My Brother's Problem

My brother is 35 and is doing ok.  He owns his own home and works hard.  He has never had a girlfriend and my mother is always over at his house cooking and cleaning for him.  He really wants a girlfriend and perhaps a wife someday but I can't get my mother to let go of him and he's afraid not to have Momma around.  My brother has a low IQ and when he tries to find someone on dating services he will fill out the questionaires only to have my mother re-write them and change some of his answers to what she thinks are the correct answers.  It would be okay if Momma was looking for a girlfriend for herself but for my brother the girls usually realize he's not what is on the questionaire and they don't bother with him.  I find it sad but my mother just doesn't understand just because we (the family) love Michael not everyone else is going to brush off the coal dust to see he's a diamond.

TouchMeNot TouchMeNot
41-45, F
3 Responses Feb 25, 2009

Sadly this is a VERY common story with parents - I see it all the time. The tragedy is that they are trying to do the best for their children, but actually end up doing them harm.<br />
<br />
I feel very sad for you because you can clearly see what your Mum won't allow hrself to see - that your brother is in need of company that is mre suited to him personally.<br />
<br />
My only suggestion is to encourage your brother (with your help) to see a counsellor "for his depression". You could tell the counsellor your own concerns and he / she could guide

Thanks enna30. I have another problem with my mother, she refuses to accept that Michael is slow. She imsisted on mainstreaming him in school and wouldn't allow him to particapate in special olympics and now he wants a woman with an average IQ. It's sad because Michael is depressed and isolated. We are in Ohio and try as I might I can't get my mother accept Michael is limited but he may have a lot to offer a girl with similiar problems.

I work with people with disabilities and I'm very familiar with this problem. Your Mum means well, but as you say, she is not really helping.<br />
<br />
Have your family loked into social groups for people with disabilities? These are very often a great way for people with disabilities to find friends and partners. <br />
<br />
If you need help locating these, ask an agency in your local area to help you. In our area (in Australia) we have a music and drama group, a surfing group, a sailing group, a number of "social" groups - I'm sure you'd find something similar in your own area.<br />
<br />
DON'T be put off by the "people with disabilities" label - these are GREAT people with a wide range of personalities, skills, abilities, talents, hobbies and more. I feel sure your brother would be more comfortable in such groups rather than trying to be someone he is not.<br />
<br />
I wish you success in helping him find happiness.