ago I met some great people, but over the years it seems like things have drastically changed. I agree with what you wrote about nice and thoughtful people dwindling and an increase in arrogance. No one has any depth or substance anymore (they used to, right)? Most profiles focus on superficial qualities and unreasonable demands. I don't think it's just online. Like you said, it's a mirror of what is happening "out there."

I too am a loner. The first thing is to come to terms with who you are. Having a GF is not a cure from being yourself. I like women and prefer their company. but times I love to be by myself. Women are all around. Take the time to open your eyes and see.

Oh I have come to terms with who I am a long, long time ago. Still, I believe that life can only truly be enjoyed when it is shared with people one loves and who love one in return. Be it a girlfriend or "just" friends.
And while women are all around, just like men, the vast majority of them are not compatible with me.